Happy New Year of the Lizards

What a memorable end to 2012.....

2 lizards in 15 mins:
- First (spotted by AN crawling on the ceiling) was terminated (sorry but I really cannot live with lizards under the same roof).

- Second (that showed itself while I was clearing the earlier evidences of murder) is hiding for dear life.

The superstitious cell in me is jeering: "One lizard for the year that has past, one for the new year! Many more lizards to come!"

This is it. I can never live another day looking anywhere else but the floor and walls....

Happy New Year, Dear.

Edited:
Mr Liow got the second one @ 2357hrs. The lizard didn't cross over to the new year with us.

I know reading about dying lizards make some of you uncomfortable. My apologies.

For now, the house should be temporarily lizard-free till further notice.

Dear lizards, there are people who appreciate your capability in keeping the insect populations under control and welcome you with open windows and doors.

It'll be much safer for you and your clan to work for the appreciative human.

Please try not to enter gaps of a particularly strong lemongrass-smelling house. Lemongrass is supposed to keep you out, just in case you were not briefed when you were younger.

Happy New Year to all! I think we can all sleep better tonight..

Just a Petty Record

This is nothing worth writing and reading about, but I just want to remember how a person can be so pretentious:

Long ago (during our poly days), days after they shifted, she couldn't find some shoes. That fateful weekend, I had a date with Mr Liow but he had to postpone our meeting time till further notice. He wasn't too happy but he had no choice coz his mum, now my MIL, was kicking up a fuss about finding her shoes. Even his dad was ransacking boxes to find them and I remembered Mr Liow complaining that his mum hadn't stopped grumbling since that morning.

I remembered, because I wondered why she had to be so upset over just shoes, and why because of her shoes, I couldn't meet her son. Was young then, those were childish thoughts.

Now, it's our turn to shift. Obviously, things go missing. And I don't think either Mr Liow or myself were urgently looking for anything (I was looking for something most women need on a monthly basis but went to buy some after searching the earlier boxes in vain).

When she saw me searching (but didn't know what I was searching for), she calmly counseled me: "It's like that. I have shifted house before and I know. Things go missing. Slowly look for your stuff. Be patient."

Ha! Firstly, I wasn't kicking up a fuss and making the whole family find what I need. Secondly, I do not have the luxury to "slowly look" for what I need to prevent some bodily fluids from creating a mess. Can't find, go buy. Simple. I don't know what she's trying to teach me.

I just keep silent.

Neatly Packed

I'm a neat, clean and safety freak when it comes to kids' stuff. They rely on me to know where to find what, for safety and cleanliness. (As long as ER's airways don't get clogged, I can live with any amount of dirt!)

But I'm a super absent-minded mum. Thus arranging stuff in their room takes not just meticulous planning, but constant self-reminder where I keep what. There are invisible post-its at every corner of the room that only my eyes can spy.

Being the monkey that ER is, I have to ensure furniture arrangements do not compromise his safety (or AN's, should she be dangerously near him when he's about to manifest a disaster). I need to foresee how he'll use the bookcase to climb up the ledge to get to the windows and in the process, either gets crushed by the toppling bookcase, or fall 5 storeys from that window. Sounds ridiculous, but trust me, he did try to get to that window the moment he sees an opportunity (the bookcase). I'm not taking chances.

So I took unimaginably longer than a non-mum can understand why.

Mr Liow has been sweet.

I couldn't care less about my own clothes. But he packed them all, neatly folded and categorised, onto the shelves for me.

That was something I never achieved since we moved back into Fernvale after returning from Tucson. I dumped my clothes into my cupboard and from that day on, I had to dig into a pile of mess to look for what I needed to wear.

Thanks dear, for helping me pack.

The boxes are slowly disappearing. Credits go to him too. I seriously have no idea where to even start storing belongings from these boxes.

Why do we have so much things?

Where do they come from?

Someone should help us lose a box: Out of sight, out of mind.

Today, Freedom

Finally I'm alone with ER today. I could do what I want, clean wherever I feel like without having to check for leaky garbage bag in kitchen or trails from it towards the rubbish chute, hair all over the house after blow drying, washing spit-out food from basin, feeling like someone's looking over my shoulder whenever I'm either giving medicines to ER, or clearing stuff. I even feel guilty placing anything in the study room which she's been referring to as her room.

