Raising Godly Children

I will not continue to allow myself to decay spiritually. Many thanks to Yifang who had been encouraging me to spend time listening to sermons online whenever possible (she had been listening to Joel Osteen on youtube).

Going back to church helps. The Lord hasn't given up on me. AN went for the adult service and decided that she enjoys the adult service more than Sunday school. ER is still dependent on my presence in his class. Last week was the worst with him literally stuck to me physically, unwilling to let go because he didn't want to risk me leaving him there. I'm not sure if we should continue or if we should join the adult service together with Mr Liow and AN. I highly doubt ER can sit through at least 30mins of sermon. We'll continue with Silverboxes till he's old enough to decide if he wants to sit in with the adults.

The way I am will affect the way the kids grow up to be as adults. I want them to grow up happy, loved and contented.

I cannot control what the world does to me but I can control how I react to the world. I have had enough of self pity.  A year is long enough.

I am not going to wait till the end of this year to make my new year resolution: I want to be positive with immediate effect (not going to be easy).

It is by His Grace that I am where I am now and have what I have. I have 2 gems that I should never stop polishing.

As a mum, I'm constantly struggling. I struggle with being patient with them (I will always be struggling with that. I'm not naturally patient.) And then I struggle with guilt for not being able to exercise self control after lashing out at them.

By my own strength, I'm doomed to fail.

I am weak but HE is strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 

 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

The following passage won't just be for SAHMs. Unless parenting has always been a breeze for you, read on and be encouraged.

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Taken from: http://www.raisinggodlychildren.org/2012/10/dear-stay-at-home-mom.html?m=1

Raising Godly Children 
Equipping Godly Parents to Raise Godly Children in a godless Generation

 Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,

You are a gift of God to your husband and your kids.

But you don’t always feel that way, do you?

There’s a low-level feeling of guilt that creeps into your heart from time to time. Sometimes it bubbles over into tears, usually on lonely, difficult days.

You scan blogs and read books about being a good mom. You find some helpful tidbits here and there, often from women who are grandmothers now. Women you can learn from but who seem to have forgotten the struggle. They seem to have it all together.

In your heart, you want to be the kind of mom who trains up kids to make a difference for the kingdom. You know it’s an honor to be entrusted with these kids. You know you’ve only got one shot. You want to be the mom who teaches them the Bible, models how to pray, and trains them up in the fear of the Lord.

But most of the time you feel like you’re barely holding it all together.

Your house cleaning can’t keep up with your kids’ mess-making.

The kids embarrass you by acting up right when your guests arrive.

Your husband doesn’t get just how worn out you are by the end of the day.

You come to the end of your patience. You lose your temper. Then you feel worse.

The last thing you consider yourself to be is a “good mom.” And you think to yourself, It’ll be a miracle if my kids turn out okay.

And – surprisingly – that’s right where God wants to meet you. The place where you admit your powerlessness and your need for Him. 

It’s only by God’s grace that any kid grows up to be a force for the kingdom. 

You see, there are no perfect kids and no perfect mothers. No matter what you read in blogs, see in magazines, and learn in books. There are sinful kids and sinful moms and dads.

And the only thing greater than both is the grace of God. The God who says “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” The God who loves to forgive, to transform, and empower.

God loves you – not because you are a good mother but just because you are His precious child.

God loves you – not because you’ve mastered all the skills of parenting but because He has. 

It’s divine grace that will transform your parenting – not guilt.

It’s grace that will keep you going and serving and scrubbing when you’re exhausted and worn out.

It’s grace that will conquer your feelings of inadequacy and remind you of God’s love for you in Christ.

It’s grace that goes for the heart of your kids, not just their behavior. 

God has demonstrated the fullness of His love for you through the cross of His Son, even while you were still a sinner.

He has promised you His presence.

He has spoken His approval over you in Christ.

He is the perfect Father who delights in you as a daughter.

Find in Him your Treasure and Joy. Be to others what He is to you.

So walk in freedom. Let Him hold you together when everything seems to be falling apart.

Bask in His unfailing love for you. And rest in His promise of power.

Trevin Wax (The Gospel Coalition Blog)

He Will Provide

I feel drained.

Some days are better than others. There have been days when I have to fight negative feelings seemingly every hour of the day. That's when I feel like no one really cares even if it's not true.

Because all I see is, she's still here regardless of what she said and how victimized she appeared to be each time before threatening to leave (I can't wait). I never knew I had the ability to victimize anyone, let alone a domineering matriarch like her. 

On the other hand, everything I do (especially with the kids), I feel like she's watching and all ready to judge.

I think God wants to teach me to be submissive. Maybe He wants to MAKE me submit. And if He's testing me, I know I'll fail big time. Because she's my weakest weakness and I'm a weakling.

Cornered animals fight back. Unlike Baileys and Maen. 

But I can now smell a happy ending to my agony (hopefully, not depression).

Not because she started packing up already. I really do not believe anything she says. She doesn't seem as ready to leave as she's saying she will.  Her credibility : None.

My happy ending started with a PASS in my exam. I passed both papers. I don't know how I passed them.

