Maen

Mae,

I dreamt of you last night. Was it because you were thinking of me?

I dreamt we were back together and I couldn't stop crying as I hugged you. You kept really still in my arms.

But I woke up and hated that moment of reality when I realized you were not home with me. I wasn't cuddling you. My face was wet. I had been sobbing in my sleep. I shut my eyes tight and hope to sleep again. I want to go back to cuddling you.

The busy-ness of life takes my mind off you each day. But when memories of us together comes back, it hits hard.

Of the many times I dreamt of the both of you, this is the first few that I actually post. I'm not worthy to even speak of you and Baileys.

But my heart still aches for both of you.

AN asked if we can have dogs in future. I told her I only want the both of you back. I don't know how many more years in future will you still have. But the Lord will be really merciful to me if I ever get to spend your last days with you.

I miss you, babies. I miss you so much it hurts.....

Taking Risks

Last year when her sister informed her that her son will be getting married this year, MIL bluntly told her: "I don't know if I'll be around. I may be away on a holiday."

Selfish reply. When one informs you a year in advance, you make that day free. Not as if it's official matters... Who's the one who keeps shoving her "family is important. One MUST not lose their relationship with distant relative" value into our face? So damn double standard.

And because nobody dated her for a holiday during this period, she has no excuse to be absent.

Now, she blames SIL: "You are always working. You should keep in touch with the family in Malaysia...blah..blah".

Oh, work is less important than holiday. What lousy standards she has...

She kept poking at SIL till SIL got defensive and started explaining that she has a business deal and all. She got upset at the 'excuses' and snapped back: "If you are not going, then forget it. I'm ok with it. Stop giving excuses already. Let's stop talking about it."

1 minute later, she starts chewing on SIL's unavailability again.

She suggested bringing the nieces in by herself. For obvious reasons, SIL refused.

She then confidently announced: "I'm such a detailed and careful person. You can trust me with your girls."

Detailed? Careful? People who read my updates about her already know she's EXTREMELY careless! And I don't update every lousy encounter.

That reminds me:

I was holding AN and MIL wanted to hold ER. Mr Liow had his hands full with grocery bags.

We came to the escalator and I was on alert mode because ER was with the careless grandma. I made sure AN was safely within a step, turned to ER and saw MIL let go of him right where the steps were moving, to clutch her handbag and hold onto there rail, herself!

My then 18 month old innocently tried to step onto the moving escalator by himself.

I quickly grabbed him and led him down a couple of steps to where AN was standing!

If I trusted her, ER would have fallen off the escalator!

She saw me guiding ER down and suddenly realized she forgot him. She was apologetic. I just smiled but was very very upset. ER COULD HAVE FALLEN DOWN THE ESCALATOR!!

SIL was short of telling her right in the face she's is NOT a careful person and she doesn't want to lose any of her daughters in Malaysia!

Respect mum. SIL did well, but not according the unappreciative mum. Because SIL didn't obey her commands to attend the wedding that she wouldn't attend too if her friends dated her for an overseas trip...

The trip to Jurong Bird Park last Friday was a display of my forbearance. She held a huge umbrella over her head the whole time, poking whoever was in her way.

Mr Liow and SIL, even the elder niece reminded her to be careful because she got poked in the head each time they walked near each other. Just casual reminders. But she got upset, shouting back at SIL "I'm not a little kid. Stop telling me what to do!"

Loud enough to attract the attention of the surrounding crowd.

Regardless of how selfish she is, she's my elder, a family forced onto me by the legal system here. It's my husband's duty to tolerate her. I will comply and have keep my mouth shut to every bit of her nonsense since 15 years ago.

I hope she leaves me alone.

Do not antagonise me, or mess with my kids. I too, will not let her take them into Malaysia by herself.

She needs to stop thinking that highly of herself.

AN's Curls

AN has longer hair this time than when I curled her hair for the first time.

This time I used the curling tong on her hair instead of the twisted hair curler.

She likes it better this time, so much that she wanted it again. hehe.

