Cousins united

I had enough rest during grandpa's wake but after the whole event is over, I felt extremely tired last night.

I wondered why.

AN analysed: "Mummy, I think it's because you cried. I feel tired after crying too."

Makes sense.

It's easier for me to continue missing him without much pain. Imagining him free from suffering and comfortable now does help. Or I'll just pretend he's still at uncle's place.

But the pain continues after this for the rest of our family who spent time caring for him, cousins who used to live with him, uncles and aunties who share memories with and of him.

This loss brought us (Generation 3) together. For once, we have every one's contact number. And despite being back at individual homes, we had a good time sharing our grandparents' history, old pictures and trying to make out who's who late into the night.

I'm afraid of losing the relationship but it's inevitable. Each has their own expanding families to spend time with. Our kids may probably not remember each other as they grow older.

I will tell my kids of stories I hear about my grandparents and the rest of our family. And my kids are blessed to have met their great grand father.

Grandpa is blessed too, to have his 5th generation send him on his last journey.

May grandpa hear our Lord's voice on his way and be led to be near Jesus.

Ah gong is at peace now.

Brainless or pure selfish

She has something on today.

GO AHEAD! I'M NOT EVEN CONCERNED WHERE SHE'S GOING.

Then she asks: "You bringing the kids to the wake?"

"yes". (isn't it obvious?)

She goes on: "With the kids, how can you even do anything?"

"I'll not participate in the rituals if they are fidgety."

Then the ultimate brainless comment comes: "It's so tough. You might as well not go." (Her exact words for your interpretation in case I misunderstood her kind intentions: "很辛苦。你不如不去.")

I don't care if she meant well. Asking a mourner to not be present won't sound right, no matter how she puts it. Unreasonable!

I replied her: "This is my grandfather. Even if I can't participate, I want to be present."

I'm on the verve of blowing.....on the verge of raising my voice.

Dear, if u are reading this, I tolerate to not put u in a difficult position. I can't tell for how long more...

She offers to cancel her appointment for today. But I don't need her pity. My grandfather didn't die last night. She would have canceled it earlier if she sincerely cared.

I don't expect her to give up her time for me.

And I seriously do not appreciate selfish ideas at this point.

Someday, I'll shift out. After I'm financially independent, I'll shift out.

P.s: she came home by 6.15pm, minutes before we left. Don't know if she came home earlier on purpose or not but she commented in surprise when she saw us: "you are still home?"

I'm posting this assuming that she did come back earlier. Trying to convince myself there has to be some good in her.

阿公, tata...

We didn't get to see the last of him. He left at 3am, 23rd Feb.

He was 106 years old.

His way of saying goodbye: "tata".

So, tata, ah gong....

Help? What help?

Just in case u think your mum very helpful during this period, she's NOT.

Sunday
SHE's meeting your nieces this evening n leaving home by 5pm. So I can't stay long at the wake and have to reach hm by then.

Monday
She wants to go pay a visit tomorrow because she has no other activities and she's "your mother and 不去不好". Worried my family will gossip??!

My parents went to your little aunt's hubby's wake because they sincerely want to be there. They tell me they want to go there "坐坐", just be there.

Your mum just visits because she has no excuses. She's just going coz "she's my elder."

And she has to make it so clear? No one is going to gossip about her, if that's what makes her drop by. It's so near and she has the cheeks to suggest "see what time Andy is free, ask him to fetch us there." She really thinks she's the queen??! Must fetch her to pay respect to my grandfather??

Tuesday
It's the last day before cremation, but she has activities! She'll be out from afternoon till late! She won't even wait till I fetch AN hm from school.

Wednesday
She has no activities, so she says she will take care of ER while I bring AN to grandpa's cremation. I'm just so fortunate, huh??

See that? It's at her convenience! Don't say until she's so noble, gave so much help! If she has activities everyday, she'll not choose to help me, even though it's on compassionate grounds.

Seriously, she doesn't need to help. I don't want to give her any reason to think she's lightening any of my loads.