Sample Schedule

Much as I hate the daily struggles (with ER and food....), this is what I shall try:

8am: Wake ER and wash up

8.30am: Milk ( ..........a fearsome affair)

9am: Activities (paint, color, read, sing, playground, games)

10.30am: TV for him; housework for me and lunch preparation

11.30am: Nap

1pm: Lunch (Another fearsome event...4.5hrs in between should be fine, I hope. To try out and adjust timing accordingly).

2.30pm: Get out of the house

4pm: Prepare dinner while ER messes the kitchen

6pm: Dinner (Another round of training)

8pm: Milk *fingers crossed*

9pm: ER Sleep, I prepare for next day

I'll try this for a month I guess. It won't be simple changing his biological clock.

This is emotionally and mentally challenging. I broke down today. I have to remain sane when he wakes up later.

The obvious signs of terrible two is definitely not helping. My posts from now on will likely take on an even more negative tone.

Take it easy, Judy. If he's hungry, he will eat. If he starves, so be it. If he falls sick from starving, then start worrying.

Easier said than done... See how this is going to work out...

Puke Again

Everyday?

I'm so sick of it. Of feeding him, of puke, of rejection. Never a day of positive something that can lift me up, even if a little.

He slept early last night. No milk. The only things that got in his system was that 200mls of milk in the afternoon and tiny bowl of porridge.

Woke him up early today and it wasn't hard. Made him milk and he threw up after 3 mouthfuls.

I am going crazy...all the hellish horrors are back! Full force.......

I lost control and cried while clearing the mess. Everyday? First meal of the day? 15 hours since his last meal?

He got frightened and cried too..

I washed him up and hugged him. My heartached...he just have felt terrified...

Why does sucky situations never fail to leave me? Why do I get kids that hate everything FOOD?

WHY??

AND DON'T ASK ME WHY MY KIDS DON'T EAT. I CAN'T EVEN FIND AN ANSWER. WHY DON'T I JUST GO DIE? SUCH A SIMPLE THING ALSO CANNOT DO.

Or is this just a sick nightmare? Maybe I'll wake up soon.

Update

ER's temperature went up to 39.7°c in the morning yesterday 6hrs after the last dose of Bifen, so we brought him to Kinderclinic.

Dr Lee checked him and found nothing. I told her about that 1 diarrhea and the throwing up. She suggested it could be a viral fever. And the throwing up could be because the timing between meals are too close (especially breakfast and lunch).

I'm going to have to wake ER up earlier to start his day, do a short nap to allow him to sleep early at night (cycle repeats). So, no more "sleeping like a baby" for him. lol.

Nothing we can do with the fever except to wait for it to be over. I'm just glad there are no infections anywhere.

Dr Lee reviewed his Flixotide treatment too (supposed to see her on 21 Sept).

ER's lungs sound healthy. Hurray to clear lungs and no labored breathing for almost 3 months now.

I'm to continue puffing him: 2 puffs twice a day for whole of September, and reduce the dosage to once every night from October to November before Dr Lee sees him again on 23 Nov.

We have to leave him at home this evening with MIL to settle some stuff. He's been extremely clingy these 2 days coz of fever. Hope he'll b well by afternoon. No fever as of now.

*fingers crossed*

Update

ER's temperature went up to 39.7°c in the morning yesterday 6hrs after the last dose of Bifen, so we brought him to Kinderclinic.

Dr Lee checked him and found nothing. I told her about that 1 diarrhea and the throwing up. She suggested it could be a viral fever. And the throwing up could be because the timing between meals are too close (especially breakfast and lunch).

I'm going to have to wake ER up earlier to start his day, do a short nap to allow him to sleep early at night (cycle repeats). So, no more "sleeping like a baby" for him. lol.

Nothing we can do with the fever except to wait for it to be over. I'm just glad there are no infections anywhere.

Dr Lee reviewed his Flixotide treatment too (supposed to see her on 21 Sept).

ER's lungs sound healthy. Hurray to clear lungs and no labored breathing for almost 3 months now.

I'm to continue puffing him: 2 puffs twice a day for whole of September, and reduce the dosage to once every night from October to November before Dr Lee sees him again on 23 Nov.

We have to leave him at home this evening with MIL to settle some stuff. He's been extremely clingy these 2 days coz of fever. Hope he'll b well by afternoon. No fever as of now.

