Saturday, April 30, 2011

Baileys and Maen: Solution

We had a talk. Mr Liow suggested getting help. I can't think properly at this point.

I'll elaborate more when my thoughts are more collected but to sum it up (as clearly as I can now):

- I dropped by Pets Instinct last weekend to get food for BM thought of saying hi to Serene but she wasn't around. Surprisingly when she called me back, she remembered us! We had not been in contact for at least 5 years. It occurred to me to ask if she knew of anyone who are looking at adopting ckcs-es. (She was the 2nd person from whom I learnt about CKCS-es. She has 4 of her own).

- Mr Liow suggested we ask if she can help us foster BM following the episode last night after the accumulated pressure. He doesn't suppose we drag till I need psychiatric help.

- He called her and before he even asked, she seemed to feel our need for help and offered to help us foster them till they get adopted. In fact, she said she already has someone who's interested and he's checking with the rest of the family before she links us up.

- She so kindly offered to receive only token amount each month for taking BM in after Mr Liow asks about the charges, till they get adopted. Other than Mark, she's the only other person we can think of to leave BM with. Mark had offered his place for us to leave BM at no cost when we first asked him to help us look out for adopters but he has his own stuff that he's busy with too and we didn't want to bother him.

- So, we will bring BM there after 5th May. Mr Liow asked that we be involved in the rehoming process to which Serene replied: "of course!"

Will there be a closure? There will never be. And then the thought of letting go was overwhelming I couldn't stop crying again. AN hugged me and assured me that they will be ok while Mr Liow reminded me that we can surely trust Serene with the contacts she has.

I make lousy decisions and had asked for the wrong things at the wrong time. Never will I dare to do that again. Once is enough and others have to suffer along with me. I'll just live my life safely, doing what is expected of me. It's easier this way.

Friday, April 29, 2011

How is it like being depressed?

Mr Liow wonders if I'm slipping into depression. I don't know know.

All I know is, I feel like crying. I can't take it anymore. I just mopped the floor at 6pm while the feverish Mr Liow went to get dinner. We ate, went to fetch AN (was only away for 30mins at most), came back and there was poop right outside the toilet. BM managed to grab ER's new bottle of biscuit off the dining table. Somehow. SOMEHOW! HOW????!!!!!

The WHOLE FLOOR IS STICKY AGAIN BECAUSE OF ER's biscuits. Less than 3 hours.

I know Mr Liow is sick but I can't stop crying. I'm tired. I'm so tired. SO TIRED!

He's outside mopping the floor now. What for??? It's going to be sticky again in an hour.

I'm going crazy......

Why did I ever end up this way?? What's going on?? How I wish this is just a dream....I am wrong. So wrong. I got married and knew we want to have kids. And I got BM. And the got on well with AN. And AN WENT TO school. And everything evolvd ot of m control. I'm sorry. I really am. Wha am I supposed to do now?

What am I to do now? I have enough. Enough. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

"Wear this when I'm pregnant"

Opened up her box of clothes for 4 year old and found a pretty skirt that she insisted on wearing. It was tooooooooo huge for her, so huge I could stuff her bear between the waist band and her belly and there was still some space left.

She was a little disappointed that she couldn't wear it and was about to throw tanthrums when she suddenly realized: "Nevermind... I'll wear this when I'm pregnant."

Optimism, or what?

Exceptionally Good

There are days when I have problems understanding AN and the things she does that none of us agree with.

And then there are good days when she's just sooooooo sweet, cooperative, patient, helpful, obedient, almost perfect.

For this whole week, she had been such a dear. She woke up on her own before the alarm went off, had her milk (she doesn't alway want milk before school), helped out so much with ER (leaves what she's doing to help me watch over him when I had to do somethin else, wipes his saliva without me asking her to, plays with him and even brings him her toys when he cries for attention. When all else fails, she shouts for me to come quick coz in her words, "Ethan wants you!"), does her own stuff quietly when I'm nursing ER, whispers when he's sleeping, and tries to be patient and polite.

Such a dear....

Because Mr Liow is stil groggy from fever, I wondered if I should drive her to school this morning. She was really encouraging and suggested that Mr Liow takes care of ER because "mummy can drive me to school."

I wasn't confident, so we ended up bringing the little boy along and Mr Liow sat beside me while I drove. AN was seated behind, right beside ER and helping to entertain him.

Brought her into the classroom and she trotted happily in for the medical screening (temperature check and checks for signs of HFMD), then put her stuff away before hugging me goodbye.

When I affirmed her good behaviour this morning, she replied that she doesn't want to make me angry and is trying to be a good girl. Her reason for behaving when I asked her yesterday was: "Because I'm 4 and big children has to behave."

Very endearing. And there is just so much that we can learn from little children. To name just one: they never give up trying :)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Mr Liow Down

Our home is virus infested. It has to be, else why is everyone falling sick???

Mr Liow came home early from his ROA course. Because he was having fever. He's almost done with the Conjunctivitis and apparently, these flu-like symptoms are likely to follow with the recovery of his eye. Am hoping this is the aftermath and that it's not contagious. The kids are FINALLY well again!

What else can I say?

Am so thankful for my family at times like these. Bro specially went back to help us send AN home because Mr Liow is too unwell to drive, while mum brought her up to our place with food she cooked and packed. And at times like these, the one person who had been constantly reminding us: "I'd have loved to help you but u guys are always not around during weekends." speaks hypocritically. Even when we were home sick each time (and that is VERY OFTEN as you can see), she was NEVER always around. She stays in only when friends have no time for her, or when she has no other activities. Ya, blame us for your not being as sacrificial as my parents.

How about weekdays? It's too troublesome to come to our place to help out. So, just stop banking on any slightest hope that she will come...unless maybe someone fetches her here, or sponsors her cab fare.

Please, compare less highly of yourself to other parents and I'll stop having any expectations of you, at all.

And I was looking forward to some outdoor air this weekend. Seems like we'll have to stay indoors this long weekend again. But the best part is, the Empress will not he coming because she'll be busy with some activities. It's good. At least I don't have to hide in the study room pretending to be deaf when I hear her egoistic speech about how noble she is, and of how lowly others are.

For now, I just pray the kids will not catch anything frm the daddy. Please please please.... Mr Liow dared not go near them at all and that means I need to do everything on my own. But that's ok because if any if the kids fall sick again, I'll really feel like dying....

In fact, I very likely will die soon without having to jump off the MRT platform...

So, 5U, I sill remember our date but haven't been able to find a good day to meet up wih you and Lynn :(. Hope to catch up wih you soon! Been almost a year since we came back but haven't met up with u at all. Will arrange as soon as my family recovers ok? :)

Banana

So, ER had bananas. Bananas with cereals and BM is formula for sugar rush. It's super sweet!

He didn't really like it. Or rather, he doesn't seem to be eating well. He doesn't bring food in as well as when he started. Is it because he doesn't enjoy food I had been giving him recently, or....? I had been laying him down at an angle of about 45 degree most times lately to feed him before giving him water to help wash the finely pureed but pasty food down his throat. At times, he willingly allows me to feed him this way, sometimes he puts up a struggle. I feel as if I'm force-feeding him when he struggles so I take it as his cue for telling me he has enough. But at times, I continues, wondering if I'm misreading his cue. It's quite obvious that he's not too happy eating from his body language though. I should just continue to feed him sitting him upright. He's 7monhs old now but still not eating very well.

