She's been sleeping with Baileys and Maen for few weeks now. Not them in real, but a blue doggie stuffed toy and a lamb.
She hugs them to sleep at night and if they went missing, she'd ask: "Where's Baileys and Maen?" The first time she asked, I thought she was asking about them and reminded her that they are not with us anymore. Then she said: "Not the real Baileys and Maen. I'm looking for MY Baileys and Maen." Then I recalled I named the stuffed toys after them once when playing. I don't want her to forget them. But of course she won't. Not so soon at least.
It's ironical.
I read my old old post, written long long ago when I was expecting her. I read my thoughts that I look forward to the day she gets to sleep with them on her bed (I won't allow it but I would just close an eye if they stole their way up, like they used to steal their way up to sleep with me in the past).
This day came, but we are missing the real furkids.
She missed them.
I looked at the windows, still stained with their saliva and casually commented it's time I clean them away (couldn't bear to). She pleaded with me not to. She said she wants to keep the stains. We came to an agreement: I'll leave one panel of saliva stains for her.
Have no idea what she wanted the stains for, even though she said yes when I asked if she wanted to keep them to remember them by. I suspect she probably notice me staring at them constantly and subconsciously wanted to keep them, for me.
ER is much more attentive now. He's better aware of his surroundings and even initiates hide and seek with AN and us.
That reminded me of AN at this age. She would be on the sofa, cruising along and looking around for the furkids. And she crawled with them. And crawled after them, then she ran with them, and after them. She laid beside them, and on them. She grew up with them, till I let them go.
What will ER learn about dogs? Will he know where dogs love to be scratched? Will he dare put his face right in front of one, to be licked? Will he get to feed any, the way AN got the opportunity to, the "Baileys and Maen" way? He will see lots of pictures we have of the furkids but feel nothing.
No Baileys to watch over him like how AN was watched over when she crawled. Baileys never allowed her to venture beyond the end of the sofa, and kept her on the platform when she crawled into it (when we still had it) because he didn't think she would crawl off it without falling (i think).
Watching her hug "them" to sleep now, I get mixed emotions. I wonder how much of them will she remember, how much will she forget as she grows up. I can't bear to forget them and can't bear for her to either.
Am going to constantly remind her. When will we get to meet them again?
She hugs them to sleep at night and if they went missing, she'd ask: "Where's Baileys and Maen?" The first time she asked, I thought she was asking about them and reminded her that they are not with us anymore. Then she said: "Not the real Baileys and Maen. I'm looking for MY Baileys and Maen." Then I recalled I named the stuffed toys after them once when playing. I don't want her to forget them. But of course she won't. Not so soon at least.
It's ironical.
I read my old old post, written long long ago when I was expecting her. I read my thoughts that I look forward to the day she gets to sleep with them on her bed (I won't allow it but I would just close an eye if they stole their way up, like they used to steal their way up to sleep with me in the past).
This day came, but we are missing the real furkids.
She missed them.
I looked at the windows, still stained with their saliva and casually commented it's time I clean them away (couldn't bear to). She pleaded with me not to. She said she wants to keep the stains. We came to an agreement: I'll leave one panel of saliva stains for her.
Have no idea what she wanted the stains for, even though she said yes when I asked if she wanted to keep them to remember them by. I suspect she probably notice me staring at them constantly and subconsciously wanted to keep them, for me.
ER is much more attentive now. He's better aware of his surroundings and even initiates hide and seek with AN and us.
That reminded me of AN at this age. She would be on the sofa, cruising along and looking around for the furkids. And she crawled with them. And crawled after them, then she ran with them, and after them. She laid beside them, and on them. She grew up with them, till I let them go.
What will ER learn about dogs? Will he know where dogs love to be scratched? Will he dare put his face right in front of one, to be licked? Will he get to feed any, the way AN got the opportunity to, the "Baileys and Maen" way? He will see lots of pictures we have of the furkids but feel nothing.
No Baileys to watch over him like how AN was watched over when she crawled. Baileys never allowed her to venture beyond the end of the sofa, and kept her on the platform when she crawled into it (when we still had it) because he didn't think she would crawl off it without falling (i think).
Watching her hug "them" to sleep now, I get mixed emotions. I wonder how much of them will she remember, how much will she forget as she grows up. I can't bear to forget them and can't bear for her to either.
Am going to constantly remind her. When will we get to meet them again?
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