I finally did. I put their easel table inside. In the whole house, that room is the neatest, and most empty. Whilst the whole house is still littered with boxes and bags, she has gotten that room ready, clothes all ironed and neat (her own..)

She said we can put things in her room. She's trying to sound reasonable and like she only needs a sleeping space. Very pitiful?

So pitiful that she can get more if she wants. Just do it, none of us can fight back. But she isn't. She's actually showing me benevolence and I should be grateful.

I'm still bitter. I'm not talking to her. I only respond to questions, speak only when spoken to.

I'm told she said she'll start sourcing for a place after CNY. Doesn't seem like it. She's infamous for changing her mind without bothering about what we think anyway.

I've been dumping stuff openly, things I used to value. Because if we do shift again in 4 years, the new place is tiny.

I'm constantly reminding everyone that we are down sizing.

That's the only point that got her to consider moving out, because there will be no space there.

But she probably will take time to desensitize that fact these few years. And join us through every stage of planning that never involved her from the beginning.

Why have I turned this heartless? Because I'm nothing....just some noise, like the traffic outside the house that shuts up once the windows are closed.

I'm waiting to see when she keeps to what she says.

Yamaha Book 3 Concert

Memory Singing Pretty Bouquet Little Bluebird Jingle Bells

Something old, Something New

Kids Are Down

ER had fever since the morning of Christmas and started coughing badly by evening.

AN had low grade fever from afternoon yesterday (Christmas day) and stated coughing slightly as well.

By this morning, AN was fine, except for occasional coughing. I'm really thank she's been really strong this year! Few fevers and cold/flu symptoms that she recovered relatively fast from.

ER hadnt been very well this year but I'm also thankful that he didn't have to be nebulized since October despite catching the cold/flu virus and having to go through the hazy period.

As of now, he's feeling terrible but the inhaler is working on him. He's panting, but not breathless.

We didn't get to spend Christmas eve with the ministry this year. Hope they recover by this weekend coz we have another celebration with the girls to make up for it.

Be well soon, kids!

That's Me.

AN: "Wow! The shoes outside the house so neatly placed. Wonder who packed them."

Him: "I think it's nai nai."

"No. I DID." AN heard me. He didn't.

We entered the house and he realized his mum wasn't home yet. He then wondered: "She's not back! Who could have packed these shoes?"

"Me. ME! I DID!!"

Irony of it was, she came back later in the night and kicked her shoes off at the other corner without even putting them together. They were, messily apart.

Now besides the house, I even have to share credit for maintaining my own house. And she's nowhere near my standard, to be frank.

Damn it. Really.

Moved

Whatever's left of Fernvale, only in pictures and our memory.

Falling Milk Teeth

AN complained about soreness coming from her bottom front tooth at my mum's. Kris felt it and told me it's shaking. That was on 18 December (coincidentally our 8th wedding anniversary)

My baby's first experience with a falling milk tooth!

She tells me it hurts once in a while but when it doesn't, she can eat hard food (like prata) without complaining. When the pain comes, it hurts even when she's drinking soup.

Our parents would have pulled it out but I read the tooth should fall out in about 5 days.

I don't have the guts to pull, so I'll wait.

AN told me the story about the tooth fairy leaving money for little children's teeth and reminded me to leave her tooth under her pillow so she gets paid when it falls.

I found that cute, till I read that we parents are the paying fairies.

lol!

Whatever makes my baby happy.

Last Night

19 December 2012
We're sleeping in our home, our very lovingly established home, for the last night.

But our last night is stark contrast to our peaceful first night. Back then, we indulged in our newfound freedom. Today, it is total chaos. Mad chaos. The kids enjoyed themselves play-pretending to live in a castle with boxes piled up high as castle walls. Fights are expected and they happen too often. Then someone comes crying in pain, or anger. That's usually AN. Because ER is indeed rough.

It really gets on my nerves!

Every move is different:

When AN was 1, we moved to Tucson. Packing was tedious but my parents could easily entertain her.

When AN was 3, we moved back. She was old enough and packing was only dreadful because we had lots of things.

This time, she's 5 and ER's 2. It's harder than ever! I don't even know how much harder.

So hard we are past bedtime but still I dare not stop packing.

