Responsibility Chart

AN's selected responsibilities for the next 7 days starting today.

Time she gets praised for good behaviour, remembers her good deeds and be encouraged for them.

Genevieve's Party

Baby Genevieve turns 4 and is no longer a baby. Haven't stopped lamenting how time flies! We weren't around when she was born. When we came back, she was 2 (effectively only 18 months). Now she's 4! 

The party was parent-friendly! There was a jumping castle that took the kids' attention off us (for ER, it was only for a short while.) We had time to eat and chat without having to divert our attention to needy little ones as often as usual.

ER was hesitant about the jumping castle when we first arrived. AN loves jumping castles and headed for it the moment she saw it.

AN was actually braver than ER in this. At ER's age, AN wouldn't hesitate joining her friends in jumping around.

Sweet sweet AN actually took on her responsibility as an elder sister and kept encouraging ER to follow her! She helped him up the castle after he finally dared to enter it, watched him slide off (after which he decided it was fun!) and kept him company throughout the whole play session, ensuring he didn't get trampled on.

Each time I looked up to check on them, AN would be near ER.

Many times I punish AN when she becomes selfish with ER. Sometimes, we would jokingly suggest that we'll put ER away. Because she didn't enjoy sharing. I know, it's a phase. I know, she's young. But I know too, that behaviours not corrected from young, values not reinforced from young, they become habit. Habits are hard to break.

I am aware I'm too harsh and react too fast. I'll work on that.

Anyway, this shepherding spirit in AN touched my heart. At that point, I told myself that I must be patient with AN. I mustn't destroy this loving, caring sister ER is blessed with.

What a journey motherhood is. The blood boiling, pressure building moments, versus the touching moments when the kids behave like they are the best kids, best buddies ever.

I must learn to be patient.

Updates

ER
ER started having runny nose about 2 weeks ago. It didn't blossom into the dreaded bronchitis! He's either outgrowing it, or Flixotide did help. It was purely managing the usual cough and runny nose without much emphasis on his panting, which didn't happen for the second time it threatened to attack. Thank God!

ER's potty training is still in progress. I've no guts to take away diapers. Am only putting him on potty on a more regular basis. He's not ready. He pees randomly and doesn't tell me when he needs to go. But he does look down at his diapers as he pees. And he feels the warmth of fresh pee seeping into his diaper with his hands. I'll inform him that he peed and has to tell me if he needs to go.

He is able to pee on command though (unless he peed not too long ago). I'll put him on the potty, he goes "mmmmm" and pee shoots out, even if it's only a couple of drops. Hehe.

He's going through the terrible two. There are extremely difficult days and extremely enjoyable ones.

He's getting difficult to put to bed at night, screaming to be let out to continue playing regardless of how late.

Eating is still his struggle, as is feeding him MY test of patience.

AN
AN is improving on her reading and word recognition BUT she forgot some small letters! I panicked when I realised she forgot how to write "h" in small caps and gets confused with "b" and "d".

Omgoodness....

What else?

Ermm...

These few weeks had been busy. Something's going to change but Mr Liow wants to keep it a surprise. When it finally happens, I'll announce. BUT! I am NOT pregnant

That's about all to update for now.

:)

Terrible Two

This "terrible two" symptoms is worse than his sister's.

I almost forgot the intensity of it, till we're back at it again. Like labour pain, the tantrums, the screams and struggles leave an impression.

AN asked, right after I exploded at ER: "Shall we have another baby?"

What? Another addition to the rivalry, fights, disobedience, tantrums, mess and the list goes on?

She reasoned: "Not just that. You will have one more to sing to you. It makes you happy when we sing together for you right? One more baby will make you even more happy. Ethan and I will teach him to sing."

My sweet girl, thanks for subtly reminding me that mummyhood does not end at "Terrible Two".

With a sweet sister (not without her own set of struggles though), I'm sure ER will learn well..

ER at 2 Year Old

Baby boy likes to ask questions:

"what chu doing?" (What are you doing?)
"where you going?"
"are you ok?"
"wat ahpen?" (what happen?)
"what zat" (what's that?).
"where zit?" (where is it?)
"where eee go?" (where did 'insert object' go?)
"zit painfoo?" (is it painful?)
"what zis?" (what's this?)
"You see zat?" (Do you see that?)

