I'm full of Excuses

He'll be meeting his ex classmates tonight without me and kids.

Gatherings like these to me is just a dream.

Nice that he gets to catch up with old friends.

But I'm just a lousy friend who is always making up excuses to miss out on gatherings.

My friends believe that when I back out of any gatherings at the last minute, it's probably because I do not feel like being around. That's what his mum assumes of friends who are sole caretakers of their grandchildren. Those grandmothers sacrifice their time and friends so that their daughter/in laws continue to live like a modern day woman. So that socially they are alive. So that friends do not wonder if they died in a freak accident and no one else knew.

He has friends old and new. I lost my old ones. And making new ones is subjected to everyone's convenience.

I don't need friends. I am expected to not need friends.

When the kids are sick, when they do not have school, it doesn't bother him much. He doesn't have to stay home.

I had my first network event this morning but I have to excuse myself and weakly agree that I will be present the next time round.

So how if I'm supposed to meet clients?

The kids are no one else's responsibilities? They are only mine?

They ARE my responsibilities. So why is his mum trying to meddle?

What do you all expect from me?

When the kids act up and his mum is watching to pounce, he's having a hard time fighting fire at work. I'm having a good time negotiating with the terrorists at home and obviously I do not expect to win any any battles.

What have I stayed home for? It was a decision I made when I was young, stupid and ignorant.

Does anyone appreciate? I'm thankful AN does. Maybe ER too. But they will grow up one day and by them I'll be left to pick up my own pieces and look for friends who wonder what hidden agenda I have to be calling them up after having disappeared for so many years.

This is life. Beautiful and bright. I hope life is short just as they say.