I fear having another fussy eater. The long time struggle with my almost non-eating AN is finally coming to an end after nearly 3 years and the frustration was nightmare. I dread having to repeat it. It was worse than learning to nurse a firstborn, for the first time in my life. The engorgement pain, the cracked nipples that bled, the lack of sleep from having to pump for storage, these are nowhere as frustrating as trying to feed a kid who simply refuses to eat. I never failed to wonder how AN was still alive at every stage of her life.

I'm hanging on to my belief that boys will eat better. I'm looking forward to watching ER enjoy food. This is something I had been deprived of, somethin I see other mums happily doing when we go out and their kids happily feeding themselves without having to be reminded to, and them finishing whatever they are given.

Having watched Isabelle's Isaac and Pam's Elijah and Xavier and all the other boys eat, I feel hopeful mine will too.

Baby boy, food is good and yummy. Love them ok?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

ER is mobile!

He's able to get to where he wants to now, by wriggling and kicking.

I was sitting by him while he tried really hard to reach his sister's bear on the bed. He kicked my knee and got a little further. Then he did a leopard crawl with his arms. Kicked a few more time and ta-da!

He seemed excited at having acquired this new ability. Soon, he's going to be all over. He's so much more active, loud and expressive than mild and cool AN used to be.

He's going to help me lose weight in no time.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Phone in hospital

My phone is finally sent in for a full body checkup. There had been various problems with it: rainbow lines on the screen, terribly slow reponse, auto shutdown, and now the camera is nt working. Before my warranty expires, I suppose I should send it in for a checkup, get some treatment if necessary, before I have to start spending on 'medical services' for it.

Am now using my SE W800 again. This has been my most faithful phone by far. Everytime a new phone falls sick, this one is always operationally ready.

Have to wait for 5 days at least, before I get to meet my Beam again.

I'm having diarrhea now :( And I don't know why. Had been taking Lactoforte today, my second packet just 15 mins ago. M&m Ma, can I just empty the whole packet into my mouth? I just did coz I like its taste. hehe. Also, can I take it even when I'm not having diarrhea?

Mr Liow is recovering from his conjunctivitis. Left eye is still red but less swollen and doesn't hurt that much anymore. As of now, none of us caught it from him. That should mean it's non infectious right?

It's Wednesday tomorrow. Time flies. AN is recovering too. She specifically wanted to tell me after school today, that she did not have sweets or chocolates but I didn't go fetch her because I was at Samsung service centre.

By the time I got to my parents' place, she was napping. Still, the moment she opened her eyes and saw me, she smiled and excitedly told me she did not have those stuff in school before falling asleep again. My dear dear dear girl. I MUST MUST make it a point to keep my anger under control. She deserves none of my outbursts :(

ER is fully recovered, finally! Again I have to marvel at the wonders of BM. He's very young but each time both fall into the hands of the Flu or Cold virus, ER ends up recovering sooner.

Am keeping my fingers crossed that both will be completely well for at least 2 weeks. That's all I ask. Please?

I miss AN

I missed AN being an only child. I missed doing things with her without having to excuse myself to attend to ER. I missed sleeping with her without having to hush her when she gets excited about a certain topic, just so we don't wake the sleeping baby. I missed shopping with her when Mr Liow is at work. I missed having her help me in the kitchen, even if it gets messy because she helps me clean up and we can do it together, without again, having to attend to the baby.

I love both my kids. At this point, ER is just CUTE. I mean, really cute. I've not gone through a lot with him to have lots of memories yet.

Which is why, I can't help feeling terrible that AN has been shortchanged since he was born. I used to have time for her. But not that much anymore. It's easier with her in school now. She gets proper mental and emotional stimulation that I hv little time to give her.

Do any of you, parents of two children, feel this way? Or am I just to melancholic and emotional?
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"Mummy, I'll throw my sweets away"

AN's cough was improving, till yesterday. There was Easter celebrations in school and when my mum complained that AN had been coughing whole day, I half expected that she had been having sweets in school.

I asked her and she admitted to having sweets. I was upset because she used to be able to say 'no' to sweets when she was sick. Just last Thursday, she was caught hiding behind the fridge door 'stealing' chocolates she was given in school.

Why are they given so much sweets and chocolates in school??

Anyway, I told her off for not obeying when I said no chocolates till she recovers last Thursday and now this time she had sweets.

She appeared shocked when I asked if she had sweets in school and seemed to suddenly remembered she was supposed to recover first. And then she apologised for having them.

The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. We were on the way to recovery....and then this cough came back again....! I ignored her and she panicked.

Out of desperation, she asked: "Mummy, can I their my sweets away?"

My heart softened when she asked that. Mr Liow had been prompting me to forgive her when she kept apologising for having sweets before recovering but I couldn't help ignoring her. I realise I'm having problems controlling my emotions more and more these days.

Something tells me that how I ignore AN so much will actually affect her confidence as she grows up. But I just keep doing it :(

I gave her a hug and went with her to dump those sweets but allowed her to keep 2 chocolates in the shape of an egg. She can have them after she gets well.

I do have a girl who tries. She is sensible but she's only 4 year old. I keep forgetting and I place too much expectation on her :(

For fear of spilling milk on our big bed, or dropping bread crumbs, she will, by default, sit on the floor in our room to eat/drink without being asked to. We no longer have supper in the living room. The floor is COVERED in pee stains and fur after we get home from my parents' place. Everyday. Everytime we step out of the house, even if only for an hour of lunch or dinner. It's taxing to hv to clean up so many times a day. So, we retreat into the room upon reaching home. That's the only place where we have a clean floor to sit on :(

If it makes some more comfortable to hear, BM gets more of the house than we do now. We are confined only to the rooms while they get the rest of the house.

I feel bad for AN. She should have the freedom to sit in the main hall of our home. She should have the freedom to roll on the floor, and leave toys all over the house like children do. She shouldn't need to shed tears over a precious origami that BM tore up, even after she tried to push it as far onto the dining table as she could before we left the house. She should be able to drop a gummy bear vitamin on the foot of our home, pick it up and then eat it without picking up fur with it.

What am I doing? She's growing up and soon, she'll not be a little girl anymore. But I'd only kept reminding her not to sit on the floor coz there's fur, not to touch the floor coz there are pee stains, not to snack at coffeetable coz BM will come. There are more things AN can't or isn't allowed to do because of BM than the other way around.

What do I expect of my baby? What more can I expect from my 4 year old? She's already giving in so much and she's only 4.
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Monday, April 25, 2011

Princesses and their gowns

AN got this as a gift and finally we had time to do something construction after a long time!

I enjoy doing this with her (but grumpy mummy feared mess and got upset when AN, the curious 4 year old started digging into the tubs of beads, causing them to spill out and all over)

Took a while for me to close one eye..and AN was a happy girl. It's easy to make her happy. Bad mummy needs to be more patient!



We did the princess with a crown this afternoon. It was a joint effort. The red trench coat was a joint effort project too :) The rest were either done while she was napping, or busy digging into the tubs of beads again, this time happily because I stopped getting upset with her for doing so.

I designed the blue and white dresses. hehe. The red trench coat were 'copied' from the pictures that came with the design kit (I changed the colours a little though)

These princesses can exchange their gowns!

Exchange, again!

Conjunctivitis, Illness updates

Mr Liow has conjunctivitis. It started on Sat morning and it has gotten worse since then. Poor thing. He woke up with that left eye stuck shut this morning (Sunday).