Just wish for it to be over soon!

We Are Moving

It has taken us this long to update this:

We will be moving out tomorrow. I'm sure some of you would have guessed but Mr Liow insisted on keeping it a mystery for the past 6 months.

that's all for now.

argh...

"I have clothes I still want to wear tomorrow. and I'll pack my shampoo and shower foam tomorrow."

I said ok. We have things to bring over anyway. It doesn't necessarily have to be what she needs till then.

BUT

She has to carry on with a comment, slightly sarcastic: "Anyway you have your stuff still in the bathroom too."

And what's that supposed to mean? That I can't tell her to pack because I havent packed mine? That's the least important among the many things at home.

If it was SIL, there would have been a fight. She always thinks SIL wants to pick a fight.

Why won't she just listen to herself?

I don't need her to sneer at unpacked corners when we're already so busy.

Too bad for me, I just have to live with it. And I really hope not for too long.....

心寒了

Went to the new place yesterday. While I unpacked some stuff, she was busy checking the place out.

Fine. That was her first visit, so she probably was excited. She told the kids as we were making our way there: "We are going to see OUR new home!"

The way she she said "我们的新家", it sounded as if she was telling me there isn't anything I can do about it. You know, like "just face it".

Once at the new place, my dear hubby excitedly showed her around. I had been excited too.....till he brought her to the study room and said "this is your room."

My heart sank. Whatever excitement in me shattered. I felt as if I just fell 5 levels down from the balcony, but realised I was still standing there, savouring every moment of anger and increasing hate.

He asked me why I appeared upset. He was concerned if she said something nasty about the house that disturbed me.

NO!

PAST EVENTS, EVENTS THAT INVOLVE HER WHICH COME BETWEEN US, MY UNHEARD VOICE! THAT DISTURBS ME!

WHEN WILL ANYONE START SHOWING SOME RESPECT FOR MY OPINION!?

He said her staying with us is not final, that we just havent had time to talk about it.

So what if we talked?

I clearly remember how selfish she had been to us as we prepared to leave for Tucson in 2008. Those things she wanted from us, she kept PRESSING us to bring to her. She didn't help a wee bit hut was so damn concerned we would forget her things. And hw instead of appreciating, she scolded us for bringing those things to her because some stuff were bulky and she mistakenly thought it wasnt what she asked for.

My encounters with her selfishness cannot be explained in 1 post but friends who have been with me read my updates. Trust me, I do not update every incident. Stupid me. I wanted to forgive and forget sometimes. But it's not worth. Keep silent and people conveniently step on you.

Was saying, so I told him I didn't want my parents to bring her stuff back.

The last night, he asked my parents a last time ifthey could help.

Whatever shit discussion we had, my opinion was just shit. Plain noise. They ended up bringing those stuff back.

"We havent discussed". What are we going to discuss that will change everything?

She didn't even tell him she has decided to stay. She told me. Because obviously, I can't say no, right?

Better still, he went to tell her our study room is HER room.

How do we salvage anything from now?

JUST SHUT UP, LIVE WITH IT. ACCEPT THE FACT THAT NO BLOODY OPINION YOU MAKE WILL MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE, OK? JUST SWALLOW IT!

No need to discuss anything. She made it so hard for us to even bring up such a sensitive issue. Had she waited long enough for us to invite her to stay? So to protect herself, if she said she wants to stay, we, the younger generation, will hv not choice but to take it. This is such a sensitive topic and she obviously is taking advantage.

Who cares a single shit about what I think or say?

Who cares?

WHO CARES??!!

My opinion doesn't count.

JUDY, YOUR OPINION DOESN'T COUNT!

GET IT???

SHUT UP AND MOVE ON.

STOP HOPING FOR A MIRACLE. MIRACLES DON'T HAPPEN TO YOU, JUDY.

Live With It

She wants to give my kids $200 each every month, to save up.

I said they have saving plans. That will be sufficient. I insisted they are well taken care of.

Hours later, she's back at the same topic, with the real reason: "Since I'm now staying with you, expenses will increase. I've decided to stay on. Other people will gossip if I move out. This should help with utility bills."

So she has decided to stay.

I can't ask her to leave. I can't ask my hubby to suggest she doesn't make our place her permanent home. He will not ask her to reconsider.