I felt peace as I left the exam venue on both days last month although questions were challenging. I told myself that I can re-sit for whichever paper I fail and it's no big deal. I would be shivering and panicking after exams when I was younger. 

This is an obvious blessing. A gift from Him, to the stubborn and rebellious me.

About the same time, I noticed some green among my favorite but dead plant. Must be weeds, I thought. Coz the other plants had been flourishing different types of weeds.

Today I see the same beautiful plant I carried home in January this year. The green leaves have covered over the dead ones. 

I can't tell how it can come back to life. IT WAS DEAD! And I stopped caring for it.

The Lord's promise of provision is real. I hadn't believe He will provide. 

But my unexpected exam results and the resurrection of my lovely flowers seems to be His way of proving to me that He has not forgotten me.

He will provide. If I have to be the one giving in again, He won't let me do it by my own strength because I have none left.

He will provide.

Good News

Miss Lim informed me this morning that she will be teaching JXC in Plaza Singapura at 12pm on Saturdays after this class graduates from JMC.

This is exciting for me!

This matter had been on hold for a while, pending replies from parents of the other students. From casual chats, I realised most of them prefer to remain at Thomson Plaza.

One mum would love to follow Miss Lim but her Saturdays are filled with enrichment classes for her 2 older kids.

Miss Lim mentioned she had students on wait list for new JMC class, so if there aren't enough students to form JXC, she'll take the JMC students.

I thought we will have to change teachers for sure, whether we stay in Thomson or change venue :(

After Miss Lim's update, I felt excited. :) we will be having lessons on Saturdays in town from July onwards.

Miss Lim is a really good teacher. AN is not gifted in music but she has interest. Miss Lim taps on her interest, pushes her but doesn't force her.

Another important thing is, it's easier to follow up with practice at home since we're familiar with her teaching style.

JXC no longer allow parents participation, so I can't tell AN "Teacher wants you to do this" if I don't even know how that teacher's expectation.

Thank God!

And we'll get back the time on Sundays for worshipping from July.

Life and Death

ER just threw up in the midst of my discussion with AN for no obvious reasons. Guess it's indigestion. I hope it's indigestion! Please please please.

So, we went for my uncle's funeral in the late evening. AN went with us.

There was a service (Christian funeral) before we got to see him in the half opened coffin (with a glass layer separating him and us). I carried AN and she saw my uncle (her grand uncle) lying in there.

This was her 1st time seeing a person lying in a coffin, lifeless. It's probably uncomfortable for some of you reading at this point. I know, today is THE LUNAR 7TH MONTH. But my Lord is greater than my fears.

AN wasn't afraid but she was observing the whole walk through. My aunt cried as I hugged her (while carrying AN in my other arm) and AN stroked my aunt's shoulder to comfort her.

My little girl must have started wondering there and then, why my aunt was so sad.

And she started questioning (at the funeral):

AN: "Why is he lying inside?"

Me: "He's resting."

AN: "He will wake up tomorrow?"

Me: "No. He will wake up when he reaches heaven. Not tomorrow, not here anymore."

AN: "Heaven is not in Singapore?"

Me: "Heaven is where Jesus is."

AN starting to sound different. She's thinking fast now.

"Why is he not coming back?"

Me: "Because he was very very sick. He has cancer and it made him so painful everywhere."

AN: "You can put a plaster on him. Does that work?"

Me: "No. The pain is so bad plasters don't work. Jesus saw the pain and had to take him away so that he never has to feel that type of pain again. So, he is with Jesus now, and no more pain."

AN continued asking during bedtime.

"Mummy, when someone dies, they don't come back anymore?"

Me: "No"

She started sobbing, to my surprise.

She said she missed her yeye (Mr Liow's dad who passed away before I was even pregnant with her), and started crying very very sadly. I guess she's understanding death better as we talked. I'm no expert, obviously. But I know separation is not final. Not in all deaths.

I'm not sure where my FIL (her yeye) is now. But the Lord will not give up on him. I'll know when my turn comes.

For now, I need to comfort my emotional little girl.

It's easier to explain separation as it is when I have to leave them at home and go out. It's temporary (like the bible says, although the period mentioned is very different) but ER cries when I go. He misses me.

It's happy reunion when I come back home. Like when we see them in heaven again, it will be very happy.

I told her that responsibilities get passed on from people to people. As an illustration, Popo will leave when it's time (I've prayed that her and my dad's destination is to be where Jesus is) and I'll be popo to her (AN's) kids. Someday, I'll go and it'll be her turn to be a popo. We will miss each other and when we meet again, she can tell me: "Mummy, I missed you!"

I almost cried as I explained it.

And then ER threw up.

Thank God for the time out. It's too much for a little girl in a day.

I hated separation since my first experience with it at another auntie's funeral. I was 7 years old. And I kept crying.

That was the end. No more. No heaven, no reunion. That WAS eternal separation. Till I knew Jesus, the hopes I will have in Him, the reunion I can look forward to. Not everyone believes the same but the Lord gave me a future after the end.

I'm thankful AN is thinking. This is going to help in our sharing of the gospel with her.