It's a constant struggle: Self Worth.
Scenerio 1
Mum: Ask Andy to do it when he comes back.
Me: it's just cables. I don't need to wait til he comes back to take 3 cables out and put 3 in.
(bro took out the AV cables of the DVD player from the TV and replaced them with the Playstation's.
There were 2 sets of cables hanging. One belonged to the DVD player, one to an unknown appliance. I put one set in, but got no signal on the TV).
Dad: Why don't we wait for your bro to do it (goes on to grumble that he should have connected the original cables back after his games).
I proceeded to take out the cable that gives no signals and put in the last of the 2 sets originally left hanging behind the TV. While doing so, I could feel my parents' fear. They were worried I'd cause an explosion. Note: I wasn't even touching the power.
It worked, and they were relieved.
Firstly, fixing up an appliance is not rocket science. It does help a little with my limited engineering knowledge, and the color codes on the sockets.
Secondly, I stay home for the kids but I don't trade my brains for the time I now have for them. Adrielle can do it too if she sees me doing it.
Scenerio 2
Were causally chatting with my family when brother joked: "you won't know. You've not been working since you got married."
Fact: I stopped working 2+ years later but continued with freelancing. But I think I know, because it's common knowledge, again, not rocket science.
Scenerio 3
In December 2009 when MIL went to Tucson to visit us, I helped her send an email to a friend with exact details of individual prices of the stuff she helped her friend get.
Her friend recently recalled this and commented that the details in that email was clear and very well 'projected'. Mil proudly said that because Mr Liow is an officer, he's very detailed. She forgot who wrote it.
Mr Liow scratched his head, wondering when he wrote that. To clear the air, I said I was the one who did it.
She looked at me blankly and asked: "You know how to write an email like that?"
And why not? Was it because I am not working? Because I stay home and should by right, be stupid?
I am thankful though, that,my husband is trying to be careful with his words in this area. We had struggles over this issue lately and if you remember reading posts I wrote in Tucson when he unintentionally said things he didn't mean and he has, since then, tried very hard not to puncture my already miserably tiny bubble of confidence.
He asks me stuff regarding his work, and shares with me relatively technical details about his job. He's probably just sharing to offload stress but to me, these conversations mean something. I feel good when I understand what he's talking about!
When a conversation makes a person feel good, it either has elements of praise in there, or that person is trying to relate and is happy when 'connected'.
Oh my goodness.
Like what Lishi advised yesterday, many times, it's how I see myself. Struggle with self worth is an ill after-effect of not working for too long. People may not mean I'm worthless but I feel that of myself. And it's so easy for the devil to plant seeds of doubt in me. I doubt how my loved ones value me and I start believing I really am not productive or useful at all, totally dispensable. And there's nothing my kids can be proud of in future when they tell their friends about "mummy".
Imagine:
A: "My mum works at Xxx."
B: "My mum is a manager."
AN/ ER: "My mum stays at home whole day to eye us. She doesn't know anything...." and hangs their head in embarassment...
Sigh....
I hope that never happens. I'm trying to catch up with society in as many ways as I can and I'm thankful technology allows me to catch up. So glad I can find so much info on the internet these days.
I think I understand my mum better now.
Scenerio 1
Mum: Ask Andy to do it when he comes back.
Me: it's just cables. I don't need to wait til he comes back to take 3 cables out and put 3 in.
(bro took out the AV cables of the DVD player from the TV and replaced them with the Playstation's.
There were 2 sets of cables hanging. One belonged to the DVD player, one to an unknown appliance. I put one set in, but got no signal on the TV).
Dad: Why don't we wait for your bro to do it (goes on to grumble that he should have connected the original cables back after his games).
I proceeded to take out the cable that gives no signals and put in the last of the 2 sets originally left hanging behind the TV. While doing so, I could feel my parents' fear. They were worried I'd cause an explosion. Note: I wasn't even touching the power.
It worked, and they were relieved.
Firstly, fixing up an appliance is not rocket science. It does help a little with my limited engineering knowledge, and the color codes on the sockets.
Secondly, I stay home for the kids but I don't trade my brains for the time I now have for them. Adrielle can do it too if she sees me doing it.
Scenerio 2
Were causally chatting with my family when brother joked: "you won't know. You've not been working since you got married."
Fact: I stopped working 2+ years later but continued with freelancing. But I think I know, because it's common knowledge, again, not rocket science.
Scenerio 3
In December 2009 when MIL went to Tucson to visit us, I helped her send an email to a friend with exact details of individual prices of the stuff she helped her friend get.
Her friend recently recalled this and commented that the details in that email was clear and very well 'projected'. Mil proudly said that because Mr Liow is an officer, he's very detailed. She forgot who wrote it.
Mr Liow scratched his head, wondering when he wrote that. To clear the air, I said I was the one who did it.
She looked at me blankly and asked: "You know how to write an email like that?"
And why not? Was it because I am not working? Because I stay home and should by right, be stupid?
I am thankful though, that,my husband is trying to be careful with his words in this area. We had struggles over this issue lately and if you remember reading posts I wrote in Tucson when he unintentionally said things he didn't mean and he has, since then, tried very hard not to puncture my already miserably tiny bubble of confidence.
He asks me stuff regarding his work, and shares with me relatively technical details about his job. He's probably just sharing to offload stress but to me, these conversations mean something. I feel good when I understand what he's talking about!
When a conversation makes a person feel good, it either has elements of praise in there, or that person is trying to relate and is happy when 'connected'.
Oh my goodness.
Like what Lishi advised yesterday, many times, it's how I see myself. Struggle with self worth is an ill after-effect of not working for too long. People may not mean I'm worthless but I feel that of myself. And it's so easy for the devil to plant seeds of doubt in me. I doubt how my loved ones value me and I start believing I really am not productive or useful at all, totally dispensable. And there's nothing my kids can be proud of in future when they tell their friends about "mummy".
Imagine:
A: "My mum works at Xxx."
B: "My mum is a manager."
AN/ ER: "My mum stays at home whole day to eye us. She doesn't know anything...." and hangs their head in embarassment...
Sigh....
I hope that never happens. I'm trying to catch up with society in as many ways as I can and I'm thankful technology allows me to catch up. So glad I can find so much info on the internet these days.
I think I understand my mum better now.
posted from Bloggeroid
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