*fingers crossed*

Oops

I wonder why the 3 service providers have their customer service hotlines very similar to each others'.

The above is M1's ad but the number given "1633" takes you to Starhub. I think they meant "1623".

39.7°C

He just woke to throw up. Nothing much came out but he looked as if he was choking on something. Reminded me of when I got one of those diarrhea-puke-till-nothing-comes-out attacks.

So far, he's not had diarrhea. And this is the first puke after he fell sleep at 10.30pm. Thank God.

He was better after taking Bifen at 8pm and started playing: so cute and fun. I wished that was reality but the actual fact is, he was only well because of Bifen and it won't last long.

True enough, the temperature climbed up. At 1am now, it's at 39.8°C.

Disturbs me :(

Why so high? Please burn away whatever you need to, and leave. Ok?

Fever

ER's turn.

Like a game.

He was fine today, except that he threw up again, after nothing more than 2 scoops of porridge this afternoon. He continued eating after that and kept the rest in.

He woke up cheery from his nap but his body felt warm shortly after.

38°C

AN complained of sore throat when she had fever about 3 weeks ago (but her appetite was not affected, so I guess the throat didn't hurt too bad). Maybe ER caught the same thing?

Or, maybe stomachache? Coz he had one loose stool today which I didn't think much of coz if it is diarrhea, it will be frequent, not just one.

And he had been throwing up food quite a fair bit since last week.

Was that already a sign that I mistook for him trying to purge out food not to his taste?

What a lousy mummy I make...had he already been unwell since last week?

He's still on Flixotide for maintenance, already at the end of his second can and moving on to his third. The bronchitis hasn't returned since 8 June.

I'm thankful for that.

Is it coming back?

This is going to be another tough week for us.

Pray for wisdom, patience and health so that I am equipped for whatever is coming.

He's so clingy now, so different from an hour ago... He randomly whines too...where is the discomfort?

Test of Patience

Some days, things just cannot go right.

I've not mentioned that ER throws up a lot, have I? Every 3rd lunch on average. Or randomly when he cries, not because of punishment but because I'm out of sight.

I'm so sick of clearing puke. So frequently!

But it's ok. It's my job.

Today, same thing. He ate about 2 strands of noddles for lunch. Obviously, that's not enough.

So I gave him milk after that. Not much, for goodness sake. 100mls!

And he threw up. Milk, bits of noodles. Lots of milk. Must be all out, including breakfast.

I cleared the mess and had to mop. Guess what? The mop broke.

IT BROKE!

what a joke.

Thank goodness I had another mop but it's not as absorbent as my first. So there were puddles on the floor.

ER simply refused to sit. He kept coming to look for me (I was extremely upset by then and I guess he just wanted to come check on me. He even came to hug my legs...but I was fuming and didn't return his hug.

I love babies but am very sure I'm not pre-installed with enough patience for them when they turn into toddlers. Was the same with AN and these scenarios just opened up new cans of worms. They bring back those bad memories!

Am finally done (argh....heck. Some parts are randomly mopped and this spare mop is so dirty...my specklessly vacuumed floor this morning is now littered with dust, hair and black unknown dirt).

ER is acting cute to get my attention. I am not in the mood to play with him. And I can feel I look grumpy.

He just baby-talked me (reminded me of AN long ago) and smiled.

Sigh....

ER wins.

I'm still affected by the saga earlier (and every few days...) But I can't be upset with the little baby for long. He didn't even understood mummy was so angry with him earlier for not sitting still.

Baileys and Maen NEVER stepped around when I mopped the floor. If only they can become humans...

Growing Up

1 Year Old:

AN cried (something hurt her).

I kissed the pain, AN giggled.

2 Years Old:

AN: "Pain"

I kissed the pain and AN was pacified.

3 Years Old:

AN: "Mummy, Painful. Kiss here?"

I kissed the pain and AN smiled.

4 Years Old:

AN: "Mummy, I stepped on something. Painful."

I kissed the pain and she looked at me trying to figure out why I kissed her.

5 Years Old:

AN: "Ouch! Mummy, that hurts!"

I kissed the pain and it doesn't work anymore.

"Mummy, you don't have to kiss me. The pain is still there. I need plaster, or (antiseptic) cream..."

