My Imperfect Children

AN has this bad habit. Despite being told that a playdate has to end there and then. She would get upset and express it such that it makes me wonder why I would even arrange for a play date in the first place....

Over the weekend, it happened twice.

I got to a point where i broke down. So did they. Both of them. Even though ER was innocent, he suffered my anger more than she did. Because she had the luxury of a study table in her room to work on. ER, not yet.

ER is my peace.... Even though I flared up at him that much, he persisted in lifting my mood up.

Finally it was time for dinner on Sat evening and I got them to put all their work aside.

We sat down for dinner.

They apologised. I broke down and wondered aloud why they (specifically AN) has to, without fail, show her displeasure at the end of every play date. She's 11! She should be the matured one!

I was having my meal halfway through and couldn't continue when I started sharing my pain with the kids.

ER hugged me tight. After analysing the situation and feeling confident it was safe for a family hug, he pulled AN close to us and initiated that we speak to God.

"Mummy Let's pray."

And for the first time, my boy prayed for me. For us. He had his arms around AN and I. And he prayed a matured prayer

"Dear Lord Jesus, please help mummy feel better. Please bless our family and help us not to be upset with each other. Help jie jie to not make mummy angry anymore."

He stopped. We usually continue each other's prayer. But that day, his prayer was more than enough for me. For us.

Our God listens to the little ones. I see how the Lord works on AN's faith. The Lord will be ER's peace too.

My boy then picked up my fork and started feeding me without a second word. His other arm was still on my back and he was patting me. It was so comforting.

AN was apologetic too. She's such a sweet girl. That's one of the only few issues I have with her.

I love my children. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's hard. When I find it hard to love them, I see myself being an unlovable mum as well. It works both ways. The kids will always drop me notes.

These are precious. I don't know when these notes will stop. But my prayer is that even when they do, our relationship will continue to grow and take root in the love and safety of our Father's hands.

I pray that the Lord will speak through me. See through me. Think through me. I am His vessel. I want to be a vessel He can use.