I don't think his condition is contagious. He hadn't been in contact with anyone who's having it and just two nights before, on Thurs, he slept right next to the area of the kids' mattress where he sprayed Febreeze before he slept. I highly suspect it's chemical irritation.

Update on the kiddos:
AN kept feeling nauseous while on Klacid this time and had actually thrown up for the 2 days that she was on it.

We decided to stop giving it to her, more so because she also said her ears do not hurt anymore. I know we have to finish antibiotics but we can't just allow her to throw up everyday, right? She felt nauseous and did throw up even when she had it right after a meal.

Both kiddos are better now, still coughing but very slightly with a bit of mucus in their noses.

It's Monday again. Weekends pass by too fast.
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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Expecting too Much (Warning: Negative thoughts)

Reality is, because no one is perfect, it's no crime to not even attempt to be kind in the first place.

Since I left the bed at 10am, I didn't stop working. I mopped the sticky floor (again, again and again), hung clothes that had been washed in the machine overnight up to dry, did some laundry by hand, brushed AN's teeth, made milk for her, cleared BM's output in the toilet, had breakfast (I shouldn't have because I wasn't hungry anyway), prepared and fed ER his breakfast and then bathed both human kiddos.

That was after 10am.

Before that, AN threw up 3 times last night. The first time she did, it was coz she coughed too violently and she regurgitated. That was about 2 am. At 4plus and then 6 plus am, she woke up complaining of nausea, and then threw up both times.

Because we didn't get to the toilet in time, all 3 times she threw up on something. I had to wash her pillow and cover after the first puking incident, then clean up the mattress after the 4am episode. Lastly, she tried to keep it in but her vomit erupted before we reached the toilet, so part of the bed got it again, and some of the yucky stuff dripped on the floor as I rushed her to the toilet. So it was more cleaning up after I tucked her back in. She had no diarrhoea though, so we're suspecting it could be due to the Klacid. Something tells me the dosage is not very correct because it is so much thicker this time. According to the official website, AN is supposed to take 90mg/5ml (according to her weight) but the prescribed dosage is 125mg/5ml. Does anyone know if the throwing up could be due to the excess amount that she had gotten? Also it could be that she had nothing before we fed her the medicine, thus the nausea. Which of these suspicions make more sense??

Anyway, because we were supposed to meet Shiyun and family this afternoon, Mr Liow patiently waited while I did all these stuff. I tried to make it fast but time just slipped away, not just today, but every other day! Before I know it, it was past lunch at almost 1pm.

I changed, changed the kids, and then we left the house. By the time we got to their place, it was almost 2 pm. Shiyun wondered why we haven't had lunch. My husband told her: "because she (pointing to me) kept dilly-dallying."

Me? Dilly dally? I had not had time to even sleep at night, got up and worked non stop. To him, I was dilly dallying. The last time he complained I took too long to put on makeup, I told him I will never doll myself up again, when I go out with him. I'm sick of fighting, seriously. Since I was a bother, I shall stop being one.

But this whole morning's duties seem to mean rubbish to him as well eh?

When we got back home, the fan was on. I am very very sure I did switch it off before I left home. I used my toe to press the off button because I was carrying ER and wasn't able to bend low enough. He asked: "You didn't switch the fan off?" I was agitated by then because I was expecting him to point finger at me for the fan that wasn't switched off as it was supposed to be.

"I DID! I REMEMBER VERY CLEARLY I USED MY TOE TO TURN IT OFF."

He then sarcastically commented: "Then the fan must have turned itself on again." He could be joking but really, it's not funny at all to be described as dilly dallying first, and now accused of not turning the fan off WHEN I DID!

Am so pissed off. Ignored him while I mopped the floor again (yes, once before we left home, and once after we return...I'm getting sick of all these work...really sick...and not just of all these work. I'm sick of being MAID, unappreciated MAID!!!) and I couldn't help wanting to pick a quarrel. I told him I was offended by his sarcasm. Does he need to resort to this? He insisted he didn't say anything wrong, that the fan was really not turned off.

"So I must be stupid then." I replied. Because I did try to turn it off but failed to. I'm so stupid I can't even turn the fan off.

He said he didnt' mean it. Then how am I supposed to interpret those words: "The fan must have turned itself on." He said it could be that I forgot. Then why couldn't he just suggested that I forgot. Was it more clear to say: "It's ok, maybe it slipped your mind." to clearly tell me that he thinks I probably forgot. Or were those words about the fan turning itself on more clear and appropriate? Really? Then I must be even more stupid to not get the drift..or rather, get it wrong.

Here we are, teaching AN gracious speech, getting upset that she's starting to point fingers too more and more these day ("why is my shoe not in the right place???", "I said this is supposed to be here. You don't know huh??") and there us adults don't even know how to speak to each other kindly.

The grandma blames us for being late, for not picking up calls, not a word of thanks for picking her up from the airport, not a word of kindness. The father sees what I had been doing the whole morning as something he probably could have done in 15minutes. Really? 15 mins to do all these?

So, the mother learns, that since it's so hard for that little seedling of kindness to grow in this family, she should consider pulling it out. Let it die. Why be kind? No one will be kind to you. In the grandma's words: "the world is this cruel. you don't like me to call you stupid, but others out there will. then how will you react? will you be able to take it if someone else calls u stupid then?"

Isn't it clear? We do not need to be kind to each other because we need to train AN to handle monsters out there when she grows up. Maybe it's not such a bad idea too, to train her to be a monster herself.

I'm not going to try be nice anymore. For what? If family can't even show kindness to each other, how much more the world out there?

What's all these values that I'm trying to teach AN? They aren't worth a cent. Maybe I should just shut up and only retaliate in defiance when I feel my toes being stepped on. No point being kind, not even to people you used to think of as family.

I used to see my family as loving. I must be blind for a long time, or is something affecting me? What can that be?

footnote: sigh....after thinking it through, I shall not stoop to that level and become a joke like that tyrannical grandma of AN. Every time I remember her unreasonable behaviors, I can't help but want to behave like that to show her how ugly she is (also to remind my hubby how unbearable his mum is becoming). One hater on my previous blog said I brought out the worst in her. Seriously, I too have someone who brings out the worst in me...and she happens to be relate to me. How lucky can I be?

Friday, April 22, 2011

And Then She Threw Up

AN coughed so hard she threw up once on her pillow. And subsequently twice more. She woke me up both times, saying she felt like puking. So she did.

It was bile.

Did an online check and realised it could be that we gave her medicine on an empty stomach.

*phew*

I was worried it was stomach flu again but she wasn't having fever. No diarrhoea either. She did complain of tummyache last night but was back to normal after I applied Ru Yi Oil on her.

At least we now know she's throwing up coz she had nothing in her stomach for the anti-inflammatory medicine to attack.

Will feed her something before each dose later.

And the little brother actually slept through all 3 episodes of rushing to toilet, cleaning up, bright lights and his sister's cries from her discomfort. And that was....GOOD!
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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ear Infection

So, when is all these infections, fever, cough, runny nose, tummyache, diarrhoea, here-pain-there-pain going to stop?

Now AN has ear infection. 2 days ago, she mentioned she hears her own voice and it was very loud. I was already fearing ear infection but assured her it was just blocked ears.

And today, she started complaining of earache.

Like the previous time in Tucson, this doctor too, explained that it could be due to her cough and stuffy nose and liquid builds up in her ear without proper 'drainage'. Therefore, inflammation sets in.

