Paperwork Settled

Took me 1.5hrs to get to SLP office in Spring Singapore. Thank goodness I dont have to be in office everyday.

Submitted copies of whatever is required and met up with Alvin. 6 weeks to getting my license to represent clients!

He'll be my direct mentor.

I was shown a presentation of the company structure and its subsidiaries. Alvin assured me that everyone in SRI5000 (in which I'll join Alvin and Serena) are very willing to help us "new recruits" learn the ropes and be independent.

It's still like a dream. I still am stuck mentally at how helpless I felt when I had Chickenpox and couldn't take the exam in May. Up till now, I still cannot believe I passed my exam and am now awaiting CEA to grant me my license.

If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.

I'm not dying to go to work and be away from my kids. I just don't want to wake up realizing that nothing I ever worked hard for bears ideal results. It always seems like I can never do anything well no matter how hard I tried.

Failure is so part of me that success always feels like a dream. And too often, success only happens in my dreams.

I don't aim for big bucks (although I wish out loud that I do whenever I feel bitter about all that happened). But I do wish that I can find satisfaction somewhere.

With some extra allowance, I could go for upgrading courses and then continue with my makeup services. And these extras should allow for more flexibility in what I plan to spend on that I don't feel comfortable doing now on only 1 salary.

To start off,  before CEA gives me the go-ahead, I'll be attending briefings and courses conducted by the bosses to network and learn.

I'll grab whatever I can so that hopefully unimportant people and memories fall through the gaps of my fingers.

Another step closer.

Horror Story

It's been hazy this morning and while bringing the kids to school, we wondered if the Haze is back.

It didn't smell like the Haze. AN said it could be fire somewhere. Didn't smell like for either. Thank God!

On the way home after they safely reached school, I saw hundreds of construction workers waiting outside the half completed development beside ours. 2 fire rescue vehicles were parked across the road.

My heartbeat started racing in fear.

My brains said it didn't smell like fire. Or Haze.

My heart ached and I heard it pray that no one is trapped or hurt.

Our security uncle was watching the fire rescue team work.

Asked him what happened as I walked past. He smiled and said: "Fogging. Not fire."

Phew...........

"You are not the first to ask."

My heart was wrong. The brain was right. It didn't smell like fire. It was just mosquito homicide. (Just to update, there had been 6 case of dengue at our place and NEA made several trips here to check for stagnant water and on ignorant mosquito breeders).

As I walked home, this sight actually reminded me of winter! Paired with the cool weather this morning, it DOES feel like winter.

If this was really winter, how nice........

Instilling Fear

Again.

AN glanced at the mirror and looked away immediately after. She looked a little frightened.

I asked her what happened and she said her nai nai warned her not to stare at the mirror for too long because that will give her nightmares.

Seriously.

First she caused AN to fear the dark by saying that it's necessary to keep a night light on last year because it's scary to sleep in the dark. Took a while before AN would sleep without lights from my phone.

Now this.

She's scared of everything. Scared of ghosts. Scared no money. Scared of opened doors because crooks will surely enter if we don't close the door. Scared of living on ground level because there are people who work shifts to break in to houses everyday. She locks the door when she sleeps because she's scared of break ins. She's scared of yellow lights in her room and we changed it to white.

And she has to scare my daughter with her own superstitious fears (and AS MUCH AS SHE ALWAYS JUDGES SUPERSTITIOUS RELATIVES, SHE NEVER ADMITS TO BEING SUPERSTITIOUS HERSELF.)

Is living a life full of fear so fun she has to share it with my daughter?

She can be scared of the ants and I dont care but why won't she just stop there and not bring senseless fear into this House?

Should we remind her to stop spouting nonsense to the kids? I can hear her reply right now in my brains: "你们的孩子 我才不会去管。"   or  "我什么都不对 你们什么都对。"

If I can only reply her "你什么都对。是我们不会教孩子。他们应该什么都怕。相你一样。"

Microwave Brownie

AN tried making her own chocolate Brownie (tastes like steamed cake). She made it like 3 times after she got it the first time.

She doesn't eat much of it but thankfully she has a little brother who adores the cakes she made.

This is their breakfast. Made by baker AN.
It does taste good!

Potty Training: Almost There

ER is almost potty trained. 90% I'd say. And finally.

He was introduced to the potty as early as 18 months but I didn't put him on it very often. It was only during the nights that he got to sit on the potty. More of an introduction.

Along the way, I put him on it more. He sort of got it as days went by.  But with the shifting and that period when I was out the whole day studying in the library, he went prehistoric again. But he stayed dry during most nights except for some of those nights sieben he woke up  constantly asking to drink water. He's a water boy. He does wake up in the middle of the night to drink. Hehe. One of his cute habits.