He's quite a chatterbox. We don't always understand his language but we get by if we observe him hard enough. He usually speaks and acts out his requests.


He's a drama baby

"Argh! So painfoo! OUCH!". All that dramatic exclamations because the tag from behind his t-shirt scratched him.

"UH! OH NO!"
Because mummy dropped a table cloth onto the floor.

"Sowee! Are you ok? Zit painfoo?" (Sorry, are you ok? Is it painful?"
He accidentally stepped on my toes.

"Argh!!!"
Just to warn us about his idea of something dangerous.

Runs hurriedly and jumps into us cupping his ears: "Listen! You hear zat?"
A plane just flew past.


He's also learning to take instructions with repetition. It helps when he recognises what it means to wait (but I have to keep my promise that waiting means he gets to do it, but later. Different from 'No'.)

I love how he'll pick stray items from the floor as he passes them by, and  puts them back where they belong, or into the table.

He's feeling better now. And when he's well, he's irresistibly cute (in his mummy's books at least).

There are also terrible times. He's still learning afterall, and definitely not eloquent yet.

I'm soaking up his innocent cute-ness while it lasts. AN is already maturing in thoughts. Someday ER will too, and by then, I'll only get to envy others who are struggling with their 2 year olds.

Insomnia Thoughts

Can't sleep well the past few nights but have been getting very tired by mid day lately.

I'm still struggling with ER's food intake :( he is starting to spit out food he doesn't like.

Those he accepts, he takes a long time to swallow. He doesn't chew much. So he doesn't eat much. He likes vegetables just like AN. He eats like his sister, much to my worst fears..

MIL suggested I start cooking for him.

Am I hearing things? I hope she's not assuming I have not been giving him food! It's like adding salt to injury (again...once upon a time, she suggested that AN hated food coz she didn't enjoy my cooking. Very offending...) Already I'm worried (and frustrated) that he eats so little. The accusation is not the least bit helpful.

I have prepared for him, everything I am capable of. He likes some, hates some. He gets my food too and similarly, he eats some and feeds me those he feels nothing for.

We are mostly outside home during weekends, so I don't cook for him. Because he will want the food I buy myself, not what I prepared for him. That doesn't mean I haven't started cooking for him! I started more than 1 year ago! Did she mean to hint I stop starving my children? I too wish they enjoy eating more!

She wondered aloud if I should spank him to force him to eat.

*rolls eye*

I know it doesn't work this way from my one experience with AN. Spanking makes 2 year olds cry but makes hardly any difference...

Her many times experience didn't teach her that spanking only works if the kid understands consequences and if it doesn't interfere with how the body works? And she thought I was too harsh when I disciplined AN when she was 3.

Enough about that uninvited interference. She's truly concerned but lacks the ability to say the right thing at the right time.

I'm allowing him to feed himself. With this new freedom, he starts to play with food in the bowl instead. He does eat too, and I'm extremely excited when he does, regardless of how little the amount is.

And he's starting to 'discipline' people. AN gets it most. He instructs her to 'eat', 'stop please' (my only consolation is that he says 'please', but still...), and proceeds to 'piak' her if she doesn't obey. Sometimes he does that with a verbal warning :"I beat!"

*pulls hair*

We will make it a point not to discipline her in front of him. But then the "I beat" don't know where from leh. We don't threaten AN with that.

During BS 2 days ago, he actually waved whatever he had in his hands at whoever was in his way. I can't tell if he had the intention to beat anyone, or if he was playing. Most of those times, he giggled when he did that. He appears to be playing but it's socially UNACCEPTABLE.

*palms head*

No more Ginny the Giraffe, Tom the Cat, Teddy and other interactive smartphone applications for him. Hitting the giraffe is different from hitting a human. People do not make funny expressions when attacked.

Our mistake. We enjoyed laughing with him when he laughs at the funny expressions they make and didn't foresee how that will affect him socially.

I'm like doing everything wrong with him.

Sigh.....

Many many corrections to do. And I'm still praying that he will enjoy food one day.

For now, I'm thankful for Pediasure that's keeping him alive.

This will pass.