It's middle ear infection (Ostitis Media).

hmm....

And she has to take Klacid (AGAIN!) for the infection.

She has no fever, yet. But her ears seem to hurt real bad. She keeps whining as she sleeps now. Will she have a fever again tomorrow...?

What should we be expecting next? Bring it on.....

That's my Big Sister!

Was nursing ER this afternoon and hoping he would sleep. The jie jie fell asleep soon after hitting her pillow but ER kept whining.

He didn't want to nurse, so I got up to play with him. He noticed his sister sleeping beside me after I got up and became really excited.

He started reaching out for her hand and held it for a while. Not too long later, he was asleep as well.
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Pumpkin

Sorry baby boy. For the whole months since your first encounter with food, all that you got to taste were single grain cereal (rice) and carrot, and only now, pumpkin.

I remembered faithfully changing AN's menu every 3 days. By AN's first month, she probably had bananas, avocados, apples, broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potatoes and other cereals.

Mummy will continue to work on your first foods. It's going to be weekend again. This time, I'll make you something green. It had been a week of orange :)

Let's try broccoli and banana for the next week ok?
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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Recovery Update

Fever left AN and she was well throughout her birthday celebration on Sunday. She had a very persistent cough though.

Both are only left with cough and runny/ stuffy nose by now. In fact, both are coughing lesser already.

ER's coughing makes me laugh. He sounds like a squeaky toy when he coughs. Hahaha! He sounds really cute. And because I laugh when he coughs, he smiles back at me.

It's about time they recover. Both lost weight because of the dip in their appetites. AN's starting to eat again. Hope ER will start eating and drinking better by tomorrow too.
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AN's Birthday at Home

15th April (Friday)


AN's Birthday at NSRCC

17th April (Sunday)
NSRCC: National Service Resort and Country Club

It's a very nice place! Very clean, 2 rooms with 2 single beds in each, open concept kitchen with everything you need, from cutlery to microwave. It's a pity we couldn't stay for the night because the kids weren't totally well yet and we had to check out by 9am. That would mean sacrificing their sleep. And it's also a pity because this is the first time my parents agreed to stay over with us at a chalet :(

Nevermind. We will arrange another one in time to come so the family can stay together and relax without much care!

Many many thanks to those who had helped us one way or another: Andy for helping us get all the drinks, Fiona for helping me cut the cake and distributing them, Shirley for taking pictures for us, Clinton too for helping with pictures. Hope I didn't miss anyone.

And to those who came to join us, your presence have made our little princess a very very happy little girl on that day!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Party at NSRCC (National Service Resort and Country Club)

Very few pictures taken on my phone. These are of balloons: from me posing with them (hers is the Rapunzel one), to stuffing them into the car, to Mr Liow driving in a car filled with balloons, to ER laughing so happily while playing with all these balloons.


More pictures to come later.
Cropped away what is not important to show only what I want to remember: ER very tickled by the balloons!
Mr Liow driving in a car FULL of ballons (like once upon a time when we also drove in a car FULL of shopping bags. You can see better how it was like the previous shopping-bag time.) Imagine 6 hours on the road in this condition. Anyway...
Party Car
Balloons for the kids and birthday girl!
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Clueless Who-does-she-think-she-is

Sunday (17 April)
The empress dowager came at 11+ am after church. Mr Liow was out loading stuff onto the car already, while awaiting her highness to arrive.

I was about to change out of my home clothes when she came and she offered to carry ER. Go ahead.

When I got out of the room looking for them, I saw her trying to feed ER water with AN's milk cup.

For goodness' sake...this grandma who claimed to have taken care of her 2 children (Mr Liow and sis) and had 'experience' taking care of the nieces, seemed to not realise the reason why she had been sterilising milk bottles all of her baby-care career. She's using AN's milk cup, off the rack (non sterilised obviously because AN is already 4 years old), to feed him water. She knows that is the cup we use for AN's milk, and only milk. WHY OF ALL CUPS (there was even ER's bottle, washed, dried and set aside), CHOOSE THAT ONE TO USE?????????If you do not know, ASK!!!!! DUN ALWAYS ASSUME YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!

She even tried to make milk for AN with water from porridge. Like there's no water from the flask??????? I'm never ever going to allow her to put anything that resembles food into the stomach of my kids because SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING, AND IS TOO EGOISTIC TO ASK!

And then, when she saw me, she grouchily asked me: "he's almost 7 months old and he still can't drink from a cup?"

I'm sorry my boy doesn't know how to drink from a cup at 7 months. I'm sorry my daughter only drank from a cup at 1 year old. I'm sorry I never saw anywhere, not in States, not in Singapore, CUPS being sold that are labelled "6 months and above". Even sippy cups are labelled "8 months and above". I'm very sorry both my kids are not gifted. And they move along the milestones most babies of the same age follow. I will be exposing him to cup drinking soon but I'm sorry if she think he's 'stupid' because he still hasn't mastered it yet.

Who is she to question me anyway. The 2 girls she brought up weren't gifted too. And she blatantly attempted to lie that the nieces could use chopsticks very well by 2nd year of age.

I've NEVER seen them eat with chopsticks till recent years when they are now much older. Neither had Mr Liow who stayed with them before we got married. And she so kindly told AN: "You are so lousy. 4 years old already and you still can't use chopsticks.", making her hold a pair when there is a fork AN can use for noodles.

AN doesn't resist learning to eat with chopsticks. I'm not against her using them either. But i won't tell her she's lousy at it under any circumstance. Again, who is she to tell AN she's lousy when she's NEVER tried TEACHING AN to hold a pair?? And not being able to eat with chopsticks do not make a person lousy.

I wish her out of my life. I'm only tolerating with her because she's Mr Liow's mum.

I must have met too few people in my life because there has never been a human, dead or alive, that I loath so much...
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Part 2: Bad Behaviour of an Adult *Warning: Long & Upsetting Post*

Sunday (17 April)

Mr Liow asked my mum to come help with our sick kids in the morning so that we could pack for the chalet.

Mum arranged to come with dad.

Then the Empress smsed to ask what time we would leave for the chalet.

Because Empress is coming, all of us had to replan EVERYTHING. I had to ask dad to not come, so we will have room to ferry her to the chalet.

My parents are SO DISPENSABLE! SO USEFUL AND ... JUST SO MANIPULATE-ABLE!

My mum was still extraordinarily accommodating, suggesting we leave AN with her so (I) we have space for the empress, (II) AN gets proper lunch before going, (III) We get to pack.

And what time would the EMPRESS come? 11am. She had no intention to come and help! Why did she want to come to our place then?? COZ SHE WAS AT CHURCH AND HER CHURCH IS NEAR OUR HOME! SO CONVENIENT FOR HER, whether or not it's to our convenience.

No wonder. Else she wouldn't even have turned up at 11am. She needed a ride!

WE ARE AT HER MERCY! WE ARE TO BE AT HER BECK AND CALL!

At the chalet, she was a guest, only speaking up when Shirley wanted to help us take a 'family' photo. OUR little family photo! She shouted that 'family' includes herself and my parents.

I can't even bring myself to look at her without rolling my eyes. You are family? Us, lowly commoners do not deserve that royal title.

We went ahead with our OWN family photos before allowing her to intrude.

She has to be before my parents. Of course. My parents are just lowly peasants.