The decision is final. So convenient.

She was the one who insisted she wants to have her own place. Then she's worried about gossips now.

Frankly, I'm depressed by her decision. I really am not prepared to stay with her.

I hate it that we are now back in Singapore with the mums interfering in even the most subtle ways, the things we do with our kids.

But we HAD a home to return to, where the kids gets adjusted back to rules and regulations.

The home is no longer mine. I either voice out my displeasure and risk being labelled as a difficult DIL or suffer in silence.

I prefer no sweeping at home and did tell her but she insisted she prefers to sweep. Despite me telling her that ER has sensitive airways and is prone to bronchitis.

And how carelessly she held the spoon with the back sticking out and barely missed poking ER in the eye........my heart almost jumped out. Thank God for protecting my boy!

And how we've been taking turns to have diarrhoea (even AN who hardly complains about stomachache...)

And how I see puddles of water in the kitchen from who-knows-where.

And how she hangs those clothes in the drying rack overhead with clothes stuck at odd edges and then they go out of shape.

So many differences. I'm difficult. I'm a perfectionist in this sense. I want my home to be the way I want it to be.

I no longer can.

She wants to help. It's goodwill. But then what do I do? How do I get my neat, dry, whatever-sparkled-must-sparkle, pest-free environment back?

I don't have to like it. I just have to take it. It's unfair to me. Why do I have to? Why must I be made to choose between living in agony or telling the truth about how I feel. Obviously, I can only be truthful in my blog. I can never tell her "I don't want to live under the same roof as you."

So even if someone asked me for my opinion, I won't tell the hurtful truth.

Stupid Judy. You deserve to have things happen to you because you are a coward.

Test of Sanity

Put the kids at my mum's.

One sleeps, the other loiters...

I scold this one, and then the other, and then this one, and then the other.

Mum encourages AN to draw for a competition and AN starts. 5 mins later, mum blames me for delaying AN's nap.

I only to keep things within my control at hm (not anymore now.....)

All hell break loose. There's not a moment of rest to regain sanity. Not even when I'm shitting. Not a single moment.

Calls for servicing or delivery usually involve background interference: fights, requests, screams. When they need to bug me, it has to be when I'm occupied.

This is a phase.

Sigh.....

But it is exhausting.

What Competes My Day

With kids who survive on air and water alone (at least for first 4 years of life), it makes me happy just to see them interested in food.

I don't like senseless snacking.

When I was pregnant with AN, I told myself I'll never give my kids sweets like MIL gave the nieces (a tube of Fruit Tips in a bowl, each. Every day.) I don't think anyone does that anyway.

When AN came, and started solids, I realized choice of snack is crucial. It gives her the energy and calories to grow because I couldn't rely on her meals. She just didn't like to eat!

So, I stopped guarding against salt, sugar and seasoning. And she ate what I cooked for ourselves. She didn't want rice, only wanted the vegetables. So be it.

Was a horror feeding her back then.

I gave her ice-cream for supper because she didn't enjoy milk. And I offered her chocolates. We made brownies together and she looked forward to eating the brownies she made.

She started nibbling. Better than nothing.

I'm trying to do the same with ER now. He's all skin and bones :(

I eat chocolates in front of him, a lot. But her never showed interest, till 2 days ago. He took a bite and that would be it. I know why I'm expanding. I'm eating 70% of ER's snacks. High calorie ones.

He still doesn't like ice-cream. That will have to change, if I sacrifice my waistline.

And he's starting to be interested in the Sarah Lee cake in the fridge. Because it's chocolate cake.

Yeah!

He had a full cup of milk (240mls) and half a slice of cake last night.

I'm super happy. Lol!

Still, no sweets. There are enough sugary snacks to give them sugar rush, and I rather they eat something sugary (if they have to) WITH NUTRIENTS THAT BENEFIT THEM.

Documenting this picture because he rarely eats like this!

Here to Stay

- She needs the new address so that she can change the address on her IC

- She bought many extra hangers

- She says we are not supposed to let everyone know what happened exactly. If anyone wonders, tell them she's going to stay with us from now on.

And when I thought better of her because she mentioned she wont tell me more about her fight with SIL (which I thought was the fairest comment from her since I met her), I realized I was just gullible.