Dear Little Girl

Another one about what a sweet sister AN is:

I carried her out to pee and while she was halfway through, ER started crying. She was still sleeping as she sat on the toilet, peeing. But when she heard ER's cries, she straightened up and staggered back dreamily to him while I flushed.

She rubbed his back (he was sitting upright by then) but was dozing off. She saw me coming and went back to lie down on her own bed, still running ER's back to comfort him while baby-talking her little brother: "ok, mummy's back. Don't cry ok? You have been a good boy today right?"

She is so sweet I can't believe it sometimes. Just to clarify, she's not perfect. She throws tantrums, gets upset with the annoying little boy, forgets her manners and gets into trouble too. I'm just really touched whenever her sisterly instinct emerges at the point when ER needs attention.

She still has the sensitive spirit I noticed in her when she was really little. Other characters are slowly dominating as she grows, but I'm thankful she's still sensitive. And loving. This is something I've yet to notice in ER. He's affectionate, but not exactly loving.

Thank you Lord for my little helper. I am blessed.

Motherhood is a thankless job

Ok, some mums have perfect kids. Some have perfect tolerance. I have neither.

AN asked for things which I obliged. Given an inch, she demands for a yard. Why is it so hard for her to stick within a boundary? I know, she's only 5.

Next year, I'll be giving excuses like "she's only 6", and the year after "she's only 7".

You know, I'm prophetic! I think most mums are.

I can foresee things happening if she's allowed to do certain things and as much as I hate for that to happen, my predictions come true.

I hate to tell her "I told you so!". I remind her with "do you remember why I said no earlier?"

It happens. And then it happens, again. Never learn.

Argh!

Darling AN

I was probably paranoid last night about the kids having  fever.

Before they turned in, I kissed them both and both felt warm! Took their temperature and AN was at 37.6°c while ER was 37.4°c.

Not fever, but it's not common either.

I then spent the whole night feeling them for fever, thinking they felt warm and taking their temperature.

ER didn't sleep well. He flipped around a lot (like he usually does at the start and peak of his bronchitis), had to suckle to sleep and wouldn't let go. When he did because he flipped away, he got up whining sleepily.

AN usually sleeps through his screams.whenever he its sick but she woke up asking me to sleep with her last night (in the toddler bed). I did when ER went back to sleep.

In no time, he woke up looking for me again and thank God AN was sleeping by then.

The whole time, I was randomly taking their temperature. No fever, thank God again!

By now, I am exhausted and having a little headache. Mr Liow had to help me prepare AN for school and they just left.

Before they did, my Thing One baby came in to check on me quietly (trying not to wake Thing Two baby). She stroked my face, took my phone from beside me and put it far away facing down before gently saying: "Mummy, you need to stop using your phone today because, look? You are sick now." She went on to feel my forehead and told me I need to rest properly before ER wakes up and finally left the room with her "I love you" sign.

Felt so loved.

Big Girl

I love how AN helps with ER when he wakes up. She goes into the room to talk to him and even remembers to switch the aircon off before leading him out.

I love how she offers her: "Mummy you go do your things, I'll watch over him."

She's growing up. I love my girl and I hope she knows it.

Location : 403 Fernvale Ln,

ER @ 18 Months

Another one about his growth, habits and likes at 18 month.

Speech

In addition to what he was able to say in my previous update, here are more words in his vocab bank that he's now saying:

1) Woof woof dog - at cows, cats and dogs. He thinks they are the same animal.

2) Walk walk (more on this later)

3) Hot - I allow him to feel my warm drinks and he goes "hot". Recognizes higher temperature now.

4) Nice - at food he tries and likes. He leans forward after acknowledging with a "nice" and goes "um!"

5) Book. Read. - he fetches me books to be read to

6) Poop - he informs after he poops while touching his diaper

7) Poot - This comes with a cheeky smile. He tells on anyone who farts by pointing to that person with that cute announcement.

8) Shawah - Shower. He grabs his top and smiles because he loves to take showers and baths (hardly any bath now). And he takes his diapers off.

9) Litta birdie - little birdie. HIS little birdie. Hehe. It's hard to keep him lying down for diaper change and the only thing that he gets to look at without being thrown away in retaliation, is his buddy. During each 'meeting' (shower or diaper change), he'll go "litta birdie" by pointing at it and smiling cheekily. Hehe.

