A counselor, my foot.

I'm unwilling to leave the room.

Things to wash, pack and organize out there but I can't stand the thought of bumping into the person who changed my life in just 1 year.

I can't make myself get out to do something.

She has no idea I'm becoming like she used to because SHE IS THE BAD INFLUENCE. She thinks she learnt lots just because she went through counseling courses and is wiser now than she used to be. Wiser than I am, she believes. And has all the rights to judge me.

She didn't realize that is too late for her to learn what she no longer needs to know.

She should instead be learning how to be an inspirational elderly figure instead of brag about how she now knows what makes a good mother to young children in theory.

Don't boast about knowledge. I know what makes a good mother too and I never gave up trying, till you came to change me for the worse.

Go learn something to improve your relationship with the next generation that you personally destroyed over the years and stop trying to meddle in businesses that are mine, NOT YOURS.

That will give me room to find myself again and benefit my kids.

Please. Leave. Me. Alone.

If you learn counseling and doesn't learn to give others room and space to breath, you are just an empty vessel and deserving of what you get in return.

What else do you know that I do not? How much better are you than I?

Brag on. Continue feeding your oversized ego. Everyone you know ate flawed. You are the only perfect being. Continue worshiping yourself and leave as soon as the door opens.

Please. Leave. Me. Alone.

Self Fulfilled Prophecy

She got what she had been looking for. ER doesn't want to go to school today.

I should let her know and 顺便ask if it makes her happy now to hear tt. That was a prophecy that she had been working on to self fulfill, wasn't it?

Watercolor

AN loves to paint and it's not news.

ER likes to play with colors too.

Poster colors are easier to paint with. Watercolors required a little more 'skill'.

AN paints with watercolor.

Without that 'skill', all ER got was a wet piece of paper that dried.

Reflection of the inner person

The past 2 secretaries of the lawyer handling our Parc Centros case had been rude to begin with but after a couple of conversations (I used to enjoy sounding friendly over the phone because I hated rude callers when I worked as a customer service officer), they loosened up.

This is the 3rd one today when I called. And just as rude as the first 2.

Months ago, I would try to make the conversation friendly with "please", "appreciate your help" and "you have a good day" (assuming that work sucks for them and kind words help brighten them up a little. Didn't used to take much effort. )

Today I responded attitude with attitude. I said my piece and hung up.

This world is this hateful. Everyone expects others to be nice and I used to be that sucker.

That sucker died.

Why I HATE Her.

She has the rights to criticize me and the way I do things behind my back TO MY KIDS. And defense come in the form of words like "she's leaving soon. "

When I simply told AN in sarcasm "Mummy will buy you lots of things when I start earning lots of money", I get a good sarcastic reply as instruction to AN "go spend more time with mummy. She will earn lots of money and not have time for you soon."

Following that was a show down. In front of kids.

Needy kids demanding attention from me constantly. I need to organize not just their wardrobe but their art, Craft, books, toys and  miscellaneous.

She has the cheeks to tell AN "Your mummy is so messy" when she couldn't find ER's underwear in the drawer.

Go look into her wardrobe and tell me now neat it is. That's the ONLY thing she had to organize in this house. Plus kids don't want her.

Then come tell me who's the messy one.

Or better yet, tell my daughter. Because her grandma just told her that her mummy is messy. And because of this, AN can one day tell me "Mummy you are so messy. That's why I am."

Thanks.

And what I get as a reply is "she's already leaving."

That gives her absolute rights to damage more because she is leaving?

好。我就死心了。

I now know where I stand.

I'm full of Excuses

He'll be meeting his ex classmates tonight without me and kids.

Gatherings like these to me is just a dream.

Nice that he gets to catch up with old friends.

But I'm just a lousy friend who is always making up excuses to miss out on gatherings.

My friends believe that when I back out of any gatherings at the last minute, it's probably because I do not feel like being around. That's what his mum assumes of friends who are sole caretakers of their grandchildren. Those grandmothers sacrifice their time and friends so that their daughter/in laws continue to live like a modern day woman. So that socially they are alive. So that friends do not wonder if they died in a freak accident and no one else knew.

He has friends old and new. I lost my old ones. And making new ones is subjected to everyone's convenience.

I don't need friends. I am expected to not need friends.

When the kids are sick, when they do not have school, it doesn't bother him much. He doesn't have to stay home.

I had my first network event this morning but I have to excuse myself and weakly agree that I will be present the next time round.

So how if I'm supposed to meet clients?

The kids are no one else's responsibilities? They are only mine?

They ARE my responsibilities. So why is his mum trying to meddle?

What do you all expect from me?

When the kids act up and his mum is watching to pounce, he's having a hard time fighting fire at work. I'm having a good time negotiating with the terrorists at home and obviously I do not expect to win any any battles.

What have I stayed home for? It was a decision I made when I was young, stupid and ignorant.

Does anyone appreciate? I'm thankful AN does. Maybe ER too. But they will grow up one day and by them I'll be left to pick up my own pieces and look for friends who wonder what hidden agenda I have to be calling them up after having disappeared for so many years.

This is life. Beautiful and bright. I hope life is short just as they say.

Putting Words into His Mouth. PRACTICALLY.

ER woke up in a bad mood tis morning. He wanted to continue sleeping. I said ok. He insisted I sleep with him but I can't.

When he'sdifficult, he IS difficult. Not cute.

MIL rush into the room as he was screaming for me to lie down when I went to settle their morning stuff. He kept screaming that he wanted to me to lie down.

For odd reasons she kept asking him why he doesn't want to go to sch. He never once mentioned abt not going to school. It wasn't even about school. He wanted me to lie with him. Couldn't she hear?

For a good 10 mins she kept telling him he MUST go sch and asked him why he didn't like sch. She repeated her intentions at the already grouchy ER till he started telling her "I don't want to go to school!"

Like he replied her "I don't want to drink water" when she offered my water boy some in his very agitated state of mind.

I can't take it anymore and ask her to stop telling him to go sch. It's turning him off!!!!

He was just throwing tantrums because it's early and it doesn't even happen every morning.

He said he doesn't want to drink water when she asked too. But she didn't ask him why he doesn't want to drink????

Does it make her feel victorious of she finally gets ER to tell her he hates his school? Is that what she had been looking for? Why does it seem like she's constantly leading him into saying school sucks?

He kept repeating he didn't want to wake up. She keep asking in response, why he doesn't want to go sch. It wasn't even related.

She continued to ask if school is bad. I thought she learnt counseling? Didn't she learn that repeatedly asking "is school bad?" often enough MAKES one believe that school IS bad??????

She then ask me why he is crying. I said he wants to go back to slp. She then ask me why I won't let him.

Which one of her 2 ears did she hear me day no?! I told her he wanted me to lie with him and I couldnt. That was what pissed him. She then finally stopped  criticizing sch in front of him. Not before she had the last words "he's been like that the past few days. I don't know what happens to him in his school."

Should I challenge her? And start an argument? Or give her the last say?

I didn't want my children to hear me challenge her. GIVE HER THAT BIT OF DIGNITY IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. SOMETHING I AM DEPRIVED OF WHEN I GOT CHALLENGED RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.

I gave her the last say. Not because I agreed with her. But because I'm a better person.

For goodness sake. She doesn't even know where his school is located. What does she know? She continues to assume she's right without even attempting to get to know his school.

I thought she was told to leave us alone?

I knew she won't.