Soon after, because brother in law needs to go off, she hurriedly gathered the nieces and conveniently left. She didn't even ask if we needed help. Oh but of course she wouldn't ask because she's too classy to serve guests or do anything that will bring down her status.

I dislike her. I know I am supposed to love her. How do I love an unreasonable and domineering hypocrite who thinks the world of herself? Just how???

I think I more than dislike her.
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Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bad Behaviour of an Adult *Warning: Long & Upsetting Post*

Saturday (16 April)

The dowager is at it again.

Mr Liow and I had been busy since morning. I cleared the toilet of BM's mess and mopped the floor while he watched over the kids, getting AN water, changing ER's diapers, then I bathed one kid while he kept busy with the other. We had no time to meddle with our mobile phones.

Apparently, she had to call Mr Liow for everything that happens. The toilet broke down at his sister's home and the adults were not around. When mr Liow called back after realising he missed her call, she scolded him before slamming the phone down on him.

She always expects us to standby our phones. Their toilet broke and she expects immediate response from Mr Liow? And scolds him for not taking her call, yet again.

Mr Liow was upset of course. She's ridiculous. She got the niece to talk to Mr Liow when he called her again, not knowing what she was so upset about initially. She was so angry she didn't want to speak with him.

Unreasonable. So this is what she calls proper upbringing, by speaking angry words through the mouth of a child. Training in progress.

One day at the uncle's funeral 2 weeks ago, she got so agitated because no one bought coffee. She kicked up a fuss before stomping off to get her coffee, missing the funeral procession before his body left for cremation. Coffee is more important than a loved one. Maybe not. SHE is more important than anything else!

And she went around telling her friends how close she is to her sister's family, this uncle (her sis' husband) included, wailing so loudly as if she was really heartbrokened.

I wouldn't have doubted coz ever since I married Mr Liow, I could tell the 2 families got on really well. But that day at the funeral, she was ok, smiling and behaving like a non-grieving person. Sad, yes. Grieving, no.

But when her own friends came to pay respect, she wailed like she did at my FIL's wake.

Why is it that she only finds tears at the presence of her friends? Ok, maybe those were close friends. But she didn't wail like that to her 'closest friend', one she had since she got married.

That friend is not wealthy, neither is she a believer. I don't know, maybe a new criteria to qualify as part of the dowager's most trusted convoy?

So hypocritical.

Really, if she has no respect for others, why on earth does she expect people to respect her? Why else if she doesn't think she's superior and everyone else has to bow to her?

The uncle's son-in-law thanked her for something by holding his palms together. She was offended. She said she's a 'christian' and wouldn't mind but others who are superstitious will, because he looked as if he was paying respect to the dead. She's the first I've ever heard from, to complain that the gesture was offending, and conveniently pushed it to 'others who are superstitious'. My mum honestly admits she's pantang but appreciates a word of thanks, followed by a palms-together handsign or not.

So, Mr Liow wrote to tell her it was rude to shout at anyone whenever she likes without reason. She replies that she is not a mum who will be corrected by her children. (Read: Domineering, Tyrannical).

After the sms-argument, Mr Liow was almost sure she won't turn up for AN's birthday party.

To be continued.....
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Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Pair of Feverish Siblings

Taken on Thursday, AN looked better than her brother.

ER's fever has gone away and it's day 3 of his symptoms. Looking forward to the end of the peak.

AN's symptoms came 1 day later. Am hoping that it won't be long before she recovers.

She must be in a state of confusion from the high fever. From the start of the day, she had been doing weird stuff (putting her fingers in her ears when I talked to her, squeezing bread on the dining table before wetting them with her water, making a mess!

Those are new behaviours. I hope it's because of her fever she did those things, not something she has mastered. She knew better than to play with food..has she gone bonkers?
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Day 2 of Fever

Sleeping away from the sister so that they will not pass more viruses to each other.

Mission failed. Both are exhibiting identical symptoms.
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ER the Merlion & the Sick Birthday Girl

Both kids are having flu. ER has recovered from his fever but AN's fever is still over 39°c when the effects of her fever medication wears off. Ironically, it was her birthday yesterday. What an eventful day!

Was nursing ER to sleep last night and he coughed. The cough was bad enough it forced whatever he had drank for the past few hours to come back up. That was so much puke!

Their poor bed. First was AN's whole bladderful of pee last week and now ER's whole stomachful of milk + cereals. I REALLY need to steam the bed soon.

This time, the virus seems stronger. It gave both of them high fever and the flu-like symptoms hit them both at the same time instead of one before the other.

And this time, I am also infected. My nose is blocked and throat feels itchy. Hope the fever spares me.

Each time ER has cough or stuffy/runny nose, I can't help but worry about it developing into bronchitis.

Sigh..

It was really much easier with just one child. Less exposure to viruses (AN did not fall ill as much in her 1st 3 years of life till lately. ) And because she's sick, the viruses conveniently decides on strengthening ER's immunity as well.

It's AN's chalet on tomorrow. I'm sure she will enjoy herself. We had wanted to celebrate her birthday in school but couldn't. This poor girl was still asking when we'll have the party with her friends.

Sigh..
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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Now Adrielle having fever

38.6°c on my left, 38.4°c in my right who keeps waking up screaming in discomfort every 15mins.

I'm going crazy.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Fever Still High

Brought ER to The Kids Clinic at Rivervale Mall this evening. His fever has remained high the whole day, suppressed only by the infant drops (paracetamol) down to mid 37°c and returning back to mid-high 38°c after the medication wears off.

He's having runny nose and slight cough. This is day 1, if it's flu/ cold. As we know by now, these symptoms should peak between 3-5 days. Dr Allyson is unable to tell if the fever is from the cold/flu yet, except that these symptoms do not usually bring about such a high temperature. She suspected an infection and checked ER in details.

Nothing visible noted (ears clear, lungs clear, throat a little sore but not too bad), so she asked if we wanted to do a urine test to make sure his urine tract is not infected. We took her suggestion, had a urine collection bag fixed to his little 'pipe' and waited. And waited. And waited. He took about 1 hour to pee that tiny bit and I almost spilled it! Went back to my parents' place for dinner while waiting.

We brought the urine sample back to the clinic for the test and result came back negative: no UTI.

We still have no idea what's causing his fever. What we were advised to do, is to monitor him for the next few days.

Poor poor ER. Less than 7 months old and he has already sampled so many viruses. That's for being a little sibling to his new school-going elder sister.

And poor poor me who has to serve the constantly uncomfortable little prince who could neither sleep well by night nor nap well by day and who wakes up crying every 20 mins into his sleep.

Also, poor poor Mr Liow who had been unusually stress-maxed at work for the past month, to have to come home to a cranky, crying fever baby.

I'm praying for this to pass soon so the poor baby doesn't need to suffer for so long. Also for Mr Liow's work to start cooling off. He usually has no problems coping with high volume of work despite some nagging but this time, the amount and nature of work is affecting him, even emotionally. He's aware if this goes on, he may gradually fall into depression but there doesn't seem to be anything he can do to stop it from happening.

Told him that if he has enough of it, he can decide to leave. I know he's no quitter but I'm not ready to sacrifice him, just to have more.

More reasons I should establish my own work so he'll be stressed less.

Speaking of which, the bridal makeover has been called off. The couple couldn't find an agreement with the price quoted even though it had been trimmed down to 1/4 of the original package price and 1/3 of their own planned budget.

