Waiting for AN

Had a scuffle with AN this morning. She threw a tantrum and I did not handle it properly. In fact, I blew up and she didn't dare come to me.

Sigh..... I'm one terrible mum.

I held her and accidentally stepped on her shoes. She fell and cried but instead of showing concern, I ignored her. I stole s glance at her knee where she might have scrapped some skin off and saw no bruises. Guess I did manage to pull her back in time.

We didn't make peace before she went to class. I didn't want to see her.

She's just 4....and I expect a tantrum-free 4 year old? I've seen enough of tantrums when we are outside shopping and am I still not satisfied that AN tries to behave? In fact, she never attempts to throw a fit outside home, or even if she's insistent on something, speaking to her helps (although she may be sore about giving in).

I have issues with how she had been stamping in defiance lately, and how she sometimes appear to not hear me even after I repeat myself several times.

Did a search and was assured that kids need reminders over and over again, even if it's over something they do not usually need to reminded about.

Do I want her to listen to me without me listening to her? Do I want to be a tyrant?

So, I need to be slow to anger...!

Please, if u happen to be praying, kindly remember me in prayers. I am not the type of mum I want to be to my kids, especially AN now. I should have made peace with her before she went to class...I'm regretting it now and missing her loads.

Am counting down to 1.30pm...

P.s: mum is grumbling in the kitchen now. She found cockroach poop in the kitchen cabinets and is super pissed because she just turned the cabinets inside out and cleared them of the pests' wastes yesterday. And she had been really satisfied with her achievement. Under her breath, she vowed the cockroach will die a horribly instant death the very moment she sees it or them, for causing her huge efforts to be in vain. Quite funny to see her so upset over the cockroach. I'm out whole day now. Someday, I'll be busy cockroach hunting like her.