Baileys and Maen: Solution

We had a talk. Mr Liow suggested getting help. I can't think properly at this point.

I'll elaborate more when my thoughts are more collected but to sum it up (as clearly as I can now):

- I dropped by Pets Instinct last weekend to get food for BM thought of saying hi to Serene but she wasn't around. Surprisingly when she called me back, she remembered us! We had not been in contact for at least 5 years. It occurred to me to ask if she knew of anyone who are looking at adopting ckcs-es. (She was the 2nd person from whom I learnt about CKCS-es. She has 4 of her own).

- Mr Liow suggested we ask if she can help us foster BM following the episode last night after the accumulated pressure. He doesn't suppose we drag till I need psychiatric help.

- He called her and before he even asked, she seemed to feel our need for help and offered to help us foster them till they get adopted. In fact, she said she already has someone who's interested and he's checking with the rest of the family before she links us up.

- She so kindly offered to receive only token amount each month for taking BM in after Mr Liow asks about the charges, till they get adopted. Other than Mark, she's the only other person we can think of to leave BM with. Mark had offered his place for us to leave BM at no cost when we first asked him to help us look out for adopters but he has his own stuff that he's busy with too and we didn't want to bother him.

- So, we will bring BM there after 5th May. Mr Liow asked that we be involved in the rehoming process to which Serene replied: "of course!"

Will there be a closure? There will never be. And then the thought of letting go was overwhelming I couldn't stop crying again. AN hugged me and assured me that they will be ok while Mr Liow reminded me that we can surely trust Serene with the contacts she has.

I make lousy decisions and had asked for the wrong things at the wrong time. Never will I dare to do that again. Once is enough and others have to suffer along with me. I'll just live my life safely, doing what is expected of me. It's easier this way.