When I feel compelled to be the breadwinner

This is the first time in my life that I feel so strongly motivated to be the one earning the dough and so that Mr Liow can stay home.

With the top-most being the queerest human ever, I really wish he can throw the letter and just leave.

He slogged for him but his promotion had been postponed once, just so that the boss can post someone else out. Because the boss dislikes that guy.

Just because the boss dislikes that guy, he got posted out to where Mr Liow would have deservingly gotten to the next step.

Just because he is in a powerful position, he could overwrite all requests and attempts even from another powerful man over at the other side.

It's about who's more powerful.

And it appears the same thing is going to happen again. With some wild accusations going on and ridiculous work load (because the others have left the force, all thanks to this extremely hard-to-work-for superior and no replacements), the hubby is drowning with responsibilities.

Not after having shed a major 'secretarial' post that posted a year and achieving much during that period.

No rewards (if being delayed for promotion counts as reward), only verbal appreciation then.

When bosses up there can't agree, the people down there suffers. You do ehay one says, the other points points finger at you and asks you why you had to comply. When you agree with the other, you get questioned, yet again.

Power struggle in the truest form.

They don't make you do things. They make you decide, and then grille you.

What's more evil?

But mr Liow will survive.

He's a fighter.

And I'm working towards saving him from it all.

kids are growing up. I'll soon be able to take on more.

My mum, my daughter and I

We were having dinner yesterday my parents' place.

I was helping AN cool her porridge and mum was scooping fried onions into mine.

I noticed mum scoop without draining the oil and I complained that I didn't want so much oil in my food. Then I turned to my complaining daughter who said she didn't want something in the porridge.

It must have been comical to watch how a mum and a daughter behaves in each other's presence, no matter how old they already are.

Lol!

Pretty Peep Toes

Choosing the right pair of shoes to wear for Ah gu's wedding weren't easy either.

There were other pretty ones we saw but she didn't want to try them on because, for once, she was allowed to get a pair with a tiny bit of 'heels'. Those pretty ones were flat.

Many of those with 'heels' didn't look pretty enough.

Mr Liow caught sight of this pair which looks so sweet and had 'heels' after she tried on a couple.

She loved it, so do we!

He's so cute!

I told him he's cute and he agrees with me. Not humble. Lol!

AN's Angry Bird

My bb's improving

Wedding Day: Gift for tea ceremony

My gift to Krislyn for tea ceremony:

2 hearts fused together to signify 2 becoming one.

Dolling Up Our Princess

We had some disagreements on Monday when shopping for her dress. I told her that she has to like what she chose and I wanted her to tell me exactly which dress she liked best. Then, both Mr Liow and I thought she looked better in this:
We left without buying anything that day because we couldn't agree with her. I felt bad that she didn't get to choose what she liked and promised her I would do something about it.

Along the way, Mr liow managed to convince her and she agreed to buy the purple one that we (adults) liked. I didn't want to break my promise and asked her repeatedly, which dress she preferred and I wanted the truth because daddy and mummy wants her to be happy.

She went: "I want the purple one but I like the pink (lavender, not pink) one a lot."
We did win the battle with some bribing but when I spoke to daddy about respecting her choice, he agreed that she gets to choose :)

She was so grateful and excited that we agreed to get her the one she liked and we went back to get it the next evening.

She refused to be flowergirl though. She said she's scared, so we didn't persist.

She's all excited about tomorrow, as if it's going to be her big day!

As long as she's happy, we are too ;)

Little princess got her finger nails done for her ah gu's wedding celebration tomorrow. We have a very excited one here!

Her painted toenails are protected, by socks while she sleeps. Hehe.

ER Learns Green

He's taking longer to recognise colors than numbers and alphabets.

But it's ok.

Today, we did colour sorting. And he built a "green" house. :)

ER's First Pee in Potty

ER went: "Pee pee!" urgently tugging at his diapers.

I took him to the potty and he sat there while AN was peeing on the adult toilet. As I spoke with AN, I heard water trickling and simply dismissed it as AN's business but it sounded too near, like pee hitting bottom of the potty!