I'm jobless again. But it won't be for long I hope.
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Sleeping Angels

I sleep in place of that yellow pillow separating them.
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Dominos

AN's latest craze and tool of torture used on my mum who spends time setting up such formations, willingly. I prefer to watch them fall, AN prefers to pretend that area is her room.
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Racial Harmony Day: 8th April

Here is my little girl in cheongsam. Forgot to take pictures of her during CNY. Am glad she gets to wear this again.
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Please Hold On To The Hand Rail

Announcement was made to remind commuters to hold on when the LRT is moving. ER did as reminded.
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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

AN's good friends

Went to fetch AN today and she introduced to me, another friend whom she likes to play with.

I hear names of friends, and 'naughty children' (those who snatch things from others or are very rough according to my girl) and am slowly getting to know who's who.

It was Adrielle Wong (AN refers to her as Adrielle Tan for some strange reasons) whom AN cliqued with soon after she started school. That Adrielle seems to no longer attend Shekinah and my AN said she misses her.....She was one of the early zombies that used to 'float' around and towards AN when she stepped in class.

Now she has other good friends: Caynes whom AN will remember when she has things she wants to bring to school to share with her classmates, and Clara.

AN walked over to her while waiting for me to sign the attendance book, held her hand and both of them swung each others' hands while AN introduced her: "This is Clara. She's my friend." And Clara gave me a shy smile.

This is too sweet... Awwwww....

Once upon a time, AN wouldn't hold anyone's hands except selective girls'. She used to prefer girls, especially those older than her. Kimberly was one of her favourite. Danielle and Caitlyn too, and Jia En and Jia Hui.

Now she has friends of her own, not through us.

P.s. : something unrelated to topic but super cute happened: ER didn't want to nurse but wasn't ready to sleep. Since he wasn't noisy, I continued with this post. He stopped moving after a while and I thought he fell asleep.Shone a little light from my phone on him and saw his eyes were wide open! I smiled coz he looked so cute, and he smiled back, excitedly waving his limbs around. But right after his smile faded, he became still again, shut his eyes and dropped into a sudden deep sleep.

ER is really a funny boy. He keeps doing things that make me laugh although unintentional. He got that from Mr Liow for sure, that funny genes.
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38.3°c

I lost count of how many times they fell sick, one after another.

And while this little one is having fever, the jie jie is coughing again.

Thank God ER doesn't hate medicine as much as AN used to. And I have realised that I can't do without our thermometer these days. It's almost as important as my mobile phone now. Updated @ 4:20am His fever went up to 38.9°c and he could not nurse well. Maybe he just had no appetite. Pray that the fever will leave on its own after the battle.
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Monday, April 11, 2011

Constantly Hungry

AN had been asking for food very often these days. In fact, on some days during the wkends, she eats non-stop.

Yesterday was one of those days. She had 2 small bowls of porridge for breakfast at Yum Cha (tim sum with my family), snacked on peanut butter biscuits throughout the journey back, had milk before her nap, milo after she woke up, bread with butter before dinner, 1 slice of Hawaiian pizza for dinner and 250mls of milk before she finally end her day. That is so cool.

And for today, she had lunch in school (she has no appetite for breakfast on school days), porridge when she got to my parents place, milo before nap, coco krunch before dinner, rice with vege and egg for dinner (she didn't have much though), more coco krunch soon after, chocolate milk & buttered bread for supper, and because she was still hungry, she couldn't fall asleep.

She's outside now having another round of supper (she's back! She had a slice of cheese).

To desperate mummies of little children who seem to hate food, you are not alone. My chapter on "AN Who Hates Food" is coming to an end after almost 3 years. It's got a happy ending. I'm very sure yours will too.

Take heart!
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A Funny Sneeze

Baileys sneezed last evening and ER started laughing. He laughed so hard AN laughed together with him. I was in the study room sorting out some stuff and couldn't see them but I could hear them.

That was music to my ears. Hehe. How nice if everyday is Sunday!
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The Very Busy Spider

This is another of her favourite: The Very Busy Spider, also by Eric Carle.

We didn't mange to get to letter "S" of our lapbook and it's a pity. But she learns that patience pays off, and hopefully she'll put that into practice.
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AN paints "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"

It's one of AN favourite story by Eric Carle. She first heard the story narrated by someone on youtube when she was about 2 years old. Since then, she had been asking for this, "Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See?", and a few others.

Youtube is not a permanent solution to story telling (only when I was busy cooking back in Tucson and she was seriously bored), so we got those few books that she liked and got down to reading them together.

We read this book early 2010 as we spent a week on her lapbook: "B for Butterflies". It helped her know butterflies a little better: diet, life cycle etc.

Now at 4 years old, she attempts something different with one of her favourite story. This time, she wants to paint her stories :)
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Sunday, April 10, 2011

AN and ER

By now, some of you may have realised that ER and AN has each other in their names: AN's chinese name is Zu Er (God's child) and ER's chinese name is Zu An (God's peace).

At this point in time, they appear loving: ER brightens up when he hears AN's voice and AN enjoys giving her little brother hugs and kisses and gentle discipline when she sees him 'misbehaving' (when he pulls anyone's hair, when he throws toys etc).

Whenever we wonder why he's more irritable than usual, this big sister will jump to his defence in reminding us that: " he's crying because he's still a baby!"

Being 4 years old, there are times she goes into her "this is mine, not his" mode. Somehow, she snaps out of it whenever I threaten to give ER away because "jie jie doesn't like to share". She'll either offer him something else or happily return what she initially fought for.

She's learning to rely on feedback and is improving on her ability to make sense of situations.

There are times she just goes on doing one wrong thing after another. Out of frustration on these bad days, I conclude that she just cannot behave. It saddens her obviously. After everyone is asleep that night, my conscience will tell me that it's cruel to make that conclusion because she is young and when one thing goes wrong and the second still doesn't go right, she won't know what to do next.

I'm taking Mr Liow's advise to cool off and accept her apologies, even if I'm tired of hearing her telling me she is sorry for the 50th time in a day.

So, now when she notices that I do not remain angry for that long anymore, she'll ask: "Mummy, I'm a good girl today right? I didn't make you angry right?" This assures me that she is aware and trying to not let bad things happen but isn't sure if she's doing right.

I can see her trying. We struggle and there will always be bad days but it's seeing her efforts that give me motivation to carry on.

I'm a bad mummy :( Shouldn't my love for her and all good things that come with love, be unconditional?

We had a nice chat before she just fell asleep but I forgot what she said that made me smile so many times.

I'm thankful for AN's maturity at this age, her sensitivity and perseverance in obedience. I need to constantly remind myself to behave too.

My darling has so grown...
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Business Talk

Termed as such by Mr Liow, I went to meet my friend in the wedding planning business yesterday. AN wanted to follow me, so I brought her, along with pen and paper in my bag for her to doodle her time away as we held our discussion.

The event has evolved from a wedding lunch, to a whole day affair (the usual groom-gets-grilled-before-he-gets-his-bride routine and then tea in the morning, and then wedding dinner). It's going to be a busy day and the more my friend went on with the details, I felt an increasing uneasiness: What is going to happen to my koala bear then? It's not just 3 hours. It's at least 4 hrs in the morning (I need to do the mum as well) and then another 4-5hrs in the evening (bride + 2 mums).

My dear friend suggested that I do my best to make my way from Regent Hotel to Serangoon after finishing with the bride's mum, to do the groom's mum. I was given one hour to travel and complete the makeup.