She said her good friend's daughter is a little loony in the head. And she thinks she's in the same shoes, that it's her misfortune she has SIL as her daughter, forgetting how sweet SIL had always been with her, obviously except when they argue.

The friend's daughter was made out to sound like a loafer who wishes her dad dead through sms every other day. SIL gave MIL a private place to stay when MIL wants to rent her place out. And SIL showered her with (branded) gifts and praises every once in a while.

But she thinks she is in the same plight as her friend.

And she even commented "these ang mos are brainless, anyhow find a woman to marry", referring to SIL's hubby?

I'm starting to believe SIL who said MIL called her a prostitute for always getting home late from work.

Those unkind words MIL used on her. That's just tip of the ice berg.

So, yes. I'm wrong. She still doesn't think she played a part in this failed mother-daughter relationship. It's all her bad daughter's problem, non of hers.

Thankful that she's not my mum.

But then, so what?

Who's This?

Mr Liow thinks I look like Tanya Chua. I didn't think so. Or probably there is some resemblance afterall?

P.s: This is Tanya Chua's picture by the way. Hehe.

Not Superstitious

"The first day you move in, you have to buy rice and oil. Throw the rice for good luck."

Long time ago, we didn't have a choice. It's not my call to obey or defy. No one defies instructions from up there.

And then weeks after our wedding, I found four $1 coins, one at each corner of our wedding bed.

She sneakily put it there despite me insisting that I won't want to do that.

And I won't know, till I changed bedsheets for the first time.

I am staying out of her way now that we're staying together, hopefully not forever. I thought she had not been that domineering for the past weeks as well.

But I am prepared that once she's comfortable where she now is, her instinct to be 'helpful' will surface.

And so it is. The same old rubbish about throwing rice.

Mr Liow said we are not superstitious and she said she isn't too.

*roll eyes*

That's not superstition. What's that?

She said it's better to believe.

I'm no longer that young, dumb and coward DIL 8 years ago.

Her "you guys don't pray enough, god won't bless you." And a church's preschool teacher who hadn't pursued 4 years of no increment in pay because the teacher is serving the Lord, she thinks she is stupid.

I am unsure if we are praying to the same God. My God has no "Terms and Conditions" in His love for us. He doesn't need "tools" to bless our home. Neither does He bless us only when we pray.

I made it clear that if she wants to buy these for THAT PURPOSE, I'll throw them away.

Please, don't suggest anymore. She's helping only when she's free anyway. I don't know how to appreciate those "help".

Clumsy Landing

Haven't fallen for a long time and when I do, it has to make an impression.

Hurts. Ouch.

I know I'm too fat when AN tells me so

AN: "Mummy, your tummy is so big and your butt is so fat."

And she proceeds to demonstrate my posture by sticking her butt out to emphasize the "fat butt".

Then she rubs it in further by suggesting: "Mummy, you should give birth, then your tummy will not look this big."

Duh.........why did I give birth to a daughter?

Fever

ER is having fever, 3rd day now. He's 37.8°c now and highest at 39.1°c last night.

There had been no signs of any other discomfort besides the fever. But there's a swell on his left eye lids. And he's blinking his eyes hard.

I thought it could have been his hair getting into his eyes and trimmed some, my first attempt at cutting his hair and he now looks funny. lol! That didn't keep him from blinking.

Then I realize he only starts blinking hard when he's watching the TV. He's ok otherwise.

Dry eyes? Eye infection (but no redness except for the swollen lid that looks like he knocked into it more than it looks infected.)?

He had runny nose and a little cough 2 weeks ago but thank God that didn't result in bronchitis.

It's almost a week since he got better. What can the fever be due to?

And the blinking eyes.

Sigh...

At this rate he's growing, he's going to be a very small boy. :( and hopefully not undernourished...

And I already see his rib cage.

How leh...

Descriptive

We were lying belly down, looking through ER's favorite Animal Book when he looked up, pointed at my cleavage and exclaimed excitedly: "I see TUNNEL! A TUNNEL!"

-_____-"

A Reason to Be Kind

I don't need a reason to be kind, not unless I need to convince myself to rise up beyond my dislike for someone.

Wont you agree that it's always easier to be kind to those who have been kind to you?

