Insomnia Thoughts

Can't sleep well the past few nights but have been getting very tired by mid day lately.

I'm still struggling with ER's food intake :( he is starting to spit out food he doesn't like.

Those he accepts, he takes a long time to swallow. He doesn't chew much. So he doesn't eat much. He likes vegetables just like AN. He eats like his sister, much to my worst fears..

MIL suggested I start cooking for him.

Am I hearing things? I hope she's not assuming I have not been giving him food! It's like adding salt to injury (again...once upon a time, she suggested that AN hated food coz she didn't enjoy my cooking. Very offending...) Already I'm worried (and frustrated) that he eats so little. The accusation is not the least bit helpful.

I have prepared for him, everything I am capable of. He likes some, hates some. He gets my food too and similarly, he eats some and feeds me those he feels nothing for.

We are mostly outside home during weekends, so I don't cook for him. Because he will want the food I buy myself, not what I prepared for him. That doesn't mean I haven't started cooking for him! I started more than 1 year ago! Did she mean to hint I stop starving my children? I too wish they enjoy eating more!

She wondered aloud if I should spank him to force him to eat.

*rolls eye*

I know it doesn't work this way from my one experience with AN. Spanking makes 2 year olds cry but makes hardly any difference...

Her many times experience didn't teach her that spanking only works if the kid understands consequences and if it doesn't interfere with how the body works? And she thought I was too harsh when I disciplined AN when she was 3.

Enough about that uninvited interference. She's truly concerned but lacks the ability to say the right thing at the right time.

I'm allowing him to feed himself. With this new freedom, he starts to play with food in the bowl instead. He does eat too, and I'm extremely excited when he does, regardless of how little the amount is.

And he's starting to 'discipline' people. AN gets it most. He instructs her to 'eat', 'stop please' (my only consolation is that he says 'please', but still...), and proceeds to 'piak' her if she doesn't obey. Sometimes he does that with a verbal warning :"I beat!"

*pulls hair*

We will make it a point not to discipline her in front of him. But then the "I beat" don't know where from leh. We don't threaten AN with that.

During BS 2 days ago, he actually waved whatever he had in his hands at whoever was in his way. I can't tell if he had the intention to beat anyone, or if he was playing. Most of those times, he giggled when he did that. He appears to be playing but it's socially UNACCEPTABLE.

*palms head*

No more Ginny the Giraffe, Tom the Cat, Teddy and other interactive smartphone applications for him. Hitting the giraffe is different from hitting a human. People do not make funny expressions when attacked.

Our mistake. We enjoyed laughing with him when he laughs at the funny expressions they make and didn't foresee how that will affect him socially.

I'm like doing everything wrong with him.

Sigh.....

Many many corrections to do. And I'm still praying that he will enjoy food one day.

For now, I'm thankful for Pediasure that's keeping him alive.

This will pass.