AN and ER

By now, some of you may have realised that ER and AN has each other in their names: AN's chinese name is Zu Er (God's child) and ER's chinese name is Zu An (God's peace).

At this point in time, they appear loving: ER brightens up when he hears AN's voice and AN enjoys giving her little brother hugs and kisses and gentle discipline when she sees him 'misbehaving' (when he pulls anyone's hair, when he throws toys etc).

Whenever we wonder why he's more irritable than usual, this big sister will jump to his defence in reminding us that: " he's crying because he's still a baby!"

Being 4 years old, there are times she goes into her "this is mine, not his" mode. Somehow, she snaps out of it whenever I threaten to give ER away because "jie jie doesn't like to share". She'll either offer him something else or happily return what she initially fought for.

She's learning to rely on feedback and is improving on her ability to make sense of situations.

There are times she just goes on doing one wrong thing after another. Out of frustration on these bad days, I conclude that she just cannot behave. It saddens her obviously. After everyone is asleep that night, my conscience will tell me that it's cruel to make that conclusion because she is young and when one thing goes wrong and the second still doesn't go right, she won't know what to do next.

I'm taking Mr Liow's advise to cool off and accept her apologies, even if I'm tired of hearing her telling me she is sorry for the 50th time in a day.

So, now when she notices that I do not remain angry for that long anymore, she'll ask: "Mummy, I'm a good girl today right? I didn't make you angry right?" This assures me that she is aware and trying to not let bad things happen but isn't sure if she's doing right.

I can see her trying. We struggle and there will always be bad days but it's seeing her efforts that give me motivation to carry on.

I'm a bad mummy :( Shouldn't my love for her and all good things that come with love, be unconditional?

We had a nice chat before she just fell asleep but I forgot what she said that made me smile so many times.

I'm thankful for AN's maturity at this age, her sensitivity and perseverance in obedience. I need to constantly remind myself to behave too.

My darling has so grown...

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