And she will continue growing :(

Pollution

AN had been learning about pollution: land pollution, air pollution, noise pollution and water pollution.

And this time for her watercolour doodling art  at, home she decided to leisurely paint about what she learnt in school. I'd say that was really good illustration with one side showing our environment looking clean and happy and the other side dirty and gloomy.

To reinforce the 'pollution' part, I suggested she tear up the tissue paper she used to wipe the colours on, and paste them in the 'dirty water' part of her painting. She learns 'recycling' this way. Lol.

That was fun :)

Insomnia Thoughts

Can't sleep well the past few nights but have been getting very tired by mid day lately.

I'm still struggling with ER's food intake :( he is starting to spit out food he doesn't like.

Those he accepts, he takes a long time to swallow. He doesn't chew much. So he doesn't eat much. He likes vegetables just like AN. He eats like his sister, much to my worst fears..

MIL suggested I start cooking for him.

Am I hearing things? I hope she's not assuming I have not been giving him food! It's like adding salt to injury (again...once upon a time, she suggested that AN hated food coz she didn't enjoy my cooking. Very offending...) Already I'm worried (and frustrated) that he eats so little. The accusation is not the least bit helpful.

I have prepared for him, everything I am capable of. He likes some, hates some. He gets my food too and similarly, he eats some and feeds me those he feels nothing for.

We are mostly outside home during weekends, so I don't cook for him. Because he will want the food I buy myself, not what I prepared for him. That doesn't mean I haven't started cooking for him! I started more than 1 year ago! Did she mean to hint I stop starving my children? I too wish they enjoy eating more!

She wondered aloud if I should spank him to force him to eat.

*rolls eye*

I know it doesn't work this way from my one experience with AN. Spanking makes 2 year olds cry but makes hardly any difference...

Her many times experience didn't teach her that spanking only works if the kid understands consequences and if it doesn't interfere with how the body works? And she thought I was too harsh when I disciplined AN when she was 3.

Enough about that uninvited interference. She's truly concerned but lacks the ability to say the right thing at the right time.

I'm allowing him to feed himself. With this new freedom, he starts to play with food in the bowl instead. He does eat too, and I'm extremely excited when he does, regardless of how little the amount is.

And he's starting to 'discipline' people. AN gets it most. He instructs her to 'eat', 'stop please' (my only consolation is that he says 'please', but still...), and proceeds to 'piak' her if she doesn't obey. Sometimes he does that with a verbal warning :"I beat!"

*pulls hair*

We will make it a point not to discipline her in front of him. But then the "I beat" don't know where from leh. We don't threaten AN with that.

During BS 2 days ago, he actually waved whatever he had in his hands at whoever was in his way. I can't tell if he had the intention to beat anyone, or if he was playing. Most of those times, he giggled when he did that. He appears to be playing but it's socially UNACCEPTABLE.

*palms head*

No more Ginny the Giraffe, Tom the Cat, Teddy and other interactive smartphone applications for him. Hitting the giraffe is different from hitting a human. People do not make funny expressions when attacked.

Our mistake. We enjoyed laughing with him when he laughs at the funny expressions they make and didn't foresee how that will affect him socially.

I'm like doing everything wrong with him.

Sigh.....

Many many corrections to do. And I'm still praying that he will enjoy food one day.

For now, I'm thankful for Pediasure that's keeping him alive.

This will pass.

Labelling

After almost having AN's uniform swapped with a classmate's, I thought I should just label them for easy recognition.

My terrible embroidery skills, but they were stitches of love. Lol!

One set down, 2 more to go.

Dear Little Girl

Another one about what a sweet sister AN is:

I carried her out to pee and while she was halfway through, ER started crying. She was still sleeping as she sat on the toilet, peeing. But when she heard ER's cries, she straightened up and staggered back dreamily to him while I flushed.

She rubbed his back (he was sitting upright by then) but was dozing off. She saw me coming and went back to lie down on her own bed, still running ER's back to comfort him while baby-talking her little brother: "ok, mummy's back. Don't cry ok? You have been a good boy today right?"

She is so sweet I can't believe it sometimes. Just to clarify, she's not perfect. She throws tantrums, gets upset with the annoying little boy, forgets her manners and gets into trouble too. I'm just really touched whenever her sisterly instinct emerges at the point when ER needs attention.