ER was looking at his penis and excitedly hitting my arm: "Mummy, water!" He was amazed that he could shoot "water", like a fountain.

Baby's virgin potty-pee

Photo Update

Took some pictures to whatsapp daddy before he left. We found the missing daddy One of our trip to the library without his daddy and sister The 'hand' I made with...for ER that he loves, to play with. He didn't enjoy the making of it.

Hands

I made a 'hand' with ER before she came home and she wanted the same.


This is ER's hand. I can't get a clear picture of the constantly moving boy!

Since she likes painted nails, I suggested something else.

Camping

ER had an earlier-than-usual nap and by the time AN came home from school, he was awake.

With ER awake, AN wouldn't want to nap, which means we were going to have 3 hours of extra time on hand!

AN is at this age when she gets bored having nothing to do. She loves to write and would have, but little boy is quite a distraction and he's awake.

So, I thought we should try camping!

It was a dark and rainy afternoon. The room was dark enough to pretend we were out in the forest.

The kids had a good time playing pretend and reading in the tent.
And she gets to sleep in the tent tonight!

Fun with Kids

Snippets of my days that I posted on my FB:


AN: "Mummy, When I grow up and have my own house, you come and stay with me ok?" Me: "Awww...so sweet of you. How about daddy?" AN: "Don't worry mummy! I will give you a box that's big enough for you AND daddy."

A box.

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Bedroom door opened with a creak. The toddler is awake!

Mummy's waiting for him to walk to her and as he was doing so, he called out: "Jie jie!"

-____-"

He asked for his sister the first thing in the morning, not mummy.

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Day 7 Without Daddy:

AN saw my flabby belly.

"Mummy, TOO fat." "huh! Really!?" "Yes. You have 2 layers. You are TWO fat." Pointing to her zero-fat waistline, she boasted: "I am NO fat."

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AN noticed that out of the family of 3 human-shaped magnets on the fridge, 1 was missing. She was horrorified.

"Where's daddy??!" "Daddy's in USA." AN continued searching around the fridge. "No.....NOT THAT KIND OF DADDY."

Water Fun

Mr Liow took leave yesterday to get pants for Andy's wedding dinner, so we went to Vivo City.

There's a water play area near the playground. The moment the kids saw the water, they are stuck. Mr Liow had some peaceful moments selecting the pants and waiting for alteration.

Thank God I brought extras clothes (for rainy days, like these, or in case they puke on themselves).

Violent Tiger

He was randomly throwing a book and it flew right towards AN's nose. In fact, he saw AN sitting in front of him but threw it anyway. It probably wasn't random. Did he mean to aim it at his sister??

And poor AN's nose started bleeding.

OMG.....

He's getting worse each day, increasingly mean and physical.

I need wisdom to deal

Final Countdown: Day 9

He's on his way back, touching down on SQ11 at 0255hrs.

Finally.

And kids, some days are just not worth remembering.

I'm tired again. AN had a rough day yesterday, and ER had a rough night. I had a rough 24 hours shift from (only counting from midnight to midnight).

Head throbbing now but I will survive. My kids will grow up.

3 More Days: "Mummy, Sit Down!"

Terrible Two is scary, worse so when the toddler is unwell.

I haven't updated that ER had been hitting people a lot this week. He smacks whoever upsets him (in his own context)

BAD!

AN gets it most, but I'm not spared either. Lots of correction from now on before it becomes a habit. Training in progress, so please bear with us when we meet ok?

And this little tiger can get demanding too. He woke up at 3am and was very grouchy. He cried, struggled and insisted "Mummy sit up!" to nurse him when I tried to lay him down.

Each time he dozed off, I tried putting him down. But, sigh......each time his head touched the pillow, he would wake up frustrated and start demanding "Mummy sit up!"

I gave up, and carried him upright for about 2 hours before attempting to put him down. This time, he was in deep sleep and didn't wake up..

I would gladly carry him upright if he couldn't breathe but he was breathing alright. It was a random demand, first of its kind.  Please let it be due to him feeling unwell instead of a new, developing temperament.

