Friday, June 2, 2017

Girls' Brigade Camp

Baby girl has gone for her GB camp.  I got to send her off last year but coz the happy pill is running a fever and the daddy is on a full day shift today (he needed the car coz he will not be back till 4am tomorrow), I couldn't do so.

After packing last night,  baby girl asked if I would miss her.  I thought I wouldn't but I am missing her now. She forsee that I will miss her,  and wrote this note for us.

"Read this whenever you miss me ok?"

She's always been a very sweet girl. She's growing up with a mind of her own, more resistant to instructions now but still sweet as ever. She gets into trouble with me a lot coz to be frank,  my expectation of her is higher.  We, as adults,  are entitled to preferences and we too,  get upset when things do not go our way. Her too. But for some reasons,  when she shows her displeasure,  she gets into trouble for it. Not only with me as her mum,  but with a couple of others who make passing comments that she is difficult.  There was a time these 'feedback' affected me but other than managing my own expectation of her,  I no longer care about comments by people who do not know MY daughter like I do.

My daughter, despite constant arguments with my boy (oversensitive as someone puts it), fusses over him whenever he is sick.  She sets up a rest area for him,  complete with blanket,  pillow and bolster  on the sofa, turns on his favorite cartoon program and waits on him whenever he whines for anything.  She teaches him, everything! She's a totally awesome teacher! I've missed out on updating about the thousands of topics she had taught him since he was really little,  and uninterested (he's still not a keen learner at this age).  For this year,  she took on my responsibility and revised his chinese words with him because she was with me at his meet-the-parents session and knew exactly what help he needed.

Without ever me asking,  she would always whip out the whiteboard to teach him,  anything from Chinese,  to maths,  to even drawing.

This is my girl. Not the uncooperative, sensitive and difficult girl some people whisper about her.

Mums, do not ever let others comments affect our relationship with our kids.  And mums,  cut each other some slack and stop judging. I'm sure none of our kids are perfect, so watch the behavior of our own kids instead of observing others' and criticizing them.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

I Am Back

It's been 3 years since my last post.

I've missed out on a lot of documentations.....of things and people in my life.

In a flash, Ethan is now 7 and Adrielle is 10.

They have said so many darnest things that I would have recorded here, but I didn't  and now I rely on facebook to remind me.

So, why am I back?

Seems like every change in my life makes me miss writing.

Mr Liow went for an interview last week and he passed it. This means that we are very likely going to Tucson again and it's going to happen before Christmas this year.  This,  in my opinion,  is not confirmed till the official order is out.

And yes,  I want to continue documenting my life.  Not for the scrutiny of the unknown public but for family and friends who care. That which happened some years back turned me off sharing my life publicly for long enough.

That move to Tucson,  I'll continue to update as we gather more updates along the way.

And what had changed in these 3 years?

We now have a cat.  That cat is the sweetest thing we found,  so we call him Marshmallow.

In summary of how he came into our home: He was a stray. We started feeding him.  He appeared sick. I took him to vet. I brought him home to administer antibiotics. He went missing after vet visit (disappeared right under my nose). Realised he hid in the storeroom the 30+hours. I showered him,  trimmed his stray-cat-sharp nails and he didn't maul me into pieces.  He pee and poop in the ltter box naturally (I didn't even tell him to....) He gradually stole our hearts except Mr Liow who never liked cats.  He's ok with him and doesn't dislike him now, but no love.

And so he said that IF we ever do go to Tucson again,  cat is not going.

Never expect that we'd be going again after 2015 came and ended.

Am I going to leave cat behind? Nope. Giving up on animals who love me deeply,  once is more than enough.

Next, I still have only 2 human kids. Enough.  Lots of grooming and upbringing and testing of my character.  More about them from now on. 

Me? I'm into fitness these days. Keeping fit,  because skinny is no longer an option.  My body doesn't know skinny anymore,  you see.

I've so much to write but I should not be hogging the toilet for so long.

I'll end with what my maternal instinct inspired me to post:

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Tolerance

This young chap had his arms around his girlfriend the whole time at the crowded showflat and even as we were in deep discussion about the process of home ownership, he instinctively stretched his arm out to shield his girlfriend or pull her close to him whenever a crowd approached.

As we chatted, she asked me when I got married.

"That's my age now! She smiled.

I saw ourselves in the both of them yesterday too.

Once upon a time, his voice was tender. 