She still has the sensitive spirit I noticed in her when she was really little. Other characters are slowly dominating as she grows, but I'm thankful she's still sensitive. And loving. This is something I've yet to notice in ER. He's affectionate, but not exactly loving.

Thank you Lord for my little helper. I am blessed.

Ok

ER answers "ok" to my requests and that sounds adorable. He does it so very convincingly with a smile, that I believe he WILL do as he agrees with "ok".

Him: "Mummy water water!" (he wants to wash his toothbrush AND play with water at the same time).

10 minutes later...

Me: "Baby, one last time. After this, you put your toothbrush back, ok?"

Him with a big smile and without hesitation: "Ok!"

He washes it one more time, and starts asking :"Mummy, turn on. Wash!"

I have to repeat a few times (every time was supposed to be last.)

On most occasions, I have to drag the unwilling baby away.

Today, after brushing his teeth, he asked to "wash (tooth) brush" again as usual. And as usual, I asked that he washes it once, then return the brush to the holder.

He said "ok" with that cute smile.

To my surprise, after washing, he went on to reach out for the toothbrush holder. Everything my babies do for the first time never fail to excite me.

I was so proud of that I promised I'd tell daddy.

He's still learning and his "ok" doesn't always mean "I'll obey". Soon after, he found a cup and started playing with water again. No amount of "ok" or further bargaining broke him away from the tap.

Daddy had to carry him away while he struggled.

Nevermind. He got it once, he'll get it again. We'll practise. Hehe.

Prawning

Took the kids to Punggol today to catch prawns. It was more for AN because ER is still too young to understand.

For an hour, we caught only 3 prawns (each of us taking turns to entertain the little one while the other takes the rod).

The staff were nice. They gave us another huge prawn on top of our 3 prawns as they packed them in for us. We brought them to my parents place and thought my mum can cook them tomorrow but by the time we got back to our home, Andy has already steamed them!

It was fun!

Discussion or Interrogation?

We were discussing the size of a room. He thinks it's huge. I think it's big but not exactly huge. It was a discussion, I thought. And everyone has different interpretation of sizes which doesn't change the actual size.

After a while, he asked: "Why did you say the room was small?" I looked at him and he didn't appear too happy. Was that a confrontation? Over my point of view being different?

I replied that I NEVER said it was small, just didn't think it was huge. What was so important about what I thought? Was it going to change anything? Why the confrontation about what I said I thought? I wasn't aware I have no entitlements to my own views.

Or did he only mean to ask why I thought the room was small (I didn't even say anything about it being small at any time. Because I DID NOT think it was small.)

He probably didn't mean to confront me on my views. Just that like he tells me whenever I 'misunderstand' his facial expression "this is how I look", although I am sure I know how he looks when he's upset and when he's not. I see his expressions more than he sees his own, obviously.

The conversation didn't end well. I preferred not to continue because it's only going to get worse. Challenging point of views do not usually end well.

I don't challenge what you think because you have your own views. I prefer to keep mine as well, but will gladly accept yours even if it differs. If I see something I didn't notice that you did, I may end up thinking the same way. But whatever my view is, IT DOES NOT CHANGE REALITY.

Life and Death

ER just threw up in the midst of my discussion with AN for no obvious reasons. Guess it's indigestion. I hope it's indigestion! Please please please.

So, we went for my uncle's funeral in the late evening. AN went with us.

There was a service (Christian funeral) before we got to see him in the half opened coffin (with a glass layer separating him and us). I carried AN and she saw my uncle (her grand uncle) lying in there.

This was her 1st time seeing a person lying in a coffin, lifeless. It's probably uncomfortable for some of you reading at this point. I know, today is THE LUNAR 7TH MONTH. But my Lord is greater than my fears.

AN wasn't afraid but she was observing the whole walk through. My aunt cried as I hugged her (while carrying AN in my other arm) and AN stroked my aunt's shoulder to comfort her.

My little girl must have started wondering there and then, why my aunt was so sad.

And she started questioning (at the funeral):

AN: "Why is he lying inside?"

Me: "He's resting."

AN: "He will wake up tomorrow?"

Me: "No. He will wake up when he reaches heaven. Not tomorrow, not here anymore."

