Tolerance

This young chap had his arms around his girlfriend the whole time at the crowded showflat and even as we were in deep discussion about the process of home ownership, he instinctively stretched his arm out to shield his girlfriend or pull her close to him whenever a crowd approached.

As we chatted, she asked me when I got married.

"That's my age now! She smiled.

I saw ourselves in the both of them yesterday too.

Once upon a time, his voice was tender. 

He would shield me too. 

As time went by, work affected his mood and he didn't have the capacity to be tender anymore. 

I responded in kind. 

And now he would shout at me right in my face. 

He said: "我忍你很久了"。

Because he has the rights to be affected by requests that he wasn't willing to comply with.

This time he told me. 

Other time he simply kept quiet as we drove home. 

What should I be processing in my head? I wondered if he's upset with my long hours at showflat? Or what? 

He has the rights to feel upset when it is not what he wants. 

I maintain my rights to get upset that he snaps just because there is now a reason to. How am I suppose to know when he's really upset or when he's not even though he looks genuinely upset even when he claims not to be??

Some things kill relationships. 

In quarrels, never call names ("神经病") or use terminating sentences ("我忍你很久了")。

Aren't you challenging me to call it quits because you tell me right in the face that you have been tolerating me long enough? 

That's terminal. Because tolerance has a limit. Forbearance doesn't. 

He tolerated me long enough. For? For screaming at the kids like a crazy woman all the time? For having to juggling between sending out urgent proposals while referee-ing kiddy fights at the same time? For feeling the pressure of watching laundry pile up? For remembering that Adrielle hasn't studied for her 听写 when it's tomorrow? 

My expressions as a result of that. My explosions. My behavior. Unforgivable I admit. 

But I've never shouted at him right in the face, anything that suggested I had enough. 

I bite the bullet and go on treading on landmines daily. 

He had enough of my explosions apparently. 

He didn't mean it. He only said it. To me. 

So we're OK now?

No we are not. 

He's just tolerating me.