That is mission IMPOSSIBLE, because Regent Hotel and Serangoon is separated by the CTE. Yes, there may not be slow traffic that early but what if something happens? Like an major accident that requires a shutdown at a few exits, especially the crucial ones? Anything can happen on CTE and if anyone remembers, I think I mentioned that CTE was indeed empty on a busy Saturday evening some time in August last year if I didn't remember wrongly, coz of an accident that had a big truck run over a biker whose body parts were all over the road as a result. Not that gross but the biker did get mutilated to a certain extent.

It is nothing an apology can make up for if I am unable to make it there in time (makeup and hairdo already can take up an hour or even more depending on the person an MUA is working on). hmm...too risky.

I'm going to get help for that, if she's not able to get help on her side. She's my 'boss' so I'll see what she has in mind.

Mr Liow encouraged me to do EVERYTHING on my own and take the whole paycheck. I wish I could too. hehe. That will be a month's worth of my pay when I worked at Suntec after CPF contribution.

But the mummy-ness in me is unsure. And unwilling.

What about my koala bear and the little princess? My little princess can survive without me now. She will miss me, but will not cry for me. But the little boy....he's not bottle trained, and not eating perfectly to stay full. In fact, he has been inching towards me these past few nights and sleeps so close to me we spend the whole night, elbow to shoulder (mine to his). And he starts whining when I go pee at night -_____-"

I think he wasn't that happy with me leaving him on Saturday to discuss the wedding plan and gave Mr Liow a hard time. Mr Liow managed well (he didn't call me to hurry me and left me to do what I had to do) but each time I called him, I could hear the pitiful cries from our boy.

And I couldn't concentrate!!

Oh. My. Goodness!

For that, I salute mums who had to go back to work after 4 months of spending time with their babies. It's far from being easy.

Anyway, I think I will settle for a lower paycheck and get help so that I do not need to spend more than 15 hours away from them. My bxxxxts will not allow me to do that, even if I can detach myself from them emotionally for just ONE day. I'll be carrying 2 coconuts and maybe by the next morning, get a fever from engorgement.

I'm excited. Am looking forward to the trial makeup for a start. If the bride doesn't think she looks pretty with my makeover, I'll have all the time in the world to go back to being a FTSAHM (Full time stay at home mum).

I need to start sourcing for hair accessories too. Guess what? I dumped some and donated some of my Dorothy Perkins accessories (earrings, necklaces, chockers) before we went to Tucson. Who would have known I'd need these one fine day again. sigh... I'm now suffering the effects of having dumped good stuff 2 years back (read: retribution).
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Friday, April 8, 2011

Haircut

Everyone's gotten a haircut and I've finally gotten mine! No more looking hideously dishevelled. How am I going to convince clients that I'm a professional makeup artist if they get stuck at their first impression of me looking like I came to meet them right after grocery shopping at the market? I felt like a family of yogi bear, eyes rolling under those weedy looking bangs that had gradually parted unintentionally to allow me to see where I'm walking.

Good. This is going to give me a better start.
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He Likes It Thick

Made ER cereals for dinner at my parents' place with 2 scoops of cereals to less BM (freshly expressed), roughly estimated to be abt 2 fl. Oz.

Wasn't runny. In fact, it was almost ... dough-like.

And this boy not only ate, he finished the more-than-one-tablespoonful of cereals! Doesn't sound like much but as compared to what he had for the past 3 weeks, this was gigantic improvement.

I'm excited because this is the first time he patiently sat thru a meal and because he did not refuse to be fed, I could continue offering him the spoon. And I was pleasantly surprised to find myself scraping the remaining off the side of his bowl after only about 15 minutes.

We both enjoyed his dinner today! AN had been asking if she could feed him. She should get to if he continues to be able to swallow as well the next time.

Today also marks the first day he sat upright without support at all. He sat steadily playing with his toy for about 10 minutes, almost toppling over a few times but he managed to pull himself back.

He will continue to improve.

It's strange how little things like these can excite parents, things that to others, seem only milestones that babies will naturally meet in time to come without any need for fuss or celebration.

But as a parent, I can only be thankful. Because there is always a chance that my children may not be able to naturally meet these milestones. For everything that they are capable of, we thank the Lord.
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Thursday, April 7, 2011

Desitin, the bum saver

AN never had nappy rash. A tube of Pureen nappy rash cream lasted her more than a year and we found no reason to get a second tube.

ER is different. I don't know how often babies get rashes from soiled diapers but ER on average, gets bumps on his butt that lasts abt 2 days out of 7 in a week. These bumps range from tiny pimple-like ones, to patchy ones that remind me of acne.

We stocked up on Desitin before returning to Singapore and I got Mr Liow to buy more during his December trip. A 4oz tube lasts ER about 1.5months, or less. I follow the instructions that says "apply generously".

Having tried the original Desitin (purple packaging), creamy (blue), Mustela and Earth Baby, the purple Desitin wins them all, hands down!

It's thick and coats ER's butt like clay mask. There are days when there is no need to change his diapers in the middle of the night and by next morning, his butt is still coated with that layer of white. It's pee-and-poO-proof.

This time, we got Mr Liow's friend to help us get the 16oz tub. It's 4 tubes combined in one big tub. This should be enough to cover his butt for the next 6 months, or even longer because I got 2 tubes of Mustela ones while waiting for his friend to return.

Long live Desitin! Please never go out of business.
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I can't remember...

How long did AN take to learn to eat properly? It was very gradual, so gradual that I didn't even notice when she started swallowing better. Of course, the most impressionable part about feeding AN was her fussy-ness (that is oh-so-common but very very patience-testing!). I'm sure you all are very very familiar with this complaint of mine! hehe.

ER is still not able to eat properly. I'm feeding him cereals (mostly mixed in freshly expressed BM but when busy, in formula), in runny form, and I've tried feeding him thick, pasty cereals. He seems to do better on thicker-made cereals but still, most times, he pushes out more than I put in (coz cereals + milk goes in = cereals + milk + saliva comes out).

I had been reading again. It seems this time, I notice more articles encouraging food in more solid forms. No longer "puree to smooth consistency". Maybe I should try giving him mashed or finger food. Many of these articles suggests that we let them be in control, even if they do not end up eating. They will someday, eat. I have learnt. AN is one very classic example.. She now asks for food when she feels like eating, even when she just had a meal. On some days, she seems to be always hungry, and always eating. I'm glad!! But she remains slim. Not that it bothers me that she's skinny anymore. I can tell very well that she's normal now and I do not need to be watching her head circumference. She'll be a happy woman when she grows up, eating a cow and not putting on an ounce of fat around her waist.

Now, it's this little one I have to worry about. Maybe I shouldn't anymore. AN had me well trained to handle fussy eating.

But still, he has to start somewhere. So, I should maybe start steaming baby carrots (bought some organic ones that still lies in the vege compartment of my fridge). Should I mash one steamed carrot? Or cut them into thin sticks for him to stick into his mouth? I better read up more on CPR and resuscitating young babies before I start. hehe.
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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

1st Job

Meeting the friend who's in the wedding planning business and her client this Fri to discuss a wedding lunch in May.

This is likely my 1st job after so long.

I was hesitant to take it up because I was worried about the kids, mainly ER. I didn't even dare to commit to the Friday discussion because of the little boy. He has been a little cranky these few days and he has NEVER left my side for more than 15 waking minutes. Ok, he did once when I had a hair treatment which took an hour longer than it was supposed to. He almost lost his voice from crying and Mr Liow almost lost his mind trying to make him stop.