AN: "Heaven is not in Singapore?"

Me: "Heaven is where Jesus is."

AN starting to sound different. She's thinking fast now.

"Why is he not coming back?"

Me: "Because he was very very sick. He has cancer and it made him so painful everywhere."

AN: "You can put a plaster on him. Does that work?"

Me: "No. The pain is so bad plasters don't work. Jesus saw the pain and had to take him away so that he never has to feel that type of pain again. So, he is with Jesus now, and no more pain."

AN continued asking during bedtime.

"Mummy, when someone dies, they don't come back anymore?"

Me: "No"

She started sobbing, to my surprise.

She said she missed her yeye (Mr Liow's dad who passed away before I was even pregnant with her), and started crying very very sadly. I guess she's understanding death better as we talked. I'm no expert, obviously. But I know separation is not final. Not in all deaths.

I'm not sure where my FIL (her yeye) is now. But the Lord will not give up on him. I'll know when my turn comes.

For now, I need to comfort my emotional little girl.

It's easier to explain separation as it is when I have to leave them at home and go out. It's temporary (like the bible says, although the period mentioned is very different) but ER cries when I go. He misses me.

It's happy reunion when I come back home. Like when we see them in heaven again, it will be very happy.

I told her that responsibilities get passed on from people to people. As an illustration, Popo will leave when it's time (I've prayed that her and my dad's destination is to be where Jesus is) and I'll be popo to her (AN's) kids. Someday, I'll go and it'll be her turn to be a popo. We will miss each other and when we meet again, she can tell me: "Mummy, I missed you!"

I almost cried as I explained it.

And then ER threw up.

Thank God for the time out. It's too much for a little girl in a day.

I hated separation since my first experience with it at another auntie's funeral. I was 7 years old. And I kept crying.

That was the end. No more. No heaven, no reunion. That WAS eternal separation. Till I knew Jesus, the hopes I will have in Him, the reunion I can look forward to. Not everyone believes the same but the Lord gave me a future after the end.

I'm thankful AN is thinking. This is going to help in our sharing of the gospel with her.

Nursing Mums

http://crappypictures.com/2011/06/what-it-is-like-to-not-sleep-at-night-illustrated-with-crappy-pictures.html

This is so funny, and exactly what I'm going through, except that we don't sleep with Mr Liow.

Learning Journey

AN went on an excursion to the zoo yesterday and came home with lots of updates about the weather and things she learnt.

First off, she did not have her water bottle with her throughout the trip. She either left it in school before she boarded the coach, or left it in the coach that brought the children to the zoo.

She said she tried not to feel thirsty because she had no water to drink. My heart ached when I heard that :( I can't blame the teachers that she forgot where she left her bottle, but it'd be nice if the teacher in charge would remind the children to drink and notice if any of them were not drinking.

She had apple juice with lunch though. Thank God.

She told me she had "fried tengkaki" for lunch. I took a while to wonder, before I saw the barely consumed box of "snackers" from KFC in her bag, that she meant "Kentucky". Lol! Kentucky Fried Chicken, not fried tengkaki. We have always called it KFC or "kiak kiak chicken" (kiak kiak coz of the crispy skin). "Kentucky" Fried Chicken is a new term.

So cute.

And then she learnt about the butterfly's life cycle. She told me about the "paya" inside the cocoon before it becomes a butterfly.

My brains started wondering, again, what a paya can be. Then it occurred to me she meant "pupa". She has soooooo naturally associated the pupa as "paya", that each time she talked about it, she did not stop to correct herself. The "pupa" has become a "paya" after a trip.

-____-"

Still adorable, but I'll have to work on that till she gets the proper term.

She taught me that butterflies are wet the moment they break out of the cocoons and have to walk-flapwings-repeat till they are dry before they can fly. I also learnt that female deers love fruits. And the fox owl with a face resembling a fox.

I like how she comes back Miss Knowledgeable after every excursion. She's my teacher :)

Samba Kings Book 3

AN's song with action

Nail Polish

Got the "Clouds of Candy" blue shimmery polish for AN because she had stopped the nail biting for a long time now. It's a good excuse to pamper her (something I have almost stopped doing since ER's birth. No good!)

She couldn't decide which to choose online, so I brought her to Kiddy Palace to choose. OMG...it's $7 more costly in the store than online!