This reminds me of those times I carried AN upright on nights when she had stuffy nose back when she was younger. She had never once demanded that I sit up. In fact, sleeping time was relatively fuss free (she sleeps through the night now so I have zero problems with her night routine).

On bad nights, she would cry, whine and fuss, but she would go to sleep when I carried her.

Having fine through 1 case of  this frightening age and living in another now (hoping it will pass soon!), I am again, convinced that girls are so much milder!

At this age, AN hit us too. But I'd pretend to cry and she would stop. She would hug and pacify me and listen when I reminded her that it was wrong to hit people. The hitting went on for a while before it stopped, and she would repeat my instructions: "No beat. It's bad."

I do the same with ER, but instead of being concerned about me like AN used to, he would walk away, unaffected. -____-" He would get upset when I try explaining to him "No beat! It's bad!", and raise his hand at me again.

Argh!

He would only panic when I smack the hand and  ignore him after repeating "No beat! It's bad!". He then pretends to cry and come sit in my lap, and hug me.

I said no beat, so I shouldn't beat him too. I'm exploring what works, but unless he gets too wild, I won't smack his hand.

Hmm...I think I still wish ER was a girl. Girls are miler and sweeter lah.

Hehe.

4 More Days: His First Poop (Disguising Picture Ahead!) + First Puke of The Month

AN was pooping and since I had to get their sleeping attire ready, I put ER on the potty to wait. I had been randomly putting him there but there hadn't been any success yet.

When I went back, ER was half squatting with an uneasy look on his face. And because he was half squatting, I saw something hanging from his bottom into the potty!

It was SHIT!

His first success, inspired by AN!


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Next, his bronchitis relapsed.

He had been dripping mucus for 3 days and is starting to cough since evening.

For now, I'm giving the usual Flixotide plus (additional dose of) ventolin with it for his airway. The last time I puffed him at 8pm, I gave 3 pumps of ventolin.

Dr Lee mentioned before, that for rescue, I can give a maximum of 4 puffs, 4 hourly.

For today, I've given only 3 puffs twice.

He choked on mucus a while ago and couldn't breath. Whenever that happens, I'm thankful the Lord gave human the gag-instinct, so we do not normally suffocate and die when fighting mucus.

As expected, ER threw up, in the sink. Thank God we got there on time!

Both kids are sleeping now. I'm crossing my fingers that tonight won't be one of those horrifying ones. Because AN is also coughing a little too.

5 More Days: When all the stars line up

...........

All urgent matters happen at the same time.

I had to settle some legal issues (will share later) and had to check for details.

Little tiger refused to let me go during their nap. When he finally did, AN woke up. She's no trouble maker, so I managed to still dig into my files. But I couldn't find what I thought I remembered was in there.

I switch on the iMac (which I hate because it senses urgency and hangs on me when they are reputed to never hang. To iMac: I really hate you, and I think you hate me too.)

Then, little tiger woke up.

He starts meddling with my keyboard, wants my mouse, screams when I told him no.

My little helper AN helped distract him with books but he didn't stay distracted long enough. He walked about, turning my wifi off, opening up playdough bottles and poured them millions of tiny pieces out. AN found something that caught his attention again, and he left his messy mission for a while.

Then I couldn't log into my email, my passwords were all wrong, I had to wait for wifi to come back and got one call after another (which I selectively answered. No time.)

While struggling with the iMac, AN announced: "Mummy, his mucus dripped onto the cards!"

Argh!

But my girl saved me by wiping his constantly dripping nose.

Then, "Mummy! He pooped!"

Argh! What next?

I had no time to change him and prayed hard his diapers do not leak.

And that little boy is a terrorist who takes his sister's kindness for granted, so I constantly hear her complaining that he hit her, snatched stuff and such. But my sweet girl let his meanness pass and continued to entertain him shortly after each fight.

I finally got things going and realized dinner wasn't in the pot! I had to rush out dinner, but thank God, AN's dinner request was fairly simple: Mac and Cheese.

