Today, Freedom

Finally I'm alone with ER today. I could do what I want, clean wherever I feel like without having to check for leaky garbage bag in kitchen or trails from it towards the rubbish chute, hair all over the house after blow drying, washing spit-out food from basin, feeling like someone's looking over my shoulder whenever I'm either giving medicines to ER, or clearing stuff. I even feel guilty placing anything in the study room which she's been referring to as her room.

I finally did. I put their easel table inside. In the whole house, that room is the neatest, and most empty. Whilst the whole house is still littered with boxes and bags, she has gotten that room ready, clothes all ironed and neat (her own..)

She said we can put things in her room. She's trying to sound reasonable and like she only needs a sleeping space. Very pitiful?

So pitiful that she can get more if she wants. Just do it, none of us can fight back. But she isn't. She's actually showing me benevolence and I should be grateful.

I'm still bitter. I'm not talking to her. I only respond to questions, speak only when spoken to.

I'm told she said she'll start sourcing for a place after CNY. Doesn't seem like it. She's infamous for changing her mind without bothering about what we think anyway.

I've been dumping stuff openly, things I used to value. Because if we do shift again in 4 years, the new place is tiny.

I'm constantly reminding everyone that we are down sizing.

That's the only point that got her to consider moving out, because there will be no space there.

But she probably will take time to desensitize that fact these few years. And join us through every stage of planning that never involved her from the beginning.

Why have I turned this heartless? Because I'm nothing....just some noise, like the traffic outside the house that shuts up once the windows are closed.

I'm waiting to see when she keeps to what she says.