Every Time

Everytime my kids demands attention by crying, the first thing that comes to mind is: "Shut up! That person is watching, listening and waiting to pass judgement and gossip about what a lousy mum I make."

Her presence has crippled me so tremendously that I simply cannot function. I don't live to please her. My kids are my responsibility. I should just ignore her.

Maybe. Maybe the day I find some guts within my cowardly self to shout at her to mind her own business. Maybe that's when my logical sense will resurrect.

He said he told her to leave us alone to discipline our kids.

It just didn't occur to him that in my opinion, she won't leave us alone without giving a glare or remark. Even if that glare or remark is imaginary, SHE MADE ME IMAGINE IT. Because she did it. Because images of whatever happened  in the years of relating to her HAUNT ME.

Some nightmares take time to recover from. I'm still living in my nightmare. So don't expect me to be logical, calm and normal.

If you think I've gone mad, so be it.

I'm no longer normal and I dont know what I am already.

And I don't care anymore.

You continue to act like a benevolent grandma. Only a hypocrite can speak words of wisdom like she practices it when SHE NEVER DID WHEN SHE WAS CARETAKER OF YOUNG CHILDREN.

I wish you out of my life. The sooner the better.

And I rather work harder at washing and cleaning than to open my mouth to take to you, asking for your help.

She who quotes my friction with my mum against me didn't realise that my relationship with my mum is still strong. Unlike her with her daughter's. My mum helps without expecting anything. And I would spend time with my mum over lunch and shopping. And I won't chase my mum away. Neither will my mum criticize my achievements.

Between us, there's LOTS OF friction and mutual respect and understanding.

That's like nothing she will understand.

She couldn't even handle her own relationship with her own daughter, she should just mind her own business and stop meddling mine. She should be busy with her own problem.

You want to judge me? See how blameless you are before even attempting.