When I suggested passing what we will not need in 3 weeks time to them who have shown us much kindness (that's what has been translated to me, unless it isn't what I've been told), I was looked in the eyes and questioned: "Why do you have to be so nice??"

I don't have to be. If you have other plans, go ahead and implement them. I just thought if the remaining quarter of what's unused will be going to waste, why not share?

I don't see why my kind intentions should be questioned.

Like my MIL stays at us now. Do I need a reason to be kind like I am to her? I assured her that she can stay for as long as she wants. She said she will look for another place (because she has a home that she wants to continue renting out, for money. She wants to still be able to afford to travel long haul and satisfy her material wants, NOT BECAUSE SHE'S HOMELESS, unlike other poor elderly who have no homes.)

So, while I offered her a place under our roof for as long as she likes, she replied she wants her own place and will shift out someday.

I rose above myself and showed kindness. I could have shut up and made her feel unnecessary and unwelcome. I'd frankly love to and trust me, I am trained to be unkind whenever necessary now. Like her, I don't have to be nice when I don't like to. Told you she's bad influence, didn't I?

Now, she's subtly asking for a cabinets at our new place to store her stuff. That I understand, because her stuff are all in luggages. But is there a reason why I should be kind?

She will get that big wardrobe in our originally planned study/play room. Now that will become HER room and  there goes my original plan of separating AN and ER's clothes for neater storage. It's something I've been looking forward to but have no space for currently.

Because of her, I have to change my plans and still NOT have enough storage. Tell me, why should I be that kind then? To always be accommodating her?

She questioned us when we asked her to help us bring a tiny piece of clothing for Mr Liow's cousin's toddler when we were in Tucson. She questioned us, like how I was questioned this time: "Why do you have to be so nice?" And then she refused to help us bring it back.

If you guys remembered, she bought so many things for  HERSELF that she couldn't bring them with her either.

MY PARENTS HAD TO BRING HER STUFF BACK FOR HER. AND I REMEMBERED BECAUSE I AM PISSED.

Tell me why then, do my parents have to be so kind?

If we need a reason to be kind, my parents wouldn't agree to bring her stuff back for her when SHE thought it was ridiculous of us to have gotten a flat piece of outfit for the toddler and waste her luggage space.

Why should my parents be kind???

I am kind because I have been shown kindness. The world has enough selfish people. We met enough selfish people and hate encounters with such people. Why then, can't we make a difference?

I wasn't even suggesting going above and beyond our convenience, to share what we have with these people who had been kind to us. I was just suggesting we do not waste what's left over.

Or if we can do something else, let's do it another way.

The last thing I need is to be questioned for being kind. In fact, I don't need that.

If I have to give a reason for every act of kindness I show, I'll hack it and firmly insist that I will NOT accommodate her and that she leave before we shift. I don't need a reason to inconvenience myself for her.
There's no reason to.

That Gaze

We went to watch Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn last Thursday. The first one I watched, I fell asleep. Not a single bit captivated back then.

This time, because Mr Liow was on leave and we had to watch something but our first choice of local production Ah Boys to Men was sold out, we went for Breaking Dawn.

And I'm in love with that show!

The beautiful cast, the melancholy of the plot, the story, the music......

And Mackenzie Koy!

This little girl has a familiar gaze. The way she looks on at people around her reminds us of our little girl back home. If only AN is less of a chatterbox. Lol!

I'm going to rewatch Part 1.

Fire In the Hole

Both kids were enjoying a bubble bath together when AN screamed: "Mummy! ethan pooped in the bath tub!"

I rushed in to see her tiptoe-ing at the furthest end from the floating mash of poop which was disintegrating and dissolving at top speed, into the previously lavender-scented bath water, and hurriedly rescued her to wash her clean. She's so disgusted with ER, insisting he did it on purpose.

Lol! lololol!

ER freaked out too! (I can die laughing!) He observed AN's disgust and trusted that if jie jie thinks it's disgusting stuff, it has to be. He started screaming and panicking while daddy scratched his head, wondering how best to settle the shit that will, without a doubt, melt into his hand, should he try picking it up.

I suggested letting the water go first and then pick up whatever is left. And to remember to scrub that baby clean!

I had to Dettol the tub after cleaning it with body foam.

It's going to be a while before she asks to bath with ER again.

Lol!