Changes

MIL is shifting out today.

Am I excited? Not really.

I'm definitely missing her absence but not her (maybe not yet. Maybe distance will do the relationship some good).

The past weeks since I promised to try to speak to her, I did. But her expression and tone of voice each time, made me feel like she's doing me a favor by replying. The last straw came on the day of the graduation concert last Saturday. I've not had time to update but it was upsetting.

Seriously this year had been damaging. There are sensitive questions that cannot be asked without expecting some sort of sarcasm (such as "I'm not staying in your house by then. What do you want?" as a reply to an invitation to kids' concert.)

She's most welcome to stay over every weekend as before and I extended that offer to her through Mr Liow. I don't know what she thinks of that or if Mr Liow asked.

No one is shutting her out and she's more than welcome to stay. Just that I need a distance. A safe distance to maintain my boundary. To avoid an invasion.

What's going to happen after this? We'll see.

I'm going to start packing up and re-organizing some stuff.

AN said she's interested to try sleeping in that room by herself. It's encouraging but gave her an option of returning to sleep with ER if she's still uncomfy to do so alone.

Also to update, I've moved back to sleeping in the master bedroom. Tonight marks my first week.

First few nights weren't that smooth. Either of them would come look for me in the middle of the night and I would go back to sleep in their room.

And one morning, I found myself waking in their room without anyone acknowledging that they made me go back (Mr Liow wasn't aware anyone came in to get me. AN said she didn't wake up. ER denied crying in the middle of the night. I must have sleep-walked then.)

It's almost like a new beginning for me today.

I continue to pray against oppression and negativity. I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me out of ungodly parenting and anger.

Breathe.