And while cooking the animal-shaped pasta, I realized I had clothes in the washing machine I hadn't hung up to dry. Before I can hang them up, I had to take existing clothes off the drying poles.

Water boiling, sauce would be ready soon, kids fighting and making up, ER removing things from my drawers and flooding kitchen floor with them.

Then a call came in to say she doesn't receive my email.

-_____-"

I asked her to wait a little. Maybe the server was a little slow. My smartphone is left with 1 bar of battery but allowed me to check the email which I cc-ed to myself from Mr Liow's email. I received it, so she should too.

Finally, the kids are eating. And food tastes yummy, except that I forgot to make my own.

Sigh.......

Nevermind.

I hope rush hour is over for now. I hope the lined up stars have gone their separate ways...

5 More Days: Uniform

AN and Daddy leaves the house in their respective uniforms every weekday morning to school and work.

This week, my brother volunteered to fetch her to school. And AN found it wierd that he wore a different outfit every morning.

(In case you wonder, Andy is in the SCDF, also a uniformed organization. AN saw him in his uniform often, till his recent posting to the HQ which requires him to dress civilian for as long as he remains there.)

"Ah gu, why do you change a different shirt every day?"

That must have been a really strange question to him. Lol!



"Because no one wears the same clothes to work everyday."

But to AN, that's not right.

"But I wear the same clothes to school every morning, and daddy wears the same clothes to work too. You too, last time."

Their voices fade as the door to the lift shuts. I think my brother gets what she's asking. Hehe.

6 More Days: Snippets of the Kids' Interaction

Incident 1

ER spoke firmly to AN: "Adrielle, Sleep", and pointed to her pillow.

AN laughed at his funny expression and ER started counting: "1....2....3! I bite you!"

And then both started laughing at each other.

Lol!

Incident 2

ER and AN were watching something on the ipad while I was washing some dishes. ER was on his highchair and refused to get off.

Then I heard something scary:

"Ethan, you want to get off? Come, Jie Jie help you."

No! Jie Jie is too short to carry him out!

I hurriedly washed my hands hoping ER doesn't crush his petite sister. I heard AN giving instructions. I have to be quick!

When I came out, ER was on our regular chair. He was out of the high chair, and AN wasn't carrying him.

AN smiled at me when I asked her what they both did to get him out.

She said: "I told him to get out of the highchair, climb onto the dining table, then step off the table onto the dining chair. And then he can get off safely."

Very impressive teamwork.

Lol!

Countdown: 6 days

Sunday

MIL came over to help with the kids while I arranged to keep mum company and help find her a cheongsam.

Andy was around and he kept us company the whole day. In fact he fetched us to and from Thomson Plaza for AN's lesson. He also volunteered to take AN to school every morning till Mr Liow comes home.

Coincidentally, my dad was home on Sunday afternoon and he agreed to go with us shopping. Andy wants to get him a shirt too.

I can't remember the last time we went out as a family. It must be at least 20 years ago!

Mum got a gorgeous cheongsam which is in the process of being amended to her measurement now. Wasn't something she thought she would like. Dad didn't think much of it too. Was glad I insisted she try (it was a layer of cotton lace over the satin material inside).

When she did, the other dresses paled in comparison.

Dad got himself a shirt too. Shirts all look the same to me but he does look good in this one.

Am grateful for MIL's help. Won't have achieved this much with the kids (mainly the 2year old) around.

Monday

I got my hair coloured (after 9 months), finally. And a cheongsam too.

Wanted to get a short gown but realised that I probably won't ever wear it again. I can still wear a cheongsam for Chinese New Year, or to dinners (whichever type of dinner that requires me to dress up).

It's bright green. Like my evening gown 8 years ago was. Green is my colour. I love green eye shadows too. It's not my favourite colour but they somehow make me look nicer.

We're left with Mr Liow's outfit and the kids'.

And then my parents have one thing less to worry about after this. No more major celebrations to hold, till their grandchildren get married in at least 20 years.

Today

ER is having runny nose now.

The moment I sniffed the burnt odour in the air upon stepping out of the mall yesterday, I had a feeling ER's airway will start to protest.