10) Oil Oil - the ru yi yiu that we put on their belly after shower and before sleep. He used to be allergic to it when younger but is less so now. And he loves that cool tinkling feel on his skin like his sister does.


Physical

He is walking faster now, sometimes attempting to run after AN

Attempts to jump but without his legs off the ground much yet.

Climbs up high places like his high chair; crosss hurdles like piles of clothes; hangs off almost anything within his reach, like the railing in our lift, the handle in the car, the handrails above our heads in buses and trains. He's a monkey in disguise.

He's nodding now. Prior to nodding, he shakes his head to everything, even if it's a "yes" to our questions. And because it makes me shriek "so cute!", he's doing that often, accompanied with his cheeky grin.


Behavior

Lies down for oil when I announce that it's time.

Likes to go for walks, so much he refuses to walk anywhere near lifts during walks. He's starting to show his unwillingness to step into the lift by struggling now.

He sits down to check his feet whenever he thinks he stepped on something.

Goes "eeeeeee" in disgust at random flying dust bunnies or hair

Keeps things away, mostly in the right places. Even if I put stuff away from their original position, he'll put them where they first belonged.

Chooses his own drinking bottle

Has specific preferences:

- likes an orange oval shape and is able to find the shape among many other shapes in the shape sorter to successfully put it back.

- likes a particular book from each area (bookcase, toy container, coffee table) and will without fail take that few books out to be read to.

likes to play with balls and push toy cars

so friendly...he speaks to people on public transport and singles out individuals to chit chat with. Some shy strangers smile politely but my boy doesn't get the idea that they don't understand baby language.

still loves to smile. Love love LOVE the cheekiness to bits!


He was so grouchy when he was sick. His cough is getting better and it's about time! It's ONE MONTH since he started coughing...

But it's all passing, hopefully. His cheery self is back now. I missed his cheekiness!

ER drinks milk and learns to understand

I had been whining 2 days ago that ER doesn't want any other forms of milk except for BM, and only if it's fresh from the 'tap'.

Because of that, I still am not able to accept weekday jobs, unless Mr Liow is home.

With the approaching Hongkong trip, I'm starting to worry about nursing him too. He's not going to be eating enough. He takes an hour to eat on normal days and I don't know if we'll be spending hours on meals, much as I won't mind to. AN had hardly any food when we travelled. I'm benchmarking him against her (isn't he now starting to eat like her then?).

For the past week, I'm trying to get him used to milk: Soy (both freshly prepared ones and packet), formula and fresh.

He doesn't like soy and fresh milk (which he would drink off my cup a month ago). But this morning, he had AN's formula with milo (he also doesn't like his own...). I had to spoonfeed him but I really didn't mind. If it makes him drink, I won't even mind performing acrobatics for him.

On a positive note, AN took an hour to drink 60mls of milk when she started. ER took half hour to finish 80mls. And this is his first day having his own serving of milk (drinking mine didn't count because those were just sips).

Tried giving him the cup to drink from when I noticed his interest but staring into the cup made him lose that interest. Am going to try later once he's addicted. That's what we did with AN. Hope it works with him.

Ending this with a new achievement: his ability to understand and carry out instructions. He had been doing what we asked lately but not all the time. We noticed him improving over the days and that excites us even though this is our second experience :)

Better Days?

In AN's life this far, there had been 2 periods where I am only looking forward to better days: her between 18-24 months, and her at 4 years old.

Then, she would want things but wasn't able to verbalise. Now, she wants things and will not take no for an answer.

She gets apologetic when she realises being THAT stubborn turns me off. I try not to dwell on an issue after she apologises but it seems she's taking that for granted and increasingly refuses to listen, because she can always say sorry and get away with it after that.

What's the right thing to do? Get a cane? Lock her outside the house?

Exceptionally Good

There are days when I have problems understanding AN and the things she does that none of us agree with.

And then there are good days when she's just sooooooo sweet, cooperative, patient, helpful, obedient, almost perfect.