Since last month, we had been putting him in underwear. He was so cute and went around showing off his underwear when he first had it on. After a few times of wetting his underwear and changing out of them that day, he got disappointed and defeatedly begged: "Ethan keep dirtying my underwear. Ethan don't want underwear anymore. I want my diapers."

That made me feel sorry for him and we assured him that was ok and I could wash the underwears.

It did get frustrating and we tried very hard not to show our frustration although I think he could feel it. His sweet jie jie would constantly remind us that he's learning and to not punish him. We have nointention of punishing him for this of course. Just that the frustration of cleaning up wet puddles so often each day and failing to catch him with full bladder does show on our face.

Yesterday was good! He started informing Mr Liow tat he needed to pee while AN and I were away.

It went on the whole day. He was dry at night. We went for a movie and he was dry throughout. This time is different and I think he finally got it. Because he almost peed a little in his underwear and was able to stop and hold while announcing that he needed to pee this morning. There is bladder control this time. And he's announcing it now. We do not have to catch him with a full bladder this time.

His pooping is still random he does inform is but not always. There are days when he would inform only after he's done and he would excitedly announced "yeah Ethan poop and Ethan tell mummy."

I feel terrible for him when he's excited about doing something right without realizing he got it wrong. My heart aches (because I picture people waiting to shame him for that mistake as he grows older. 我心痛.)

Anyway, we'll just work on that. He almost there already. Not a fast potty master but I'm still proud of him and excited!

I told him he's a big boy peeing like daddy now and he takes my word for it.

I was reminding AN to be more understanding towards what he isn't able to do very well yet because he's still little. ER heard and corrected me: "Ethan is not a little boy. Ethan a big boy already."

Aww..... he really has a way with melting my heart.

He even asked to see daddy's "birdie" during toilet time just now. Daddy said no.

Lol!

Happy Teachers' Day

"Better Than A Thousand Days Of Diligent Study Is One Day With A Great Teacher..."

Happy Teacher's Day!

My Venus and Mars

I see distinct difference between my little ones. Whether it's because they are of different gender or if it's just because they are unique in their very own ways, I can't help but appreciate them in that special way.

Sleeping Alone
AN is a dependant sleeping partner. She has to sleep extremely near me even till now (unless someone is unwell and she has to sleep with daddy). When she was younger, if she woke up without me in sight, she would sit right there on the bed and cry till I appeared. She wakes up to look for me if I'm not with her during sleeping time now but there are that few rare occasions when she still wakes up crying for me.

ER is independent. He sleeps apart from me even though I sleep right beside him. He flips all over and often ends up resting on a higher pillow. He always sleeps better when he ends up elevated. When he doesn't find me in the room, he'll usually get up and sleep walk his way to where I may be. He has his way of locating me with his eyes almost closed. The cute thing is, he doesn't forget to close the door to his room after he walks out in search for mummy.

Character
AN had never commanded me to do anything for her. She's not always will mannered but she would never tell me to do anything "now!", or sound dictative in any ways. She obeys when I'm firm with her. And she can tell when I'm ok with waiting so she takes some advantage of the situation assuming that I'm flexible with my expectation.

She comforts me when I cry. She's what Baileys and Maen used to be. I can cry into her and she pats me as I break down. She's been a very caring girl since she was a toddler. I remembered how she didn't understand why I cried one day but hugged me and told me something funny. She smiled when she saw her how made me smile. She was about 22 months then (I rmb coz it was a week before my parents came to visit us in Tucson).

Even when she's being punished or reprimanded, she wouldn't retaliate harshly. If she is not in agreement with being punished, she would at most stomp her feet and cry. And accept her punishment.

ER allows me to cry on him too. Blankly. He jokes and makes me laugh when I'm visibly upset at something he did. That's bravery coz when I'm not easily pacified when I'm angry (especially so this past year).

He loudly talks back at me when he doesn't agree with his punishment. He is vocal with his likes and dislikes. His intentions and preferences are usually clear. I can reason with him and trick him a little but being firm hardly works at getting him to listen up.

He crumbles when I announce "Do I have to be angry all the time?" recently. He's a tough one to crack. If he says no, he means it.

Thankfully he's at this age when he does things to cheer me up. He likes to make me laugh. He's a funny boy. And he has tons of cheeky behavior and expressions that he specifically stores up to use on angry mummy so that mummy isn't angry anymore. If mummy is in a TERRIBLE temper, he speaks the most useful sentence to calm me: "Mummy, I love you." Or "Mummy, Ethan's wants to hug."

There are more but I'm sleepy. I'll try to note more later on. It'll be nice to read about them and reminisce when they grow older.

:)