I'm too strapped emotionally to my responsibilities towards the kids. So much for leaving them behind and do what I need to do like I keep saying I will do one day. I can't even agree to 3 hours (at most) away from the little one without giving it a second thought. The makeup and hair on the actual day including travelling shouldn't take more than 3 hours. Will the senior and junior males survive?

Can't imagine how hard it is going to be when I hv to tear myself away from my koala bear this Fri.

It's good pay though. Time to start somewhere so that I can be financially responsible for myself. I had been leeching on Mr Liow for long enough.

Sure hope this gets somewhere! But family is still my priority. It has to remain so.
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He's Bigger Now

Mr Liow is sleeping in baby room and us in his. I've not done a proper cleaning of AN's bed yet and it still stinks of pee. Simply dabbing water into the pee area and soaking it away didn't help. I'm thinking of steaming the area before spraying Febreeze on it. Hope this will rid the mattress of that pee stink.

It's been abt 4 months since ER slept on our bed. The last time he did, it was in Dec when Mr Liow was away in USA for work.

And I can still recall how much smaller he was then.

4 months may seem a long time to most. But for certain categories of people, 4 months passes by recklessly fast.

Once upon a time, this would be AN whom I'm writing about. Now, she's turning 4 years old!

I need to slowly savour this stage of his life. He's likely going to be our last baby and I'm pretty sure he'll grow out of this super adorable stage in no time.
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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Wet Bed

I forgot to put training pants on Adrielle and she drank lots of water before she slept last night. The result was.....a wet bed, bolster and part of our quilt.

Now, how do I wash a quilt and mattress?
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AN has a new fringe again

Her hair grows fast. It didn't seem too long ago when I cut her fringe coz they were poking her eyes. Now they have grown again and ta-da! Time to snip those off again!

This time, Rapunzel wants to have her hair grow really really long! Fringe is not as important. So, while seated and waiting for me to get the tools ready, she kept nagging and reminding me to NOT cut the hair at the back.

New set of fringe, enough to last her a month at least. She can keep her eyes open again!

Monday, April 4, 2011

ER Fever and Tired Parents

ER had been feeling a little warm whole of today at my parents' and mum kept wondering if he was having fever.

Besides his body temperature, he was exceptionally cranky today as well. He cried fiercely each time we put him down and couldn't nap properly. In fact, this cranky-ness started last night.

My parents didn't have a thermometer and even though he felt warm, I expected his temperature to be under 38°c.

True enough when we got home, he was 37.6°c.

Low fever, but still, a fever :(

They had been taking turns to fall sick since Feb with little breaks (like, a few days) in between. It is really really tiring...

I hv no more strength to keep moping the house and cleaning fur off furnitures, especially when the kids fall sick. The younger they are, the more demanding they become during the night at times like these.

Mr Liow had been the one doing all the cleaning, even after a long and tiring day at work, just to lift my burdens.

It wasn't of much help that Baileys has started to mark, for attention. He marked the laundry basket yesterday, including our clothes inside. He's also marking our shower screen, on the wrong side, not on the papers, and the pee flowed all over the toilet. This had been happening every other day, if not everyday. Only the location he chooses is different.

I dread returning home from my parents' place now. I expect the worst to happen and yes, they happen.

Mr Liow will spend an hour cleaning the floors while I deal with the kids. By the time he's done, it's bedtime for everyone.

He only gets to kiss them goodnight.

I watch fur accumulate but does nothing about it. I managed to squeeze time out to prepare cereals for ER (by hook or by crook, I need to find time for that!), before his bath and before I bring him to my parents' place. All that after moping the floor of stains.

AN by this age had already tried various pureed vegetables. ER is still having only cereals. I'll have to get him bottled ones :(

If I could see this far from the start, I'd not have had BM. Had I known more than 2 kids mean so so many sick days and cranky-ness, I'd have chosen to spend more time on taking better care of them.

If I could wish for special powers, I wish I could look into the future...
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Sunday, April 3, 2011

Holiday Chalet in Sentosa

We were looking for ideas for AN's birthday celebration.

Mr Liow suggested chalet, so we did an online search for options. Sentosa chalet appeared and this little photo appeared along with the whole chunk of info.

Do these look like tents or am I missing something?
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Alone

Mr Liow's aunt came to pass me a red packet last evening. Her hubby passed away on Monday. It's Chinese tradition that the remaining cash he had with him when he left, will be distributed among his children and his aunt explained that he treated us as his own, so we get part of it, regardless of the amount.

It was a weird sight when I saw her. They had never been separated before. Everytime we meet, she will have her hubby by her side. When I met her yesterday, she was alone. The picture wasn't complete, and it never will be again.

Whenever Mr Liow gets sent overseas, I'll miss him badly. Everything in the house reminds me of him: his unwashed cup, the last channel on TV that he was on, his unwashed clothes...everything, in fact.

But he'll be back. I know I can countdown to seeing him again.

Not uncle though.

I fear eternal separation. I fear the day my parents leave me. They are aging. I fear being separated from Mr Liow till we meet in heaven again. Will we recognise each other still?

Heaven must be beautiful. God lives there and we never need to feel sadness or pain ever when we get there. But will we forget each other once there?

I don't want to forget him. I don't want to forget my kids, or anyone I love. In fact, I dread the day I have to wait till I breath my last to meet anyone again. More than anything, I dread not being able to meet anyone again after life is over.

Salvation is given to all who believes but there are too much to belief and too much not to.

When will they meet again? Will it still be as beautiful as it was many many many years ago?
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Another Fun Conversation

We enjoy visiting showflats and been doing that for leisure on aimless weekends since we came back.

AN had been learning a few locations and names of the condos we visited (but she forgot them soon after).

Last Sun, before meeting the SHSS girls at Ting's place, we went to Sembawang Shopping Centre for lunch and happened to pass by Canberra Residences. This is the first time we get to see a scaled-down model and AN was really fascinated.

Then for these past few days, AN made a mock-up home from her legos, and started selling her house. She's currently a 'property agent'

My property agent went: "I have 3 houses for sale."

Me: "How much are they?".

Her: "It's $5 for this one, (points into her lego house with an imaginary laser pointer) , $7 (points elsewhere) and $15 for that one."

Me: "So cheap? I want to buy all of them."

Her: "You cannot!"

Me: "Why not?"

Her: "Because you are wasting money!"

What an ethical property agent she is.
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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Height

ER is a little shorter than AN but it won't be for long, I hope. Hehe.
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Friday, April 1, 2011

Not One Day Without A Struggle

The "Not-one-day-without- a-struggle" campaign had gone on for a while now. Months.

Talking sense works at that point when she gets what she asks for, before she's supposed to do something else (like say, do some writing which she never gets sick of, before her nap). But when it's time to stop, she'll try her luck asking for something else.

This time, no means no. Unless I want her to think that mummy is manipulatable and so is everyone else.

Been reading how 4 yr olds are like and am trying to remind myself over and again that she's growing socially and these requests, though unreasonable most times, are what's going to help her learn. And my reaction may be what she imitates as a response when she's faced with requests she will not meet.

People are going to hate her responses if she does imitate me, coz I lose my patience very easily now.

I wonder when this campaign is going to end and what's new that this 4 year old has to offer.
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