For this whole week, she had been such a dear. She woke up on her own before the alarm went off, had her milk (she doesn't alway want milk before school), helped out so much with ER (leaves what she's doing to help me watch over him when I had to do somethin else, wipes his saliva without me asking her to, plays with him and even brings him her toys when he cries for attention. When all else fails, she shouts for me to come quick coz in her words, "Ethan wants you!"), does her own stuff quietly when I'm nursing ER, whispers when he's sleeping, and tries to be patient and polite.

Such a dear....

Because Mr Liow is stil groggy from fever, I wondered if I should drive her to school this morning. She was really encouraging and suggested that Mr Liow takes care of ER because "mummy can drive me to school."

I wasn't confident, so we ended up bringing the little boy along and Mr Liow sat beside me while I drove. AN was seated behind, right beside ER and helping to entertain him.

Brought her into the classroom and she trotted happily in for the medical screening (temperature check and checks for signs of HFMD), then put her stuff away before hugging me goodbye.

When I affirmed her good behaviour this morning, she replied that she doesn't want to make me angry and is trying to be a good girl. Her reason for behaving when I asked her yesterday was: "Because I'm 4 and big children has to behave."

Very endearing. And there is just so much that we can learn from little children. To name just one: they never give up trying :)

"Mummy, I'll throw my sweets away"

AN's cough was improving, till yesterday. There was Easter celebrations in school and when my mum complained that AN had been coughing whole day, I half expected that she had been having sweets in school.

I asked her and she admitted to having sweets. I was upset because she used to be able to say 'no' to sweets when she was sick. Just last Thursday, she was caught hiding behind the fridge door 'stealing' chocolates she was given in school.

Why are they given so much sweets and chocolates in school??

Anyway, I told her off for not obeying when I said no chocolates till she recovers last Thursday and now this time she had sweets.

She appeared shocked when I asked if she had sweets in school and seemed to suddenly remembered she was supposed to recover first. And then she apologised for having them.

The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. We were on the way to recovery....and then this cough came back again....! I ignored her and she panicked.

Out of desperation, she asked: "Mummy, can I their my sweets away?"

My heart softened when she asked that. Mr Liow had been prompting me to forgive her when she kept apologising for having sweets before recovering but I couldn't help ignoring her. I realise I'm having problems controlling my emotions more and more these days.

Something tells me that how I ignore AN so much will actually affect her confidence as she grows up. But I just keep doing it :(

I gave her a hug and went with her to dump those sweets but allowed her to keep 2 chocolates in the shape of an egg. She can have them after she gets well.

I do have a girl who tries. She is sensible but she's only 4 year old. I keep forgetting and I place too much expectation on her :(

For fear of spilling milk on our big bed, or dropping bread crumbs, she will, by default, sit on the floor in our room to eat/drink without being asked to. We no longer have supper in the living room. The floor is COVERED in pee stains and fur after we get home from my parents' place. Everyday. Everytime we step out of the house, even if only for an hour of lunch or dinner. It's taxing to hv to clean up so many times a day. So, we retreat into the room upon reaching home. That's the only place where we have a clean floor to sit on :(

If it makes some more comfortable to hear, BM gets more of the house than we do now. We are confined only to the rooms while they get the rest of the house.

I feel bad for AN. She should have the freedom to sit in the main hall of our home. She should have the freedom to roll on the floor, and leave toys all over the house like children do. She shouldn't need to shed tears over a precious origami that BM tore up, even after she tried to push it as far onto the dining table as she could before we left the house. She should be able to drop a gummy bear vitamin on the foot of our home, pick it up and then eat it without picking up fur with it.

What am I doing? She's growing up and soon, she'll not be a little girl anymore. But I'd only kept reminding her not to sit on the floor coz there's fur, not to touch the floor coz there are pee stains, not to snack at coffeetable coz BM will come. There are more things AN can't or isn't allowed to do because of BM than the other way around.

What do I expect of my baby? What more can I expect from my 4 year old? She's already giving in so much and she's only 4.

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Clueless Who-does-she-think-she-is

Sunday (17 April)
The empress dowager came at 11+ am after church. Mr Liow was out loading stuff onto the car already, while awaiting her highness to arrive.

I was about to change out of my home clothes when she came and she offered to carry ER. Go ahead.

When I got out of the room looking for them, I saw her trying to feed ER water with AN's milk cup.