And ER started sniffing last night.

He's not coughing yet. So it's not terrible news yet. I gave him his daily Flixotide as I normally do, and ventolin. Just in case he starts panting again. The inflammation happens faster than a rocket! I hope to prevent that from happening by obeying Dr Lee's instructions. Hehe.

Praying that little tiger's body is strong enough by now, to overcome this little provocation with extra help other than the 'tools' we already have.

Countdown: 9 Days

I'm enjoying the kids more than I expected. There are common struggles here and there but it's easier to manage my emotions when I have the freedom to do so. Plus the kids generally behave better when I have them to myself. In this clip, ER was eating AFTER he already had dinner. He didn't have much to eat and side he was so interested in AN and my dinner, I let him feed himself. And he ate a little more! It's been busy today, more to clear up, more mess, more work, but surprisingly more joy! I love being busy. I love it when AN asked for more of the noodles I made (in chicken and anchovies stock that I made this morning). I love it when she finally managed to get a music piece right after struggling with it for the whole week. I love it when ER watched AN build with Lego and didn't snatch (although he does snatch most times). I love how AN entertains him. I love how they.fight and then make up. Strangely, I only get to enjoy them including their tantrums when I get zero help. Enough about that, here's one of the kids eating. Dear, I'm sure this will make your day at least a little.

Countdown Starts Now

Countdown: 9 days

Mr Liow just left for the airport. He'll reach Phoenix at 7 plus in the evening (Phoenix time), which is about 10am Singapore time. That's about 24 hours, shorter than the usual 30 odd hours. He'll arrive Singapore at 0200hrs on 15th October. Don't like the separation but it's only one week. It'll be over soon.

So Stupid

Mr Liow gave me 2 $50 notes to get groceries.

I walked into Cold Storage with the notes and my phone. I think I put the money into my pocket but I was not paying attention so I wasn't totally sure. Did it drop out as I took my hand out? Or did I not even slip them in?

The next thing I knew when I think I was done, the money gone. Wasn't in the basket, not in pockets. I asked around, almost sure no one will tell me they found the money even if they did.

So so stupid. I can't even handle 2 pieces of paper. So useless...

$100...that can pay a third of AN's music fees.

Mr Liow helped me search and went to park the car while I unload the groceries into ther fridge.

I wondered how he was going to react when he got home. Would he continue questioning me on where I thought I dropped the money? Would he be pissed?

Another part of me told me he'll come back telling me he found the money.

He had a rough day yesterday and will be flying off tomorrow. Not a very clever way of making him happy.

Then he came home telling me he found the money on the car the moment he stepped in. I burst into tears when he said that.

I knew he didn't find the money. He said that just to make me feel better.

But it's a fact that I'm stupid.

Thanks for bearing with me even though that's what I am dear.

Angel

Was going to be an aunt and the thought of having a newborn excites all in our family to no end.

We even thought of where to hold the first month baby bash in May/June next year.

We have clothes to pass down, cot and cot mobile, rocker and much so much love to spare.

It must be hard for the mother. Technically, it was just a little dot but to a mum, she lost a child.

The wedding dinner is 3 weeks away. What is to be a celebration of the couple's first wedding anniversary with their little precious one will not be the same without his/her presence.

You, our little angel existed. Before we get to meet you, you had to leave. You know you have been loved. You will always be part of our family.

Funny Adrielle

Part 1

Was teaching AN chinese: "球 (ball) sounds like 求 (plead/beg) even without the 边 (side).

Like 我求求你 is chinese for I'm begging you although it also sounds like....."

She continued my sentence "......I ball ball you."

Part 2

Mr Liow was trying to get his credit card back from ER. Sweet AN hurriedly took her own wallet out of her drawer and dug into it informing ER: "Here Ethan, jie jie give you something."

I told her it has to be something that she's prepared he'll spoil (he just 'unskinned' a credit card!).

Without second thought, she replied: "yes, mum. I'm prepared to let him spoil this."

We looked: It's a passport photo of infant ER she kept in her wallet for the past 2 years.

No wonder. Lol!