My Angel

A series of events with the empress occurred since morning and by now I'm drained. So drained that I broke down.

Earlier on, my sweet AN tried to help me control the wild boy and his nonsensical requests. Even to the extent of giving him something her friend gave her that she had been excited about because he insisted on having it, just so that he stops throwing tantrums.

Her grandma bought them each 2 packets of snacks, while they are currently still coughing. And she personally passed it to them.

AN knew for sure that it's a no-no till they recover and passed hers to me. ER insisted on having the Lotte cream biscuit which I obviously wouldn't allow. He then asked to have a stick of Oreo wafer and I unwillingly allowed, for peace's sake. I then went to hide all those snacks.

The grandma came out and saw him eating. Then she asked: "You shouldn't be eating now. You are still coughing."

I had to hold myself back from retorting her.

I really try so so so so hard.

It all came out in tears as we lie down for their nap.

My sweet sweet Angel is comforting me as I'm writing (I have to release steam somewhere, don't I?).

She hugged and kissed me and had been rubbing my arm (she's dozing off now. I can feel her movement softening). As she was rubbing me, she soothingly repeated: "sshhh... mummy it's Ok. I love you Ok mummy?"

She then coaxed me to stop by warning me that I'll grow old fast if I continue crying.

This is not easy. Why is someone else tougher to handle than my own children?

This is only 1 out of the lot of stuff today.

It's never going to end. You seriously believe she's leaving? It will not end even IF she does ultimately move out.

You just don't see it!

You just DON'T. My daughter does. She feels my struggle. She's my only salvation from depression.