For goodness' sake...this grandma who claimed to have taken care of her 2 children (Mr Liow and sis) and had 'experience' taking care of the nieces, seemed to not realise the reason why she had been sterilising milk bottles all of her baby-care career. She's using AN's milk cup, off the rack (non sterilised obviously because AN is already 4 years old), to feed him water. She knows that is the cup we use for AN's milk, and only milk. WHY OF ALL CUPS (there was even ER's bottle, washed, dried and set aside), CHOOSE THAT ONE TO USE?????????If you do not know, ASK!!!!! DUN ALWAYS ASSUME YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!

She even tried to make milk for AN with water from porridge. Like there's no water from the flask??????? I'm never ever going to allow her to put anything that resembles food into the stomach of my kids because SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING, AND IS TOO EGOISTIC TO ASK!

And then, when she saw me, she grouchily asked me: "he's almost 7 months old and he still can't drink from a cup?"

I'm sorry my boy doesn't know how to drink from a cup at 7 months. I'm sorry my daughter only drank from a cup at 1 year old. I'm sorry I never saw anywhere, not in States, not in Singapore, CUPS being sold that are labelled "6 months and above". Even sippy cups are labelled "8 months and above". I'm very sorry both my kids are not gifted. And they move along the milestones most babies of the same age follow. I will be exposing him to cup drinking soon but I'm sorry if she think he's 'stupid' because he still hasn't mastered it yet.

Who is she to question me anyway. The 2 girls she brought up weren't gifted too. And she blatantly attempted to lie that the nieces could use chopsticks very well by 2nd year of age.

I've NEVER seen them eat with chopsticks till recent years when they are now much older. Neither had Mr Liow who stayed with them before we got married. And she so kindly told AN: "You are so lousy. 4 years old already and you still can't use chopsticks.", making her hold a pair when there is a fork AN can use for noodles.

AN doesn't resist learning to eat with chopsticks. I'm not against her using them either. But i won't tell her she's lousy at it under any circumstance. Again, who is she to tell AN she's lousy when she's NEVER tried TEACHING AN to hold a pair?? And not being able to eat with chopsticks do not make a person lousy.

I wish her out of my life. I'm only tolerating with her because she's Mr Liow's mum.

I must have met too few people in my life because there has never been a human, dead or alive, that I loath so much...

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AN and ER

By now, some of you may have realised that ER and AN has each other in their names: AN's chinese name is Zu Er (God's child) and ER's chinese name is Zu An (God's peace).

At this point in time, they appear loving: ER brightens up when he hears AN's voice and AN enjoys giving her little brother hugs and kisses and gentle discipline when she sees him 'misbehaving' (when he pulls anyone's hair, when he throws toys etc).

Whenever we wonder why he's more irritable than usual, this big sister will jump to his defence in reminding us that: " he's crying because he's still a baby!"

Being 4 years old, there are times she goes into her "this is mine, not his" mode. Somehow, she snaps out of it whenever I threaten to give ER away because "jie jie doesn't like to share". She'll either offer him something else or happily return what she initially fought for.

She's learning to rely on feedback and is improving on her ability to make sense of situations.

There are times she just goes on doing one wrong thing after another. Out of frustration on these bad days, I conclude that she just cannot behave. It saddens her obviously. After everyone is asleep that night, my conscience will tell me that it's cruel to make that conclusion because she is young and when one thing goes wrong and the second still doesn't go right, she won't know what to do next.

I'm taking Mr Liow's advise to cool off and accept her apologies, even if I'm tired of hearing her telling me she is sorry for the 50th time in a day.

So, now when she notices that I do not remain angry for that long anymore, she'll ask: "Mummy, I'm a good girl today right? I didn't make you angry right?" This assures me that she is aware and trying to not let bad things happen but isn't sure if she's doing right.

I can see her trying. We struggle and there will always be bad days but it's seeing her efforts that give me motivation to carry on.

I'm a bad mummy :( Shouldn't my love for her and all good things that come with love, be unconditional?

We had a nice chat before she just fell asleep but I forgot what she said that made me smile so many times.

I'm thankful for AN's maturity at this age, her sensitivity and perseverance in obedience. I need to constantly remind myself to behave too.

My darling has so grown...

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