He would shield me too. 

As time went by, work affected his mood and he didn't have the capacity to be tender anymore. 

I responded in kind. 

And now he would shout at me right in my face. 

He said: "我忍你很久了"。

Because he has the rights to be affected by requests that he wasn't willing to comply with.

This time he told me. 

Other time he simply kept quiet as we drove home. 

What should I be processing in my head? I wondered if he's upset with my long hours at showflat? Or what? 

He has the rights to feel upset when it is not what he wants. 

I maintain my rights to get upset that he snaps just because there is now a reason to. How am I suppose to know when he's really upset or when he's not even though he looks genuinely upset even when he claims not to be??

Some things kill relationships. 

In quarrels, never call names ("神经病") or use terminating sentences ("我忍你很久了")。

Aren't you challenging me to call it quits because you tell me right in the face that you have been tolerating me long enough? 

That's terminal. Because tolerance has a limit. Forbearance doesn't. 

He tolerated me long enough. For? For screaming at the kids like a crazy woman all the time? For having to juggling between sending out urgent proposals while referee-ing kiddy fights at the same time? For feeling the pressure of watching laundry pile up? For remembering that Adrielle hasn't studied for her 听写 when it's tomorrow? 

My expressions as a result of that. My explosions. My behavior. Unforgivable I admit. 

But I've never shouted at him right in the face, anything that suggested I had enough. 

I bite the bullet and go on treading on landmines daily. 

He had enough of my explosions apparently. 

He didn't mean it. He only said it. To me. 

So we're OK now?

No we are not. 

He's just tolerating me.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Mummy don't cry anymore




My human baby comforts me over the heartless choice I made.

I gave my first babies up.

I miss them. I never want to forget them. And it seems like drawing them helps. It's like staring right at them and observing every bit of them again. What I have to get used to is, I don't get to feel them.

These gaps in my heart will forever be reserved for the deserving.

Miss you both so much.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

2 Missing Pieces

Saw 2 Malteses. A 13 years old and a 7 years old, both boys.

The old boy reminds me of Maen. He's not jumpy or excitable like her but he gazes gently and quietly at me when I spoke to him. Maen calms down when I hold her in my arms and watches me so intently like the world stops when I speak to her.

I miss you Maen. I miss you Baileys.

AN asked which of the 2 liked to bully the other. The younger of the 2 Maltese boys is the bully.

Maen likes to initiate play but she's also the first one to belly up.

AN asked if they loved playing with each other.

They did. They really did.

And the pavement we walk on now, the spaciousness and fact that not a lot of people walk around this part of our estate,  the furkids would have loved to run free without their leashes.

They each have new companions now. It hurts to have to recall that even if they loved each other and couldn't do without each other, they now have a new family each. And new friends.

I miss them so badly. I deserve this pain. I hope they don't feel anything by now.

I'm sorry babies.....

Monday, January 13, 2014

Crying for mummy

I'm shivering now.

Miss Ho called and said AN was crying when she got off her bus and couldn't stop crying through assembly.

What happened to my baby? She was ok when I sent her up the school bus. And she had never complained about school. What happened?

ER had been throwing up since last night. He didn't attend school today. AN had my undivided attention since day 1 of Primary school till today. Did she cry because she felt neglected?

Did someone do or say something nasty to her in the bus?

Did she fall asleep and had a bad dream she woke up crying from?

What happened....? :(

Monday, January 6, 2014

Missing the big baby

This is her 3rd day in school and I'm missing her more each day.

Like the first time she attended preschool, I could feel her absence from home. I missed her more than I missed ER at every of such milestone. I can't explain why.

I cried the first few weeks when she left for school in the morning when she started attending Shekinah. I was on the verge of tears when I brought her home from there for the last time.

I was emotional on her first day at St. Hilda's.

Today is day 3 and I can't wait for her to come home. The past 2 mornings after she left in the school bus, I felt empty. It was the same today.

Not so much for ER. I was actually kinda excited that he's growing up. I was excited when he attended Shekinah in June last year. Maybe I should wait til he goes into Primary School too before I start comparing my emotions.

I would tell them I wish they remain in school when they simply refuse to cooperate at times. I don't mean it. I miss them when they are not around.

This is the agony of motherhood I guess. At least that's for me. I wish for my own freedom when they drive me up the wall and when I do get freedom, I await their return back home.

Quite unfair. Hmm. ....