Love the Girls

Written the might after gathering but forgotten to post. Lol!

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We did make it to the Christmas gathering with my SHSS girls at the farthest end of Singapore yesterday.

Wonder if it's coz I'm too tired, or if I've not had a proper conversation for too long, I actually needed to warm up to these girls I've known for 20 years!

Needless to say, kids had a blast.

This time after gathering, I felt like a terrible mum though.

I can't exactly say why. Maybe I was already feeling melancholic lately. Everything I see appear bleak and colorless these days.

ER falling sick every month and not enjoying proper food caused him to look undernourished. I could already see his skin and bones. And when the 3 boys showered together last night, my heart sank even more. He looked sickly beside the other boys who still have baby fats on them. ER had none.

Guess it's in the genes. AN was worse back then.

I can't seem to find anything that I did right with my kids. I spend more time telling AN "no" or "wait", than I actually get to do stuff with her.

ER is not thriving physically, and that bothers me most.

After analyzing the whole night, I realized I spend too much effort on watching the weight chart. So much that I neglected other aspects of his growth.

I'm envious of Is' free spirit and T's discipline. ER is still very much mummy's boy who comes check if I'm round the corner every now and then, but lacks the discipline to keep still when he's supposed to.

I know every kid is different. But I can't help reflecting constantly if I'm doing right.

This stage should pass.

I see AN playing with the girls and am rather contented. Other than some kiddy disagreements here and there (none that I personally chanced upon though), it seems she's already comfortable with them. She even took a shower with them, her first outside home!

Just one session like this and my brains keep me up the whole night reflecting and planning, worrying and comparing.

Mr Liow says I think too much. But how do I worry less? I'd like to quote my mum: "there will never be a day a mum stops worrying for her kids."

Anyways...

Thank God the kids showered before we came back, because it was late and they were tired by the time we reached. Smart ideas these mummies have! Lol!

Thanks to Pei and Terry who gave us a lift home despite having tired kids on board themselves.

I'm thankful for this group of who were around through most part of my life. 20 years, as Yun pointed out.

Am just waiting for the kids to grow up so that we can make it our Girls' Gathering again (having a choice whether to bring the kids) like it started out long ago.