I Don't Love AN Enough

She deserves more than I can give...

Many times, this 5 year old needs constant reminders. Sometimes she forgets. When she forgets even after the many reminders, I get frustrated.

And for forgetting, she sometimes suffer even without the need to be punished.

I'm becoming an angry person. Sometimes I wonder why I have to he nice to others when not everyone puts in effort to be kind.

With that evil thought I plant, unknowingly I train myself to become cruel and heart hearted.

And when AN slipped and fell, I got frustrated instead of protective. My instinct wasn't to pick her up and comfort her. I even spanked her for crying in pain.

What an ass I'm becoming.

After cooling down, I hugged her and heard what she had to tell me. She didn't slip because she had been running. She only knew it was slippery and she couldn't stop herself from falling.

:(

And I spanked her for something she didn't have control over.

Maybe I am no more of a human than her, whose ways I hate. I'm becoming more and more like her.

I refuse to be. I REFUSE TO BE!

I will not hurt my baby. I will protect my baby. I will be slow to anger. I will listen before reacting. I will not react in anger. I will not let evil encroach me. I refuse to be affected by evil ways.

I REFUSE THE HOLD OF THE ONE TO WHOM I DO NOT BELONG.

The Lord made me a mum to protect, love and serve my children, a wife to bring comfort to my husband.

I DO NOT BELONG TO THE DARK. So, I'm stepping out. I do not wonder why I need to be kind to the unkind. I only need to remember that me and my household serves the Lord.

Judy, remember.