A Mom

Thanks Pei for the attachment!

Last year, in my old blog, some anonymous heroes stood up against me because I was in an emotional mess, buried in housework and overwhelmed with a new pre-schooler and new baby.

One hero commented that I was having so much problems with AN and still went ahead to have another child.

I can't remember what I replied, or if I did. I think Kaz stood up for me (she did, but I can't recall if it was in response to that comment). But I distinctly remember my first thought was "that hero is definitely NOT a mum."

Even the most patient mum has been driven crazy by their children but which mum will hate them so much we'll sterilize ourselves to prevent having more of them? Some families stop at one, but I doubt it's because they hated the first! Makes no maternal sense.

This attached picture explains it all. I wondered at that point if I had been posting too much negative updates about AN when we were in Tucson. I was merely writing about my struggles and AN was just like any learning toddler, stretching my patience.

I haven't ever mentioned that I hate kids and never will have another. I realized haven't posted enough love messages about my Thing One baby though. That's one reason why I'm doing more of such now. I want her to know I love her. If my struggles bothered non-mum readers, I don't want her to read and think I hated her from birth. NOT TRUE AT ALL.

Negative thoughts I express outrightly doesn't necessarily mean other mums do not go through it. Some just prefer to not share. But one thing remains, we all love our children.

As I look back, I recall how difficult AN was at each stage of life and how ER is different, or similar. And I definitely am proud of my girl because although she is young, she has a sensitive spirit. I'm constantly surprised by her compassionate spirit (through our conversations about the old, the needy, and she would even speak in defense of ER after he made her angry so that I do not 'punish' him). Tantrums means she's still struggling.

So, baby, if u happen to read this one day, I love you for who you are. I hardly praise you to the skies because it's too boastful to say I think you are the smartest, prettiest, kindest, most reasonable and best among all the children I have seen but I won't ever exchange you for another because it IS true that I think you are the smartest, prettiest, kindest, most reasonable and best.

Hehe.

There will never be anyone better than you in my eyes. I'm not afraid of having another child because no one is capable of making me love you any lesser than I used to, still do and ever will.

ER gets his own set of love. For this, you don't have to share.

P.s: The above do not justify my decision to rehome Baileys and Maen. They will never be closed chapters in my life. I have let then down. The fact remains for this lifetime.