Told her she can choose only one and she made me choose because she "loves every single colour it's so hard to pick only one."




This is a lovely shade of shimmery blue that looks silver under the yellow lighting at home and in pictures.

She's so happy with her painted nails she just can NOT stop looking at them.

Even as she was reading her storybooks before bedtime, she was so distracted. And she was honest about it:

"Mummy, you have to help me point to the words. I can't point to them today because my nails are so pretty I cannot stop looking at them."

Lol.

She has no school tomorrow, so my princess gets to keep the painted nails through weekend.

Happy like a bird.

*Note to self: I'll order online as recommended by M&M Mama in future. $7 difference in price is a lot leh!

Recovering

AN's temperature has gone down from mid 38°c. It's been 6 hours since her last dose. Guess the fever is leaving.

She complained about pain in her throat. That's probably what brought her temperature up.

This girl had been looking forward to celebrating National Day in school and was terribly disappointed that she had to stay home.

The next best appointment will be with her cousins today at SIL's place. She asked if we will still be going, to which I can only tell her we will if she recovers in time. We don't want to make the girls sick.

I hope to bring her there too. She's been looking forward to these celebrations and I can't bear to disappoint. Looking at her temperature now, I think she's going to be a happy girl tis evening.

And thank God AN had been relatively strong this year with more healthy days and faster recovery from being unwell otherwise.

Thank God!

Warning: Not for Guys

I'm sure almost all my friends checking in on me here are ladies...BUT if you are a guy, you probably won't want to.read on. Check out the other posts. :p

















And my 'auntie' is finally here.

Her last visit was in December 2009, before ER chased her away.

Let's see:

With AN, I didn't have to worry about her uninvited visits during my pregnancy, up till 18 months after AN's birth.

With ER, he's now 22 months old. I have had convenience for that long.

All good things come to an end.

I realised that my complexion is less dry these few days. My skin looks less wrinkly and I feel less haggard.

My auntie brings a little of my youth back to me along with her visit this time. Guess she wants to feel welcomed.

So, welcome back! I don't want the mood swings though.

Fever

AN is having fever now: 38.6°c.

No signs of discomfort besides one complaint of stomachache and crying without apparent reason (until my mum thought she felt warm).

She's been well for a while now, since February? Thank God for that.

Praying that she will be well tomorrow. She's been looking forward to the National Day celebration tomorrow in her cheongsam.

Praying Doll

AN's drawing of her childhood companion.

Don't Swallow

No matter how interested ER is in something edible (which doesn't happen often), he will stuff himself but will not chew.

When that happens, I'll rather he spits the food out. Else the only thing that can only happen is, he pukes his previous meal out (usually milk).

I've come to a point when I rather feed him milk because that's about the only thing he will swallow. But I can't, because he is almost 2 and he MUST learn to chew!

I always start each meal, trying to resist making milk for him. It's easier for him and i, and he gets more from milk than the tiny portion of solids that gets into his system.

Sigh.....

It will pass. It can only get better. I'm looking forward to that.

Heavy hearted

Times like these, the heart aches for a friend. I wish there was more within my ability. I wish I can say the rightest thing, or do something, anything to change an outcome.

Times like these, I just want to hold my tongue because when words are many, sin is not absent.

Times like these, specifically, I pray the Lord will protect and uphold the spirits of the ones I love. That His grace will lead them on to experience the fullness of His Love and the plans He has that we cannot see or touch now.

I can't speak for the Lord. But yes, the Lord's will will not bring you where His grace will not protect you.

Lord, heal the hearts that are hurting.

Black Fungus

After so long, the black fungus are finally growing!

"Pain"

ER: "I pain."

AN: "Not pain."

ER getting agitated: "Pain!"

AN: "Not pain."

ER, desperate to convince us: "So pain! Ouch!"

AN (still cant stop teasing her little brother): "Not pain."

ER, to prove his point, lifted his feet up to my face, pointed at a scar and insisted: "See? Pain!"

Lololol....the little boy is now better able to defend himself with words.

Funny Kids Again

As usual, it's "Blow Wind Blow" during their sleep. Been a while since they stacked onto each other, asleep.


And this little boy decided to wear his t-shirt on his hips like a skirt before he was willing to keep still and go to sleep.




My funny kids once again.