Updated @ 8am, 7 July:
I realized that he was sleeping and not ignoring me. He dozed off but woke up when I entered the room. He heard me talking but was so tired that he fell asleep again, waking up when I opened the door again, to walk out. That was why he didn't respond.
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I was talking about how the kids took a long time to fall asleep: AN wanted the lights on because she was afraid a while ago. It's the first time she asked to sleep with lights on, so I let her have the lights.
BUT...
With the lights on, ER couldn't sleep. He kept getting up and crawling towards AN. HE must be so happy with his 2 new abilities now, so much so that it was almost instinctive to keep sitting up and crawling away from me, over and over and over again.
AN tried to sleep, but ER kept crawling towards her. Then she'd wake up and gently tell him to go to sleep.
Finally, AN fell asleep and I switched the bedside lamp off. ER fell asleep soon after.
Thought I'd go spend some time with Mr Liow after ER fell asleep. Mr Liow was doing something on the iPad...I told him how ER kept crawling around and not sleeping, how he was smiling happily as he crawled around, how AN reacted, all while removing my contact lens.
I heard no reply from him. Not a single word.
After removing my lenses, I walked out of the room. He had his iPad on his lap and laptop on his bed. He doesn't need my company. In fact, he didn't even hear me....till I walked out and he managed to ask: "Where are you going?"
I didn't reply, and he didn't even bother to find out. We didn't fight before that. So, no. We were not having cold war..he just DOESN'T NEED ME.
There are days when I dread asking him anything further to what he said previously. He's less than patient and if he has a reply, sometimes they sound like it was a stupid question I asked. Of course, that doesn't happen all the time. At least not yet...afterall, we had only been married 7 years....it can only get worse, if things do not improve.
I told him he doesn't reply me patiently anymore. I do not always hear him right. Sometimes AN speaks when he's talking, sometimes ER makes noise right beside me. He'd go: "Uh...nevermind...". That translated to: "Forget it...you won't understand..".
Or if he does repeat, there will be a note of exasperation and frustration. At times, he'll repeat under the same breath, few times in a row ("stop stop stop..." or "go go GO....").
I pointed it out to him. He said he doesn't think he's doing that.
I couldn't be bothered to ask if he heard me talk about the kids just now. Because he will insist: "I replied you..." That's what he ALWAYS says when I ask if he had been listening and I distinctly watch him for replies. His lips do not move but he insists that he replied. And then ask me in bewilderment: "Didn't you hear me???" I was waiting to hear him. I was in fact, WATCHING because I didn't want to miss his response...
How do I argue with that? Or not argue? Forget it....what's the point of carrying on unless we have a witness...and we do not.
I dreamt 2 nights ago, that he spoke to me kindly....For the time being, in reality, I still get that kindness once in a while. As tune goes by, when our relationship gets even more boring, I'm going to hear less and less of the softness in his voice.
So, ya. He doesn't really need me. And there are more important things waiting for his attention. It's a chore, and waste of time to repeat when I didn't hear him. I may be deaf for all we know...and deaf people can't hear. So there's no point repeating.
No one is dispensable. A maid can do what I'm doing just as perfectly.
What am I worth?
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